


Every Day With You

by TurtlePushups



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Baby Harry, Baby Niall, Child Louis, Child Niall, Depression, I'll add tags as I go along, Idk what to tag here, Light Angst, M/M, Married!Ziam, Suicidal Thoughts, Teenager Louis, Toddler Harry, child fic, family au, family fic, ft Loki the cutest dog ever, i lied originally this angst aint even light, past depression, stay at home dad liam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-07-12 13:16:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 63,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7106353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TurtlePushups/pseuds/TurtlePushups
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam and Zayn have been married for years, and have three beautiful sons.  Liam works from home to take care of the house and the kids, while Zayn spends all of his time working.  Dealing with an angsty teenager, a hyper 7 year old, and a quickly growing toddler (mostly) alone is dragging him down to a place he hasn't been since before he and Zayn met.  At least their dog is cute.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The alarm went off and Liam was _not_ ready.  He was never ready. 

He groaned and rolled over to flail his hand around at the clock blindly through the dark to stop the incessant beeping from echoing around the bedroom. He rolled back onto his back and stretched, groaning again.

Liam was so tired. He was always tired.

 _Always_ _so tired_.

Liam sat up in the bed, scrubbing a hand over his face and setting his feet on the floor to get up.  As tired as he was, and as much as he’d _kill_ to lay down for just a few more minutes and cuddle up to his husband, he had three kids to get out of bed and ready for school. 

First was Louis.  Being the oldest at 14, he was the easiest to get up and get going on his own.  Liam quietly snuck down the hallway and into the boy’s room and gently shook where he assumed his shoulder was underneath the mountain of blankets.

“Lou, bud,” he hummed, “Time to get up, kiddo.”

The lump of blanket groaned and a hand flopped out to swat at Liam.

“I know, I know. Up, up, up.  I’ll be back after I get your brothers up and you better be out of bed by then, babe.” He patted the blanket mound one more time and stood to go onto Niall’s room next.

Generally, waking Niall up could go one of two ways.  Being the perpetually happy boy he was, he usually liked mornings and would get out of bed without a problem.  However, if the seven year old was feeling especially tired or clingy, he would latch onto his father and refuse to let go until Liam dropped him off at school. Liam just prayed this morning would be an easy one.

He went into his middle son’s room and sat on the edge of the bed, smiling softly at his boy curled up with his stuffed sheep under his arm and the blanket wrapped tightly around his body.  “Nialler,” Liam sing-songed as he rubbed his son’s back, “time to wake up, sweetheart.”

Niall shifted in his sleep and pulled the blanket further over his face.

Liam chuckled, “Come on and wake up, sunshine.”

Niall slowly opened his eyes and smiled up at his father. “Morning, Daddy.”

Liam let out a small sigh of relief at the response, glad it seemed that it was going to be an easy morning with Niall.

“Alright, babe, let’s go down and get some breakfast, yeah?” After Niall nodded sleepily and reached his arms up to his father, Liam scooped the boy up to carry him downstairs.  He smiled when Niall dropped his head onto his shoulder and nuzzled his face into the material of Liam’s sleep shirt and hummed groggily.  Not that Liam had favorites, of course, but Niall was his little snuggler.

After Liam had deposited Niall in his chair in the kitchen and poured his bowl of Lucky Charms, he headed back upstairs to get the last one.

Harry was fun to get up.  He was rarely cranky, and was often already awake and patiently waiting in his crib when Liam came in to get him in the mornings. And this morning was no different.  As soon as Liam walked into the room, he heard a happy squeal from his littlest boy who dropped his stuffed giraffe and reached his arms up to his father with a big smile on his face.

“Good morning, happy boy!” Liam scooped him up from the crib and set him on his hip, kissing his chubby cheek and bouncing him lightly.  “Let’s get you out of that pullup and get you downstairs for breakfast, huh bug?”

Harry made a noise of agreement and let Liam set him on the changing table and throw out his pullup and put his clothes on him for the day.  On his way back downstairs with Harry in his arms, he stopped back in Louis’ room to check to see if he had gotten out of bed. 

Which he hadn’t.  Of _course_.

Liam sighed and walked into the room, shaking the boy’s shoulder again. 

“Louis, come on.  You need to get up. Now. You don’t have time for this, kiddo,” Liam said.

“Daaaaaaad noooo” Louis groaned, pulling the blanket further over him.

Liam chuckled lightly.  Even without any biological connection, Louis was so much like his baba. “Alright. Here ya go,” he gently placed Harry on the bed next to Louis’ blanket-covered body, who giggled happily and started to crawl over Louis’ body.  The teenager pulled the blanket off his head and looked down at his little brother.

“Oh, hi Harry,” he said sleepily, a small smile growing on his face, “whatcha doing?”

“Alright, Lou.  Be downstairs with him in five minutes or I’m coming back up here.” Liam warned, ruffled both boys’ hair, and left the room.  When dealing with Louis, Liam didn’t like to use the word _pawn_ for Harry, but perhaps _incentive_ fit the boy as well.  Louis loved both his brothers, but he had an especially soft spot for the curly haired toddler.  It was blessing to both Liam and his husband that when dealing with Louis’ angsty teenage mood swings and grumpy spells, they could use Harry to their benefit.

And today, for once, Louis did as he was told and came downstairs holding Harry a few minutes later.  Liam poured Louis a bowl of cereal, cut up a banana for Harry, and went back to packing lunches for his boys.  Halfway through breakfast, Liam’s husband, Zayn, came downstairs dressed in a dark blue button up and black slacks.

“Morning, love!” Liam smiled as Zayn kissed his cheek, “Want something to eat?”

“Sorry, babe, gotta run.  Forgot I have to get in early to prep for the presentation.” Zayn slipped on his shoes and grabbed his bag by the front door, “I might be home a little late as well, I’ll call you at lunch and let you know.” He kissed each of the boys’ heads as they ate their breakfast and was out the door before Liam could even respond.

“Alrighty then.  McDonald’s for dinner then, boys?” Liam smiled as his two youngest cheered happily, and Louis nodded.  “Alright good.  Niall, hurry up, bud, you need to go get dressed still.”

~*~

By the time Liam had dropped the two oldest boys off at school and brought Harry home, the last thing he wanted to do was any sort of work.  He got home and cleaned up the kitchen from breakfast, threw in a load of laundry, and cleaned up the boys’ play room just to procrastinate.  Liam worked as an editor for a publishing company, and did all of his work from home in order to take care of the house and the kids.  Zayn made enough money at a large marketing firm for Liam to be a full time stay at home dad, but he had a degree he didn’t want to go to waste, and he didn’t want to be bored every day sitting at home and tending to the housework.  Plus, Harry was getting bigger and once he started school, Liam would be home alone all day long with only the dog for company.  Usually he enjoyed the work he did, editing novels and other publications for the company, but today he was even more tired than usual. 

The exhaustion had been growing and building up over the last few weeks, and no matter how much he slept it didn’t go away.  But today, as soon as Liam finished picking up the stray toys and video game controllers in the play room, he felt like he couldn’t keep his eyes open any more.  He fed Harry his lunch and put him down for his nap, and mentally cringed at the thought of reading over any more manuscripts.  He still had until Friday to edit the last of a novel he had to work on, so he figured he probably had time to sneak in a nap.

He slowly climbed the stairs to his bedroom and dropped down onto the bed, hugging Zayn’s pillow into his chest and closing his eyes.

~*~

When he woke up, this time it was to a ringing he thought he recognized, but when he tried to hit the button on his clock, nothing happened.  His foggy mind cleared enough to let him realize it was his phone ringing on the other side of the mattress and not the clock at all.

Cursing under his breath, he accepted the call and answered with a groggy, “’lo?”

“Hello, Mr. Malik?  This is Mrs. Laythem at Turnbill Primary School.  I was wondering if you or your husband were going to be coming to pick up Niall? Or if I should send him over to the high school with Louis?” the woman’s voice on the other end of the line questioned.

“What?” Liam glanced back the clock.  3:22.  Fuck.  “Shi-… Yes. I’m sorry I lost track of time.  I’ll be there in just a few minutes to get him, I’m very sorry.” Liam jumped up from the bed, holding onto the nightstand for a moment as the room spun, and pulled on his shoes that had been left next to the side of the bed before his nap.

“Okay, I’ll keep him in the main office until you arrive.  I’ll call over to the high school and let them know you’re on your way as well.”

“That would be great, thank you.”

“See you soon.”

Liam hung up and let out a deep breath. _Fuck_.  He’d been asleep for almost 3 hours, and still didn’t feel any bit less exhausted.  And he’d left his kids at school for almost have an hour.  Awesome.

And where was _Harry?_

Liam nearly sprinted into the boy’s room, half expecting him to have tried to escape the crib he was quickly outgrowing and fallen onto the floor and hurt himself.

However, much to Liam’s relief, Harry was sitting up in his crib playing with two of his stuffed animals.  Somehow he had managed to get his shirt off himself and throw it to the floor. He looked up when Liam walked in and a huge smile spread across his chubby cheeks.

“Daddy!” He cheered.

“Hi, baby, I’m so sorry I left you for so long. I took a nap too!”

Harry giggled and reached his arms up for his father. “Daddy take nap. Wet, Daddy.”

Liam scooped him up, noticing his soggy pants.  He had been doing great with potty training, especially for his age, but he still had accidents which usually occurred while he was asleep.  When he went to bed at night, and often when he was put down for naps, Liam would change him into a pull up to avoid any messes, but today had neglected to do so since he was so ready for a nap of his own. 

“Aw, did you wet, Bug? That’s okay, accidents happen.  And it’s Daddy’s fault for leaving you for so long.”

Liam cleaned and changed Harry as fast as he could and got him strapped into his car seat within ten minutes, which was quite an accomplishment if he did think so himself.

As soon as Liam stepped foot through the front door of the elementary school and into the main office, Niall was attached to his leg.

“Daddy!  Daddy where were you why weren’t you here? I was sacred you died!” He said, kissing Liam’s leg and then reaching his arms up to be held.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Liam picked him up and kissed his cheek.  “I just lost track of time and didn’t realize school was all done, bud.  But we gotta go get your brothers too, so let’s go yeah?” Liam held onto Niall and picked up his book bag from a chair near the front desk and said a quick thank you to the woman there before he headed out and buckled Niall into his seat.

Picking Louis up was a different story.  He was waiting on the front steps of the high school playing on his phone, and looked up when Liam tooted the horn at him.  He slung his bag over his shoulder and sagged into the passenger seat of the car.

“What the hell, Dad, I texted you like 30 times.” He grumbled angrily.

“Hey! Watch your language, Louis William, your brothers are in the car.  And I’m sorry.  You could have called and I would have heard it.”

“Whatever let’s just go home.” Louis stuck his ear buds into his ears and turned his attention to look out the window.

Liam sighed and pulled back out of the parking lot, heading for home.

~*~

By the time Zayn got home from work, it was nearly 9 o’clock and Niall and Harry were already in bed, Louis was playing Xbox in the paly room, and Liam was sat on the bed reading through some of his work that was due Friday.  He heard the front door open and close, Zayn mumble something (which he assumed was saying hello to Louis), and heavy footsteps up the stairs. 

“Hey you” Zayn said as he came in the bedroom, pulling off his tie and kicking off his shoes.

Liam glanced up quickly, “Hi”.

“Something wrong?”

“No, no, just trying to get this done as fast as possible. A bit tired.”

“I’m sure.” Zayn said sarcastically.

“Wait what?” Liam put down his papers and looked up at Zayn fully, who was pulling pajamas out of the dresser.

“Nothing.  I just think it’s funny how you’re so tired from sitting at home all day.”  Zayn unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off, replacing it with an old soft tee shirt.

“Zayn, you literally just got home can we please not do this?  You _just_ got home and I haven’t seen you all day.  Like I said, I’m tired.  I don’t feel like dealing with your degrading bullshit right now okay?” Liam sighed and stood up to stretch.

“Whatever, Liam.  Your life is so hard.” Zayn scoffed

Liam didn’t respond.  He just stared at Zayn as he finished getting dressed in his pajamas, then sighed heavily and left the room.  It was best not to push Zayn when he was in these kinds of moods.  He didn’t really know where he was going or why, so he found himself wandering into Harry’s room and checking to make sure he was alright.  The boy was asleep in his crib, arms and legs thrown out wide like a starfish, blankets twisted around his waist and hair wild.  Liam smiled softly at his little boy and thought absently that they should be getting Harry a toddler bed soon.  He was getting big so fast.  As much as Liam loved watching his boys grow up and begin to become more independent, it killed him.  His boys were his world.  And Harry was his _baby._ Of all his boys, Harry was the only one they’d adopted as an infant.  And as much as Liam loved adopting his other two boys as toddlers, when their personalities were already showing through, watching Harry grow from an actual baby was special. 

But it hurt Liam to think that Harry had almost no relationship with Zayn at all.  He loved Zayn and knew Zayn worked hard to make sure his family was happy, but he had been working longer hours for the past year and wasn’t around nearly enough to establish any type of relationship with his youngest son, who was only now beginning to have memories that would last.  Even when Zayn was home, he wasn’t really there.  He was constantly on his phone, on his laptop, checking emails, making calls to the office, or sleeping.  Liam didn’t dare try to bring the topic up with Zayn anymore, because the few times he had in the past had ended in very loud fighting, and Zayn sleeping on the couch. 

The fighting had gotten worse the past few months.  Liam tried to avoid it as much as possible, but it seemed Zayn’s temper had been getting the best of him, and any sort of conversation could strike a nerve that would send them into an argument so fast it made Liam’s head spin.  So Liam did his best to ignore nitpicky or passive aggressive comments in order to avoid an argument.  Niall hated loud noises, and Zayn could get _very_ loud when they fought.  And as much as he hated feeling like he was letting Zayn control him in that sense, all he really wanted was for his kids to be happy. And he would sacrifice a _lot_ for that cause.

So Liam cooked and cleaned and worked, he dressed the kids and fed the kids and picked them up, dropped them off, and watched the kids grow up.  All while Zayn spent his time at the office.  Or spent time picking fights.  And didn’t spend time with his children.

Liam sighed heavily as he sat in the rocking chair in the corner of Harry’s room, still watching his tiny chest move up and down in the soft glow of the ocean-themed night light.

It was only temporary, he kept telling himself.  Only temporary until Zayn could cut down his work schedule, and wouldn’t be tired and wouldn’t be ready to snap at anything Liam did or said.  Only temporary until Zayn could spend time with them and they could all do things as a family.  Only temporary until Zayn would hug and kiss Liam the way he used to, make him feel special and important.  Until then, Liam would manage.  Because he had his kids who he loved more than life, and he loved spending as much time with them as he could.  And he really did love Zayn.  Really. 


	2. Chapter 2

The week dragged on as every other did.  Harry had his usual number of toddler meltdowns, Louis slammed his door around 4,000 times, and Niall knocked over several fragile things around the house “by accident”.  Liam finished editing what he needed to for work – barely – and manage to keep the kids alive and the house standing.  The tension between he and Zayn had relaxed and they were back to normal, even if _normal_ was less than ideal.  All in all, things went along as they usually did.

On Saturday morning, Liam woke to a persistent tongue lapping over and over at his cheek.

“Loki,” he groaned, “get off.”

He gently pushed the dog off of him and rolled over to snuggle into Zayn, but his hand hit empty, cold sheets.  He opened his eyes quickly, wincing slightly against the light coming in through the windows, and saw the bed was, indeed, empty.  His foggy mind tried to process the information, wondering where Zayn could possibly be at… whatever time it was in the morning on a Saturday.  Usually (almost always) Liam was up long before Zayn, who took the opportunity to sleep in until around 11 while Liam got up with the kids and got them breakfast.  So the fact that he wasn’t there was a little disheartening.  Liam liked morning cuddles on the rare occasion they had time.

But at least he had Loki. Loki would cuddle with him.

Liam stretched and rolled back over, petting the dog for a few minutes before he decided he might as well get up.  It was nearing 11:30 and he hadn’t realized how late he had slept in, and was hoping that wherever Zayn was, he was with the boys and that they’d been fed.  Harry got cranky when he was hungry for too long and Niall would try to rummage through the cupboards for food and end up making a big mess Liam would have to clean up.  He really didn’t feel like dealing with either of those things at the moment.

So, after standing and stretching one more time, Liam headed downstairs.  Halfway down, he could hear that the television was on, and a few steps later he saw Niall and Zayn on the couch, both watching the children’s show he could hear playing.  Niall was curled up in Zayn’s side, pajamas still on and stuffed lamb in his arms.

“Good morning, sunshines,” Liam greeted cheerfully, and both males looked up.

“Daddy!”  Niall cheered and flew off the couch and jumped to stand right in front of Liam with his arms up in the air to be held.  Liam immediately obliged and scooped the child up and set him on his hip, placing a kiss on his rosy little cheek.

“Hello, hello, little man.  Whatcha watchin’?” he asked his son.

“Cartoons! Baba made breakfast.  We had eggs and toast it was so good!” Niall exclaimed loudly, right next to his ear.

“Shh, Nialler, bring the volume down just a little alright? That sounds nice, Baba makes the best eggs.”

“He does, Daddy, but you make the best eggs too!”

Liam chuckled.  “Well thank you, bud.”

He kissed his boy’s cheek one more time and sat on the couch next to his husband with Niall in his lap, who settled down comfortably with his back leaning against Liam’s chest.

“You got up early this morning,” He commented, laying his head on Zayn’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Zayn replied, wrapping and arm around the younger man’s shoulders, “I heard Harry calling you from his room and figured I might as well get up since I was awake and you weren’t.  Thought I’d let you sleep in for once.”

A smile grew on Liam’s face at his husband’s words and he turned his head to kiss his cheek and whisper a quiet _thank you_ and then “where are the other two?”

“Louis took Harry outside to play in the garden.  I think they took his dump truck out there so I’m sure he’ll bring him in covered in dirt.”

“Oh joy.”

Zayn chuckled, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll give him a bath when they come in.”

“Good luck,” Liam smiled in amusement. 

“Why?”

“Harry is a monster to get in the tub.  I usually have to trick him somehow, and if that doesn’t work I can usually bribe him into getting through the bath without too much of a tantrum.” Liam explained with a small smile.

“Harry doesn’t like baths?  Since when?” Zayn turned to look at Liam in confusion.

“Uh… since always.  I don’t think he’s ever willingly taken a bath in his life.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.” Zayn shrugged. _Of course you didn’t_ was all Liam could think.  “I’m sure I’ll manage.”

“He might like getting a bath with Baba.  Maybe it’s just me that he hates,” Liam mused.

Zayn laughed and kissed the side of Liam’s head, who smiled wide at the attention he was getting.  “I’m sure it’s not you, babe.”

_Babe._

Liam’s heart swelled.  Today was going to be a good day.

~*~

After the little morning cuddle session, Liam went into the kitchen to clean some of the dishes that had been left over from breakfast. After the two boys were done playing in the back yard, Louis took his bike to go hang out with his friends at the park down the street, and Harry did, in fact, come inside covered in dirt.  And he did, in fact, try to run and hide from Zayn when he told him he needed a bath.  Fortunately for his fathers, two year olds aren’t very good at finding hiding places.  He had himself wedged behind the china cabinet in the dining room, which was generally his go-to hiding spot.  He was the only one small enough to fit back there, and he knew it was too heavy for either of his brothers, or even one of his fathers to move in order to get him out.

“Harry Edward, I know you’re back there so let’s go.  Time to get all clean.” Zayn called behind the china cabinet.

“Baba no!” Harry yelled back, trying to push himself farther into the corner behind the cabinet.

“Harry, you need a bath and the longer you stay back there the longer I’m going to make you sit in the tub.”

“No tub!”

“Yes tub!  Don’t make me reach back there and pull you out!”

Liam came out of the kitchen, wiping his wet hands on his joggers as Niall clung to his back like a baby sloth.

“Zayn, come on, be reasonable.  He’s two.” Liam sighed, peeking behind the cabinet, “Harry, come on love.  You’re going to need a bath before you go to bed tonight anyway, so wouldn’t you rather get it done now so you can play before bed?”

Harry audibly hummed in thought.  “Daddy,” he proclaimed, “no tub.”

Liam sighed and bent down and nudged Niall off his back so he could try and slide the cabinet away from the wall a little more. But damn, was it heavy.

“Alright,” Liam began, speaking quietly to Zayn, “I’m going to go up and start running the water, you get him out of there.”

Zayn nodded and Liam turned to go upstairs and start running the water for Harry’s bath.  He got out the basket of bath toys and Harry’s shampoo and jungle themed wash cloth and towel that he insisted were the only ones that could properly get him clean. 

After the tub was full and Zayn still hadn’t appeared with Harry, Liam gave up and went downstairs.  Clearly, letting Zayn handle things wasn’t going to work. 

When he got back to the dining room, Zayn was leaning with his palms flat on the table, head hung between his shoulders, and back rigid and tense. Obviously, Zayn was starting to get frustrated and wasn’t going to be any help.  Liam was going to have to do everything himself.

Niall was sitting in by the edge of the cabinet, peeking back at his little brother.

“Come on, Harry! Baths are so fun! You can play with all the tub toys! Even my sharks and everything!  It’ll be fun I promise.  Maybe Baba will let you use lots of bubbles and you can make him a bubble hat.” He said excitedly. 

Liam smiled at that.  Niall was forever his optimist.  Everything was fun to him.  But then Harry was yelling again.

“No!  Not want Baba!  Want my daddy!” he wailed.

Oh, so that was the problem.  Liam looked over to Zayn, who was still standing as rigidly as he was when Liam walked in.  His patience had clearly run out.

“Harry, come on out from behind the cabinet for Daddy and we can have a bit of a cuddle before your bath okay?  We can watch SpongeBob for a bit first, how does that sound?” Liam tried.

Silence.  Then rustling.  And Harry poked his head out.

“Toons?” He asked.

“Yeah, babe, toons.  We can watch some toons, yeah?”

“Yeah!” Harry beamed and crawled out from behind the cabinet entirely.  He had a smudge of dirt across his left cheek, as well as patches and smears all over his clothes and knees.  He was certainly in need of a bath and would probably have to strip down to his underwear before he could sit on the couch for their cuddle. 

But, as he was emerged completely from his hiding spot, Zayn immediately grabbed him by the arm and lifted him into his own arms to take him upstairs.  Liam flinched in surprise as the speed of Zayn’s sudden movement, and wondered what he was doing.  He had literally _just_ told Harry they could cuddle for a bit before taking his bath, but apparently Zayn didn’t care about that.  Harry cried out and began to fight and struggle in Zayn’s grasp, flailing his arms and legs to try and get out of his father’s hold.

“Harry, stop it _right now_ ,” Zayn growled, holding onto his son even tighter to try and calm his wild movements.

“No, Baba!  No tub!” Harry wailed and reached out for Liam, “Want Daddy!”

Loki started barking and trotted in from the living room, raising the noise level in the room even more.

“No, you’re going to deal with me and you’re going to take a bath like you’re supposed to whether you like it or not.  You don’t make the rules here, we do, got it?”

“Baba _no!_ ” Harry screeched, tantrum in full swing.

Loki started jumping around, still barking along to the excitement.

Liam stood there, unsure what to do.  In a moment his mind was flipping through the different approaches he could take to this.  Zayn was being a little harsh, but giving in to Harry would undermine Zayn’s authority in the house.  Before he could say or do anything to intervene in the situation, there was a small body clinging to his leg.

“Daddy!” Niall gasped in fear, looking up at Liam with wide eyes “Daddy Baba’s hurting him! Daddy make him stop!”

Liam’s heart clenched.  This was exactly the type of thing he never wanted Niall to feel or see or experience in their home.  He’d had enough of this in his life, and Liam knew how much this small event could affect the boy even now.  So he crouched down to his height and wrapped him in his arms as Zayn left the room with Harry still screaming from his arms.

“Niall, babe, Baba wasn’t hurting him okay?  I promise he didn’t hurt him at all.” Niall wrapped his little arms around his father’s neck as he rubbed his small back and continued, “You know your baba would never hurt any of you, yeah?  Harry was just upset because he had to take a bath and he doesn’t like them.  He wasn’t hurt, he was just having a fit like he does sometimes, okay?”

Niall sniffled and nodded against Liam’s shoulder, who hoisted him up and moved them to the couch.  Harry could still be heard crying and calling for Liam from upstairs, which broke Liam’s heart, but he knew he had to let Zayn do this. 

~*~

A few hours later and Liam was back in the kitchen making dinner as Niall sat at the kitchen island coloring a picture.  Harry had been bathed, much to his dismay, and Louis had returned from his trip to the park.  The two were in the play room and Liam could hear the sounds of Harry’s train set as well as the television blaring the theme music to a video game.  Zayn was in his office answering emails _just for a few minutes because they were really important_. 

Liam stirred the pan of vegetables and turned around to look at his middle son.  He was coloring quietly, which was so odd and out of character for Niall that he knew he was still feeling off after the events earlier that afternoon.  Niall was _never_ quiet.  He was always talking or humming or singing or drumming on the counter tops, even while coloring.  Liam liked it; the constant noise wasn’t too loud or grating and it made the house feel full and alive and vibrant.  And if it got him in a little trouble at school, so be it.

“Hey, Nialler,” he called softly and continued when the boy looked up, “you alright, bub?”

Niall nodded and went back to coloring.  So that was a no, then.

He set down the wooden spoon he had been using and went over to sit on the stool next to Niall to see what he was coloring.  Just a standard Niall drawing: not really a picture, just a bunch of random items in places around the paper.  A football in one corner, a dog in another, and a tree in the middle.  Like everything the seven year old did, it was a little wild and untamed, but it was cute. 

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Are you still upset about what happened earlier?” he pried just a little. 

Niall stopped coloring and turned to look at his father, blue eyes wide and serious.

“Why did Baba grab him like that?  Why was he so _mad?_ Harry always does that.” The boy’s pout had been perfected years ago, before he would even speak to them, but had learned it got his daddies to cater to his every need without him having to open his mouth.  In this case, however, it was breaking Liam’s heart because he wasn’t using it to beg for anything or get out of trouble.  He was scared.

“Babe, he doesn’t know Harry is always like that.  Since he’s not usually home at Harry’s bath time and I always give him his bath, he’s never really been there for it.  He was angry because he was tired and frustrated at your brother for not listening.  The way he grabbed him didn’t hurt him, sweetheart, I promise.  Your baba would never, ever, _ever_ hurt any of you, okay?” Liam smoothed down his fluffy blond hair and smiled reassuringly.  “Like I said before, he was crying like that because he was just having a fit like he does sometimes, because he’s little and can’t use his words like big boys.  He wasn’t hurt at all, bud.”

Niall nodded and leaned his head against Liam’s arm.

“Baba is always mad.” He mumbled.

And that hurt Liam just as much as the fear in Niall’s eyes had hurt him earlier.  Because he had been trying so hard to shield his boys from Zayn’s bad moods and stress, and trying so hard to make the time they all spent together as positive as possible.  He had hoped Niall hadn’t picked up on the tension that often had Zayn’s shoulders set in a tight line, or the grumbled comment he made under his breath, or even the way he ribbed his temples in aggravation when Niall was being just a little too loud.  But Niall was a perceptive little shit, especially for only being seven, and he picked up on people’s moods quickly. 

Liam sighed, “Baba isn’t always mad, bud.  He just gets frustrated because he gets really tired from work, and when he comes home he wants to relax and have fun but he’s still tired and gets a little grumpy. But he’s not always mad. And even if he super super mad, he would still never hurt any of you no matter what.”

“You promise?”

“Pinky promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta da! That was fast, no?  
> Introducing Loki aka the best character bc hes adorable and I love him I'm his biggest fan  
> Also a little peak into Niall's history


	3. Niall

Niall had been abused.  Badly.

When he first came to Liam and Zayn, he was a silent, wide-eyed, fearful mess of a three year old.  Though the social worker who introduced the couple to the boy had said he _could_ talk, it quickly became obvious that that was either false, or he just didn’t want to.

Bringing him home from the adoption agency was a process in itself.  They had notified the agency that they were ready for another child, preferably a boy, and preferably younger than 10 year old Louis, and got the phone call about Niall coming in the very next day.  To Liam, it seemed like fate.  To Zayn, it seemed like they were rushing things.  They took the time to talk about it before they decided that they’d meet him, and that would determine their choice.

Once Liam saw his big blue eyes he knew he wouldn’t take no for an answer. 

And once Liam heard Niall’s story, he would be _damned_ if he let that little boy waste away in a government run boys’ home until he aged out of the system, alone and with no one to call a family.  Niall _needed_ them in the most dire sense of the word. 

Zayn was skeptical.

  _A child like that would take so much extra work, can we swing it?_

_A child like that might never even love us._

_A child like that could be special needs,_ are we okay with that _?_

_A child like that could really be a problem; he could have behavior issues and anger and violence, Liam, it’s all he’s known._

So they went back home, talked about it with Louis (who was ecstatic at the thought of having a little brother), and had one of the biggest fights they’d ever had.  Liam wasn’t going to take no for an answer, and while Zayn didn’t _dislike_ Niall – he’d seen those puppy eyes, he was in love too- he was concerned Liam wasn’t thinking it through. Liam accused him of being heartless.  And Zayn accused Liam of being naïve in thinking he could fix such a broken child.

In the end, of course, they decided adopting Niall was the only real option.  Zayn, though he was concerned about how it all would actually, realistically turn out, couldn’t leave the poor boy there any more than Liam could.

So a few weeks later and Niall was silently sitting on their couch, clutching his stuffed lamb in his arms, and staring at his feet.  He didn’t make eye contact.  Ever. He didn’t speak, he didn’t touch anything, he barely moved from his spot on the couch where he had been invited to sit.  Even that had taken a lot of convincing from Liam to assure him he was allowed on the furniture. 

Zayn had taken a week off of work to help Niall get settled in and comfortable with his new home and new family, but by the time he had to go back to work they’d gotten nearly nowhere.  He was still flinching at sudden movements or noises, wouldn’t look up at them or make eye contact, and had yet to make a single noise.  He accepted food and a sippy cup when handed to him, but he was slow and shaky to take them from Liam’s hand. 

Baths had been another struggle.  He would begin to panic at being touched by either of them, and didn’t seem to know how to wash himself.  Liam took to running a warm bath full of soapy, bubbly water and letting Niall sit in the tub for a while until he thought he might be a bit cleaner.  He did notice, though, that Niall liked to play with things when he didn’t think anyone was looking.  He danced his sheep along the floor and hummed to himself, he played with the bubbles in the bathtub, and even took to tracing the patterns on the linoleum kitchen floor with his fingers while Liam cooked or cleaned a few feet away.  But once he notice someone looking at him, he would stop immediately.

It was hard for Louis.  He was ten, so he was old enough to understand that Niall was afraid and he didn’t try to push any interactions with his new little brother, but Liam could tell he was unhappy.  He’d been excited for a little brother, and now that he was here, he couldn’t play with him or talk to him without the younger boy panicking. 

Days home alone with Niall while Louis was at school and Zayn was at work were relatively easy.  Niall seemed a lot less tense when it was just the two of them in the house, and was _slowly_ starting to nod his head yes or no when Liam asked him a question.  It was a small development, but it meant the world to Liam.  It meant all the work he was doing to let Niall know he was safe, and let him know his new family could be trusted to love and take care of him was working. 

It was painful at times, for Liam, when all he wanted to do was scoop Niall up and give him a big hug, or set him on his lap for a cuddle and a movie.  And it went on like that for months. 

It had been almost three months, and Niall still flinched at loud noises, but was less often flinching away when one of his new family members moved near him or handed him something.  He was slowly beginning to be alright with Liam touching him – but only a little – to help him get dressed or bathed.

It was three months and ten days when he said his first word in the house, which was a softly whispered “no” when asked if he wanted more corn at dinner.  The entire family froze in surprise and looked around at each other happily as Niall continued to stare down at his plate and push around cut up pieces of chicken Liam had given him.

In the following months, things had improved rapidly.  Niall let Liam hold his hand in public and would even look up at his new fathers and brother and make eye contact when he was addressed.  He started smiling and giggling quietly at TV or the conversation around him when the whole family was home, and played with his toys in the play room no matter who was watching.  Soon after, he even played with toys _with_ Louis, all while beginning to communicate more with small noises and softly mumbled words.

During the first six months of his life in the Malik house, Niall formed a very close bond with his daddy Liam.  Being home together all day every day, it was obvious that Liam was the one he was most comfortable with for everything.  Every day, it became more and more clear to Liam the kind of personality Niall had hidden underneath the layers of fear and anxiety and PTSD .  While talking to Zayn about it one night, he likened it to the sun finally coming out from behind a dense layer of clouds.  And as months, and eventually years, passed, Liam’s sunshine shone brighter and brighter every single day.  Niall laughed loudly and talked almost non-stop, and he loved to run around and play more wildly than any other boy his age.  But on the flip side, he _loved_ to cuddle.  He loved to sit in Liam’s lap or cuddle up next to one of his family members for a movie, and crawled into bed between his fathers at least once a week because he bed was _too lonely and cold_.  All in all, Niall was Liam’s _baby._  He loved Louis just as much, of course, but the bond he and Niall had was something special.  He had helped his little boy come out of the dark, scary shell he had been hiding inside when he came to them, and vowed to _never_ let anyone or anything hurt him again.

Niall had been to a few psychologists for evaluation of his PTSD, which had been relatively mild after the first few months as a Malik.  He still had occasional nightmares and flashbacks, but nothing that couldn’t be settled with a cup of tea and a cuddle with his daddies.  Loud, sudden noises still made him nearly jump out of his skin (and sometimes cry), and Liam doubted that would ever go away.  Thunderstorms were a _nightmare_ , but again, Niall found safety in his father’s bed. 

And that’s why there was _absolutely_ no spanking or any kind of physical punishment for any of Liam’s boys, no matter what.  They tried their best not to yell as well, both because of how it scared Niall and because they found other methods worked for their kids better anyway. 

Because Liam would quite literally rather _die_ than see that fear in Niall’s eyes ever again, or know that he allowed something or someone to hurt or scare him the way his biological parents did.  Period.

And that was the cause of the argument he and Zayn were currently having in hushed whispers in their bedroom as their two youngest were in bed for the night, and Louis was in his room finishing his homework.

Liam had come into the room after his shower to find Zayn laying on their bed, idly flipping through channels on the television.  He had formed a little mental outline of the things he wanted to talk about with Zayn and specific things he wanted to say. 

He had begun with, “Zayn, I kinda wanted to talk to you about how you handled that situation with Harry today.”

Zayn had looked up at him with his eyebrows drawn together and his mouth set in a line.

“I don’t know what there is to talk about.”

“Look, babe,” Liam had sighed, “I know you’re not always around as much as I am, so I know how to handle the kids, and they’re all different.  But I think today maybe you got a little too frustrated and acted with that and were a little too aggressive.”

“Too _aggressive?_  Liam, Harry was flat out disobeying what we were both telling him to do, and once I had the chance I took him upstairs to give him a bath like he was supposed to.  What the fuck was I supposed to do, let the god damn two year old run the household?” Zayn spat.

“Zayn!” Liam hissed, “Come on keep your voice down, the boys are sleeping.”

Zayn rolled his eyes

Liam continued, “I just think you took it a little too far with him, it’s not all about _obeying,_ you know.  It’s about having a good relationship with your kids, Zayn.  And yelling and being angry and rough with them is not helping the already weak relationship you have with them, you cant –“

“ _What?”_ Zayn cut him off, “what the hell do you mean _weak relationship?_ ”

“Oh come _on_ , Zayn.  Don’t act like you’re father of the year here.”

“Excuse me?” Zayn stood up.  “What the fuck do you want from me, Liam?  To sit at home all day with you and the kids so we can be poor and live in a box on the streets? Is that what you want for them? I’m sorry that I _work_ so we don’t all starve.”

“Zayn, come on I know you work and it’s important but I don’t really want to get into that stuff right now okay? Please? I just want to talk about how you handled the situation earlier. That’s all I care about right now.”

“Fine. _Fine._ Because it’s only about what Liam wants, right?” Zayn sat back on the edge of the bed and leaned his elbows on his knees.

“Oh come _on_ you know that’s not what I’m saying.” Liam crossed his arms.  “I just don’t want this to turn into the same fight we always have that always has the same outcome.  I just want you to know what you did today was wrong and you scared the shit out of Niall.  You can’t _do_ that stuff around him, Zayn.  Not to him or to any one of my other babies.”

“Yeah, because every time I do something you don’t like, I’m the one at fault, and suddenly they’re _your_ kids.  If Niall was scared, I’m sorry. Honestly. I didn’t mean to scare him, and I can talk to him tomorrow to make sure he’s alright with everything.  But as for Harry, maybe you’re the one who’s wrong for coddling them so much.  You baby them and don’t punish them for misbehaving, and then where are we?  They’ll all end up monsters, Liam!  Treating them as breakable little babies isn’t going to get them anywhere in the real world.”

“Zayn he’s two!  He still _is_ a baby!  None of our kids have turned into monsters, and they won’t, because I know how to handle each of their moods.  We have good kids, Zayn.  They’re good boys.  And what you did was wrong because you roughly picked him up, yeah, but you took him up and forced him into the bath after I had promised him a cuddle first.  He was going to take the bath afterward.  But you undermined my authority and made me seem like a liar in front of both of them. And _that_ was wrong.”

“Because by promising him something like that in order to get him to do something he _has_ to do is ridiculous, Liam!  You can’t bargain your way through raising them!”

“I’m not!  You just don’t know how to handle them. Especially Harry.” Liam stated, going over to the dresser and fiddling around with some of the things sitting on top of it.

“What does that mean?” Zayn asked angrily.

“You know what it means.  You don’t know a thing about Harry besides his fucking name, Zayn.  You hardly exist to him.  He doesn’t know you either.” Liam was tired of the conversation at this point, and just wanted this to be over.  But these were things that needed to be said.

“How _dare_ you try and tell me I don’t know my own son?  Who the fuck do you think you are, Liam?” Zayn’s voice was rising.

Liam whirled around, fuming, “Who am _I?_   I’m the one who has changed all of his diapers and potty trained him and taught him to use a fucking spoon.  I kiss all his boo boos and sing him to sleep and get him dressed in the morning and feed him. I take care of him and love him like a father should.  What do you do, besides supply the funds for that?  Do you know his favorite color? His favorite animal or favorite food or cartoon?  No, you don’t.  Because you know nothing about him at all, and it doesn’t seem like you care to learn.  It doesn’t seem like you care about much of anything besides your fucking job anymore, Zayn.  But I care about this family and our boys whether you do or not.  You can say you care, but until you start showing it I’m not going to fucking believe you.  One of your kids has hardly had any contact with you _in his life_ and another is fucking scared of you.  So yeah, congrats, Zayn.  Dad of the fucking year.”

As soon as Liam ended his rant, he could hear the crying from down the hall. _Shit._

“Fuck you, Liam-“

“No, shut up Zayn.  I don’t want to hear it anymore.” Liam cut him off as he left the room, shutting the door behind him and going down the hall to Harry’s room. 

Before he could walk inside, he stood just on the other side of the threshold and took a long, deep breath to calm the shaking in his limbs. After a moment, he stepped inside to see Harry standing in his crib, holding on to the rail on the side with his mouth wide open in a loud cry and tears streaming down his reddened face.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Liam cooed and picked his baby up.  “What’s wrong, little love?”  He bounced Harry lightly before sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of the room.

“Daddy yell!” Harry wailed, gripping Liam’s shirt and pressing his face into the fabric.

Liam held him tightly and kissed his dark curls.

“I know, baby boy,” he hummed, “I’m sorry.  It’s all okay, though, bub.  You’re alright.”  Liam rubbed the boy’s tiny back and slowly rocked him in the chair until his cries quieted down and he laid quietly on Liam’s shoulder. 

“Alright, there we go, babe.  You’re okay.” Liam kisses his chubby cheek and stood up to place Harry back in his crib, but the boy wouldn’t let go of his shirt.

“Daddy, nooo!” he whined, clinging to his father, “Daddy stay!”

“Okay, okay, bud.  Wanna come sleep with Daddy then?”

“Yeah!”

“Alright, you can do that,” Liam adjusted his hold on Harry and walked out of the room, only to realize he didn’t really want to go back to his bedroom with Zayn.  So, he decided he’d go downstairs to the couch and turn on the TV for a while until Harry fell asleep on him, and then maybe he’d be able to slip the toddler back into his crib without waking him. 

However, halfway down the hall, he heard a soft call of _daddy_ from Niall’s room. He sighed and peeked his head in the doorway to see Niall sat up in his bed.

“What’s up, buttercup?” He asked his son lightly.

“Daddy can you lay with me for a while?” He asked, reaching both his arms out to his father, as if Liam could ever say no to a cuddle with one of his boys.

“Sure, babe.  But I’ve got Harry so he’s gonna cuddle too, okay?”

“Yeah, that’s okay.  I like him.” Niall said as he scooched over in his twin bed so he was closer to wall.

Liam chuckled and slid under the dinosaur themed duvet next to Niall.

“Well, good, I’m glad you like him, because you’re stuck with him until you’re both all grown up.”

“That’s good, I don’t want him to go anywhere.”

Liam laid on his back, proper back against one of Niall’s pillows, and laid Harry on his chest who immediately nuzzled his face into the fabric of his shirt.  Niall cuddled up to Liam’s side with his head resting on his bicep.

“Why were you and Baba yelling?  Is he mad again?” Niall asked after a few moments of silence.

“Sometimes, when people are married, they get mad and yell, bud.  There’s not always a reason.  But it’s all okay now,” he hated lying to his son, but it was the best response he could think of. 

“Okay, good, Daddy.  Because no one is allowed to stay mad in this house I won’t let them and I bet Harry would be on my team.  I’m gonna go to sleep now.” Niall said.

Liam chuckled again and moved to wrap his arm around Niall’s small body, who snuggled closer and laid his head on his shoulder.

The bed was a bit small for the three of them, but Liam supposed it would do quite nicely for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, you got Niall's background in this one. Sorry this chapter is all pretty negative, but I hope it was enjoyable anyway!  
> Also sorry Louis hasn't had much of a part yet, but it's coming I promise


	4. Chapter 4

When Liam woke the next morning, it took him a moment to realize where he was and why he wasn’t in his own bed.  He remembered, eventually, falling asleep in Niall’s bed with him and Harry, but both boys were gone and the blanket was hanging off the bed and on the floor. 

Liam sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face in a vain attempt to help wake himself up a little more, though he knew it was useless.  He had hardly slept that night in the small, cramped bed, and the words he and Zayn had yelled at each had played over and over in his mind until exhaustion had taken over.  He had a felt a mix of emotions as he had laid there trying to sleep, but mostly he just felt _sad._  Sad that he and Zayn had turned into these angry strangers and sad that Zayn seemed to care about almost everything but Liam himself. 

Zayn, who had lifted Liam out of the pit of sadness he had been in before they met and loved him back to health.  Zayn, his husband, and his best friend for over 15 years.  Zayn, who now only made Liam feel like shit.

But he had known he was just tired and upset and the emotions from the fight were still too fresh to correctly process.  He had told himself over and over as he had tried to sleep: _Zayn loves me.  I’m important.  Zayn loves me.  I’m important.  Zayn loves me._

But now, on a new day, when the feelings were less raw, he felt a little better.  He felt like he could talk to Zayn about what had happened the night before if he could just get himself to get up and out of bed.

But god was he _tired._

_Always so tired._

After a few minutes of trying to psych himself up to get out of bed, Liam heard footsteps thundering up the stairs and braced himself just in time for a blond tornado to cannonball onto him on the bed.

“Daddy!  Daddy wake up and guess what?” Niall yelled as he tried to pull the blankets off of Liam.

“What, bud?”

“No, Daddy, you have to _guess_ ” Niall giggled and patted his father’s hair.  Liam snorted.

“Hmm…” He hummed thoughtfully, sitting up in the bed and allowing Niall to fall over in his lap, “Your toes are turning purple?”

Niall laughed, “No, Daddy, ew!  Baba said we’re going to the playground today!” The seven year old threw his hands up in the air on the word _playground_ as if to emphasize the awesomeness this day was about to bring.

Liam smiled and gently shushed the loud boy, “Aw, that sounds fun.  Is everyone going or just you and Baba?”

“I don’t know.  He said Harry can come but you should come too and maybe Louis if he’s being nice.”

“I’m sure we can get Louis to be nice.  He likes playing with you guys.”

“Not anymore!” Niall whined, “He used to but now he’s always kinda mean and doesn’t want to play anything except the Xbox and go see that _girl_.” Niall spat the word like a curse and Liam laughed.

“Well, maybe today he’ll want to spend some time with us, yeah?  And if not, we’ll make him.”

~*~

They certainly ended up having to _make_ him go.

Breakfast had been a bit tense between Liam and Zayn as they both avoided each other’s eyes and tried to pretend the previous night hadn’t happened.  They ate French toast and tried to keep a positive face on for the boys while they planned their outing for the day: playground for a while and then out to lunch. 

Louis was _not_ impressed.  He had had plans to meet up with a girl (the same girl he had been spending a lot of time with, though he refused to tell his parents anything about her, including her name), and was angry for having to change those plans.   

“No, Dad,” He huffed after about the 10th time had nicely asked that he reschedule with The Girl and spend some time with his family. “I don’t want to go sit under a tree and watch them run around and scream.  Why would that be _any_ fun for me?”

“Because you’ll be spending time with your family who love you,” Liam forced a small convincing smile, “and afterwards we can go out for lunch.  Then after we get home you can go hang out with whoever you want.”

“What if I want to hang out with drug dealers and murderers?”

“Louis,” Liam blew out a deep breath and rubbed his temples, “I don’t think one afternoon of hanging out with your family is that much to ask.  Now go get dressed and ready to go, because you’re coming.”

“No, I’m not!” Louis’ voice grew louder and Liam felt a migraine coming on, “You can’t make me.”

“Louis,” Zayn snapped, “Listen to your father.  It’s only a few hours, you’ll survive I promise.”

“Oh my god I _hate_ it here!” Louis groaned loudly and stomped upstairs and slammed his bedroom door.

Liam shook his head, “If I had a dollar for every time he slammed that door, we could go on vacation to Fiji for a whole year.”

“Well, you can’t really blame him for not wanting to go play with his much younger brothers on a playground,” Zayn mumbled, turning back around to pack some snacks into Harry’s diaper bag.

“No, but he likes playing with them.  Especially Harry.  He’s just being pissy because he doesn’t like when I tell him what to do.” Liam slid into a chair at the kitchen table.

“No, he’s being pissy because he’s a moody teenager, Liam, it happens.”

“Yeah, I… I know.” Liam mumbled softly a felt a little pang in his chest.  He was trying to have a normal conversation with Zayn, why did he always have to get snarky?

 _Zayn loved him.  He was important_. 

A tense, uncomfortable silence settled over the room.

Liam sighed and stood up slowly and made his way upstairs to help the younger boys get ready to go to the playground. 

~*~

The car ride was fun, as it usually was with the two littler boys.  Liam popped in their favorite Tarzan CD and Niall sang along to every song, while Harry mumbled general syllables that sounded roughly similar to the words Phil Collins’ voice carried through the speakes.  They were cute and Liam loved them.  Louis put on his headphones and played around on his phone, and Zayn drove while humming along to the music.

Once the family reached the playground, Harry happily cheered his best interpretation of the word, which came out sounding like “pagand”.  Everyone piled out of the vehicle and Niall immediately made a beeline for the play structure and began to climb.  Louis plopped down grumpily under a tree, headphones still on.  Zayn unloaded the picnic blanket and diaper bag while Liam hoisted Harry out of his seat and set him on the unfolded blanket.

“Should we be letting Niall play over there by himself?” Zayn wondered as he sat down with his book open and ready to read.

“Zayn, he’s 20 feet away.” Liam chuckled and smiled a little bit.

“Yeah, but kids get snatched from ten feet away.”

“Well, we’re both right here, we can see him, and he’s smart enough not to talk to creepy strangers.” Liam plopped down next to him and pulled Harry into his lap, who giggled and flopped against his daddy.  Liam turned to look at his husband and smiled, “thanks for this.  It was a good idea.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured we could all use a day together, and that it would help Niall feel a little better about yesterday.  It’s nothing big but I thought it would help.”

“This is perfect, Zayn.”  Liam knew it was Band-Aid solution to the issues they had fought over the previous night, and after this one day of being together, Zayn would go back to his usual avoidance strategies and assume the problem was fixed.

Before Zayn could reply, _daddy_ was being screeched from the swing set, where Niall sat kicking his feet wildly.

“What, bug?”

“Come push me!” Niall called.  Liam chuckled and began to move Harry from his lap to get up, but Zayn stopped him and stood up.

“I got him, Li.”

The younger man smiled and watched his husband walk about halfway to the swing set, before it seemed Niall realized his baba was the one coming to push him on the swing.

“No, Baba, I want Daddy.”

Zayn stopped, “I can push a swing just as well as Daddy can, babe, maybe even better.”

“No,” Niall whined, “Daddy, please!”

Liam could see Zayn deflate slightly, then he turned to walk back over the blanket and sit down.

“He said he wants you.” He said as he dropped back down to sit beside his husband.

“Yeah, I heard him.  Sorry, babe.”  Liam knew that feeling.  It hurt when any one of their children rejected him for play time, cuddles, or anything else.  But he knew it wasn’t anything personal; just kids being kids.  Zayn, however, didn’t know that.

“Whatever,” Zayn grumbled under his breath and reached for his book again.

“Hey,” Liam mumbled and hoisted Harry out of his lap and stood him on his chubby little legs in front of Zayn, “Harry _loves_ the slide, and would probably _love_ to play on it with his baba.”

“Sly!” Harry gasped and bounced in excitement, pointing to the play equipment.

Zayn laughed, “No, buddy, _slide._ Wanna go play on the slide?”

“Yeah!”

Zayn smiled and stood, scooping Harry up into his arms and carried him over to the swing.  Liam stood as well and was about to head over to the swings, but turned to speak to Louis, “Ya know, kiddo, I know you still love to go on the swings too.”

Louis grumbled but didn’t look up from his phone.  Oh well. 

So Liam pushed Niall on the swings and scolded him gently when he jumped off at the highest point.  Zayn played with Harry on the slide until Harry wanted to try the swings too, and Liam pushed the two of them while Zayn went back over to sit on the blanket with Louis.  The teenager was still playing on his phone with his headphones on, and Zayn read his book.

A few minutes of going back and forth between his two boys, pushing them and keeping them going on the swings, and Liam’s arm were pretty damn tired.  He was ready to suggest a snack time, or even that they all head to lunch, but when he looked back over to the blanket under the tree, he decided to deal with his heavy limbs and stay put.  Zayn had, apparently, brought a deck of cards, and he and Louis were immersed in a game.  Both were smiling and Louis laughed loudly as Zayn threw his cards down in mock anger at having lost that round of whatever game they were playing.

Liam’s heart swelled.  Louis wasn’t always grumpy, but he was pretty much always grumpy.  Seeing his boy and his husband (who had been quite grumpy lately, as well) being so damn cute made Liam smile.  He decided not to disturb them quite yet, and let them go about their game.

~*~

A half hour later and Harry was getting a little grumpy, meaning it was lunch time or a full-blown tantrum was on its way.  The family packed up and headed to a diner in town and squeezed into the corner booth.

Harry refused to sit still, and kept reaching for things on the table despite Liam’s gentle chastising.  After he knocked over his cup of apple juice and their poor waitress had to clean and reset the table, Liam decided to tug the toddler into his lap and keep him there at least until their food arrived.  But Niall wasn’t having it.

“Daddy, no, I want to sit in your lap, please,” He smiled sweetly and tugged at Liam’s arm.

“Harry needs to sit here he’s being a little naughty.” Liam reasoned.

“I think Harry wants to sit in Baba’s lap so I can sit in your lap.”

Liam snorted out a laugh, “Alright, but only if Baba wants to hold Harry.”

Zayn looked up at the sound of his name and nodded, reaching over to lift Harry over onto his lap while Niall immediately crawled into Liam’s.  The youngest boy immediately began to fuss and push back against Zayn’s chest to try and get out of his lap.

“Harry, come on, calm down, baby.” Zayn soothed gently (Liam cheered mentally for the calm tone of Zayn’s voice).

“Baba, no!” Harry whined and reached over to Zayn’s other side for Louis, who was, of course, playing on his phone, “Lou!”

“Don’t you wanna sit with Baba, babe?” Zayn asked.

“No, want Lou.”  Harry tried to wiggle his way out of Zayn’s arms.

“I can take him, Baba, its okay.” Louis said easily and reached for his little brother.  Zayn sighed and let the toddler crawl off of him and over to Louis, who hugged the littler boy once he was seated comfortably on his lap.

“There we go, all cozy then?” Liam asked cheerfully, though he could tell Zayn wasn’t feeling so positive.  He tried again, “We’ve got a baba sandwich, don’t we?”  He gestures to Zayn sitting in the middle of the corner booth, with Louis and Harry on one side, and Liam and Niall on the other.

The blond boy giggled, “We’re the bread and Baba is the peanut butter and jelly!”

Zayn smiled a little at that and popped Niall on the nose, making him laugh.

Yeah, as far as Liam was concerned, it was a good day.

~*~

Later that evening as the two men were getting ready for bed and Liam was brushing his teeth, Zayn stood in the doorframe.

“So, maybe you were kinda, little tiny bit right about me not being close enough with Harry.  He wouldn’t even sit in my lap today.” Zayn mumbled.

Liam spit his toothpaste in the sink and rinsed his mouth quickly before standing up to answer his husband.

“Babe, he’s two.  He’s fussy.  Sometimes he wants to sit with me, sometimes he wants to sit by himself, or with Louis, or with his Power Ranger dolls.  Don’t take it too personally, yeah?” Liam walked past him into their bedroom, patting his bum as he walked by, “I’m glad you came around to my way of thinking, though.  About time everyone acknowledged I’m always right.”

Zayn chuckled and followed Liam into their room and flopped on the bed, “Today was fun. I’m glad we went.  See, your job isn’t so hard.  Just push them on a swing and tell them a fart joke and you’re golden.”

Liam just forced a small laugh in return and climbed under the covers, “Next time we’ll have to take Loki.  He loves the park.  But last time he peed on a Chihuahua so he’s grounded from the park for now.”

Zayn laughed loudly and shut off the light, “well, maybe the next time we go his punishment will be over.”

Liam was right.  He was important.  Zayn loved him. 

But as Liam laid in bed trying to fall asleep, he tried to remember the last time Zayn actually _told_ him he loved him.  He was still trying to think when it could have been when he drifted off to sleep a half hour later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm so sorry it took me so long to update! I've been working like all the time, my baby sister graduated, and I wasn't feeling particularly inspired and ended up rewriting this 3 times, and I still don't like how it turned out. Sorry for the shitty update, the next one will be better!  
> I also want to, of course, thank you all for reading! Every single kudos and comment makes my day, you don't even know. You're all my precious little beans and I love you all *kisses for my bitches*   
> ALSO! If you like Niam and want to read fun little 10k oneshot about fireman Liam, check out my works and read a lil piece called "Down in Flames" plz n thnk


	5. Louis

Liam had never been Louis’ favorite and that was fine.  Honestly.  From the day they met the boy, it was clear he preferred Zayn.  It had been that way for ten years and Liam was long used to it.  After all, it was Zayn who had first spotted the boy in the overcrowded play room of the boys’ home that they visited, and Zayn who sat down and played with Louis and his toy dinosaurs for over an hour.  They bonded, and that was that. 

Liam and Zayn were almost a year into the adoption process and had been married for over two when they first met Louis.  He was only four years old and had been in the system for over a year.  He had been the only child of a single mother who had passed away of a heroin overdose, leaving him behind with less than nothing.  The couple had gone to several agencies and homes to meet with children (they knew they wanted a boy first) but hadn’t been able to find one who seemed to fit into their lives. 

At the West Cross Boy’s Home in Manchester, Liam and Zayn had split up in the room full of young boys to try and get to know some of them, and see if they could find their _destined baby_ as Liam called it.

Liam had wandered around for a while and talked to a group of three boys who all looked to be around 6 or 7 who were playing with monster trucks, but they all seemed much too connected to each other that Liam didn’t bother.  He wouldn’t split up kids who needed each other.

After a few minutes he looked around to find Zayn, and spotted him sitting cross legged on the carpet, toy dinosaurs in hand, and he looked to be having a tiny battle with a very small sandy haired boy who had his back to Liam.  The younger man waved to get his husband’s attention, who looked up and gave Liam a big smile and a thumbs up. 

After another 20 minutes or so, Liam joined Zayn with the small boy and their dinosaurs.  Zayn introduced him as “ _Louis who is four but almost five_ ” and said Louis loved chocolate and dinosaurs and soft blankets and playing football.  Louis had looked up and given Liam a cute, shy smile, and asked if Liam wanted to play too.  So they played and played until Liam and Zayn had to go home and the boys had to heard into the kitchen for dinner.

As soon as they got in the car, the couple had hugged each other tightly and Zayn wiped away a few happy tears, because they both knew they’d found their _destined baby._  

After talking with the agency and the home Louis was placed in, they learned he was a bit of a trouble maker and sometimes had trouble listening and paying attention to the rules, and had quite a temper on him.  But he seemed perfect for them.  Children above the age of five were so much less likely to be adopted, and Louis was quickly approaching that number.  Even though the couple had hoped for a younger child, neither really mentioned it as they filled out paper work, went shopping and painted and decorated Louis’ soon-to-be bedroom (blue; the color he had asked for when he found out he was really going to be adopted), and visited the home every day for two months until everything was finalized and Louis got to finally come home. 

It was an emotional day for all of them.

Liam and Zayn had finally gotten to start the family they’d always wanted, and Louis finally had a warm, happy home with two parents who already loved him more than anything in the world.  That night they’d ordered pizza and let Louis pick out a movie from the store so they could all curl up and watch it together in the living room.  Liam would always have a soft spot for _Scooby-Doo and The Boo Brothers_ because of that night.  The smile on Liam’s face and the warmth he felt throughout his body is something he’ll always remember from their first night as a family.  

Louis had settled in so quickly and easily, both men were pleasantly surprised.  He was comfortable asking for things and treating the house as a home as soon as he moved in.  They took him shopping for clothes and toys and books and everything else he wanted but never had, and they were happy. 

However, amongst all the happiness, Liam couldn’t help but be a little disappointed that Zayn was obviously their son’s favorite.  Every time Zayn left for work, Louis would cling to him and beg him to stay a little while longer and give him just one more hug goodbye.  Around lunchtime he would start asking when Baba would be home, and if he could call Baba at work to see how his day was going.  When they started Kindergarten orientation, Louis actually told Liam only Baba needed to come, and Daddy could stay home if he wanted to (They both went anyway).  Louis preferred Zayn at bath time and bedtime and story time and always wanted to sit on Zayn’s lap when they watch TV.  He only ever asked Zayn to come into the backyard and play footie with him, even though Zayn couldn’t kick a ball properly to save his life. 

Not that he didn’t also love his daddy, of course.  He just favored Zayn when he was home.  But the two were quite similar in many ways and it made sense.  Plus Zayn wasn’t home as often so it was a treat to be able to play with Baba, when Liam could play with him all day any time he wanted.  But it hurt Liam every time he was rejected for movie time cuddles because Louis only wanted Zayn, or Liam tried to play the “army man game” Louis made up, only to be told it was “ _only his and Baba’s thing_ ”. 

Whenever Liam would express such feelings to Zayn, he always got the same “he’s just a kid it’s not a big deal, he loves us both equally” speech Liam knew was bullshit.  He just hoped their next kid would like him (So when Niall came into their lives 5 years later and preferred Liam, it made him feel a bit better).

So now, after Louis had been their baby boy for almost ten years and was in his grouchy, hormonal teenage phase, his attitude was worse and his anger always seemed to be directed at Liam.  Being the only parent consistently in the house, and therefore the only authority figure, Liam was the enemy to Louis’ teenage angst and rebellion.  He tried not to take it to heart, but Liam was never good at not taking things personally.  Zayn wasn’t home often enough to have to argue with Louis like Liam did, so Louis preferred Zayn more and more with each passing day.  Zayn wasn’t around to fight with, but Liam was.  And so they fought, and Louis got madder and madder at Liam.

But not Zayn.  Only Liam.

Of the million reasons Liam wished Zayn was home with them more, and spent more time and attention on his family, Louis was one of them.  He was old enough now that most of his childhood had been spent with Zayn home every day at a reasonable time after work, and that they spent weekends and holidays together doing things as a family.  For Niall, and especially Harry, that was not so much the case.  But for Liam, having Zayn around to help curve Louis’ attitudes with his equally stubborn bull-headedness and his commanding tone Liam had yet to master.  Zayn was a much better disciplinarian than Liam was, and Louis needed discipline much more often than Liam was willing to admit. 

Liam loved his son, but his son kind of hated him.  That wasn’t really okay with Liam.

~*~

The rest of the week went normally for the Malik family.  Liam was assigned a few new manuscripts to edit and Zayn stayed at work past 9 o’clock three times.  Louis locked himself away in his room and got detention for not doing his homework.  Niall and Harry were their normal, goofy selves, and Niall’s excitement was growing over the end of the school year that was quickly approaching. 

And every day, Liam was so _so_ tired.

For the past year or so, he had been going through cycles of sleeping constantly or not sleeping at all, each side of the cycle lasting approximately a week.  This week, it seemed, he couldn’t sleep for the life of him. So by Friday morning, he was dead exhausted.  Niall had crawled into bed with Liam and Zayn the night before, so Liam had his knee in his ribs all night, which only added to his sleeplessness. 

He dragged himself into the boys’ rooms to get them up, and barely got their breakfast on the table in enough time to keep them on their regular morning routine.  Zayn had left even earlier than usual, before he had the chance to give anyone a goodbye kiss and Niall wasn’t having it.  Apparently, today was a clingy day for him. 

He got out of his chair and squeezed himself onto Liam’s lap, abandoning his half eaten bowl of cereal, and laid his head against Liam’s shoulder.

“Daddy, where’s Baba?  He didn’t say bye.” He mumbled and yawned.

Liam hummed and wrapped an arm around his son’s small body, “he had to go to work early, bud.  But he’ll give you a kiss when he gets home,” Liam murmured.

“Da… daddy can I stay home today?  I’m too sleepy for school.”

“Maybe if you stayed in your own bed at night you’d sleep a little better.”

“No, see, because I couldn’t sleep in my bed.  It wasn’t comfy and I was lonely.  But I slept better with you and Baba in your bed so I’m sleepy from when I wasn’t asleep in _my_ bed. Because I couldn’t sleep there.”

Liam chuckled, “Well, that may be, but you have to go to school, bug.  But you can take a nap when you get home.”

“No I can’t it’s Friday!  We have to do fun things!  I can stay home and take a nap with Harry when he takes a nap.  We can sleep in your bed so that I can sleep good again.” Niall insisted.

Harry looked up from his banana slices at the mention of his name and squealed, “Ni!”

“Hi Harry!” Niall waved sleepily across the table with his face still half hidden in Liam’s shirt.

“Sorry, babe.  Gotta go to school. And we need to go get you dressed.” Liam stood up and Niall clung to him to be carried back upstairs.  Before he could leave the kitchen, however, Louis finally came in dressed and ready for breakfast.

“Hey, Dad,” He began, “Me and Stan and a few people are thinking of going to the movies tonight right after school.  So can I have like, ten bucks?”

“Who’s going?” Liam questioned, repositioning Niall on his hip.

“Just me, Stan, and a few other people.”

“What other people?”

“Oh my god does it matter?” Louis groaned and jerked open the refrigerator door.                     

“Yes, it matters, I need to know who you’re spending time with.  And how are you getting there?”

“I don’t know, I’ll ride my bike!”

“You won’t have your bike with you at school, and it’s too late now for you to ride it there this morning.”

“Okay, so I’ll walk.”

“That’s a long walk by yourself, bud.  How is Stan getting there?”

“Oh my god I don’t _know!_ Does it _matter_?”

Harry whined in his seat and waved at Louis, who ignored him.

“Again, yes it does.  I just want to make sure if you’re walking you won’t be walking that far on your own.  Or if Stan is getting a ride, you could get a ride with him.  Or if you _need_ a ride, I could drop you guys off.  I’m trying to make sure you get there and back safely, Louis.  I’m your father.”

“Well I don’t fucking know, we didn’t plan it out that far!  I’ll talk to them at school about it!”

“Louis William your watch your mouth!” Liam snapped, “I won’t have that language in my house, especially around your brothers.  No movies tonight.  I’ll pick you up after school and you’re coming home like usual.”

“ _What?_ ” Louis raged and slammed the refrigerator door, “That’s not _fair!_ ”

“I don’t care what you think is fair.  You use that language, you’re not going to the movies.”

“Oh my god why?”

“You know why.  Now hurry up and eat.  Keep an eye on Harry until I can come back down for him.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll do that.  Let me just do _you_ a favor while _I’m_ not allowed to do anything fun around here.”

Liam ignored his comment and carried Niall upstairs and tried to set him down, but the blond boy wouldn’t let go.  He whined and tightened his arms around Liam’s neck and whined a soft _daddy no_ into his shirt.  So, Liam held the boy with one arm and dug through his drawers with the other until he pulled out a decent enough outfit and set it on the bed. 

“Alright, babe, now you have to let go so you can get dressed.”

“Nooo, don’t want to.” Niall whined.

“I know but you have to,” Liam tugged the small boy’s arms off of him and set him on his feet gently, “Alright I’m gonna go get your brother dressed and then I’ll be back.  Hurry up, thought, we need to leave soon.”

The rest of the morning went about as well as planned.  Harry got so much food on his face and in his hair, Liam spent the rest of the time they had just getting him clean and didn’t have time to get him dressed.  But that was fine, he wasn’t going in public.  He was coming right back home with Liam once the older two were dropped off.  Louis pouted as they family got in the car, and ignored Liam’s call to have a good day when he was dropped off, and instead just slammed the door and sulked into the large gray building.  Niall tried once more to get Liam to take him back home before he gave up and let Liam hold his hand on the way into his own school building. 

He had planned to do some grocery shopping before heading back to the house, but he was too tired and Harry was still in his pajamas, so he decided the food shopping could wait for another day.

When Liam got back home, he thought maybe he could try to nap, but knew it would be useless with how horribly he’d been sleeping lately.  So he set Harry up in the playroom with his blocks, and curled up on the old sofa in there to read over some of the manuscripts he was assigned.

~*~

Later that afternoon, after Liam had picked up Niall from the primary school and he was chatting away happily in the backseat, they parked in their usual spot outside the high school to wait for Louis to come out.  They usually arrived about 5 minutes before classes finished, so they’d wait for about ten before Louis actually showed up. 

However, 15 minutes had gone by and Louis yet to come outside.  _No big deal,_ Liam thought, _probably talking to a teacher or his friends._

But then it was 20 minutes.

And then 25.

“Daddy, why are we still waiting?  Why is he taking so _long?_ ” Niall whined, “That boy gets on my nerves,” he tisked. 

Liam laughed and looked at his son through the rearview mirror. 

“I don’t know, bud.  I’ll call him and see.” So Liam took out his phone and called Louis.  It rang once, then went to voicemail.  Angry, Liam dialed again, with the same result. 

_Are you fucking kidding me?_

Liam blew out an angry breath and climbed out of the SUV and opened the back door to unbuckle Harry from his seat.  “Come on, Nialler, we’re gonna go inside and see where he’s at, so undo your buckles.”

He carried Harry on his hip and held Niall’s hand up the steps and into the building.  Teenagers were still slowly filing out around them, and the blond pressed himself into Liam’s legs nervously. 

“It’s alright bud, we’re going right in here,” Liam said and led them into the main office.  He then addressed the older woman behind the desk, “Hello, I’ve been waiting outside for my son and he hasn’t come out yet and won’t answer his phone.  I was wondering if you could page him, please?”

The woman smiled and asked for his name, and a moment later “Louis Malik, please come to the main office” was being announced over the loud speaker. 

Liam waited a solid ten minutes before he really let himself get angry.  He thanked the woman behind the desk and buckled the two younger boys back into their car seats and tried to call Louis one more time.  Straight to voicemail after one ring.  Which meant he was literally avoiding his father’s calls.

Liam was going to _kill_ him.

Both boys were quiet in the car ride home, during which Liam had to remind himself several time to slow the fuck down because he had children in the car, and neither a crash nor a ticket was going to help the situation.

When Liam pulled into the driveway and shut the car off, he took a moment to rub his temples and take a deep breath.

“Niall, when we get inside, I want you to take Harry into the play room until I come get you okay?” He said as he climbed out of the car and began to unbuckle the smallest Malik.

“Why Daddy?  Are you okay?  Where’s Louis?”

“I’m fine, babe.  I think Louis went to go play with his friends so I need to call Baba alright?  But I need you to entertain Harry for me, can you do that?”

“Yes, Daddy, he likes to play with me.” Niall smiled, proud of himself that he could help his daddy.

Liam thanked him and got them both inside, sent them off to the playroom, and climbed the stairs to his room.  The anger had been boiling inside of him from the moment he realized what was going on, and covering it for the sake of the smaller boys made it grow stronger. 

He growled and kicked the nightstand, knocking over the lamp and leaving it to shatter on the floor.   _Oops_. He sat on the edge of the bed and dropped his head into his hands and pulled at his hair.

What the fuck was Louis doing?  How dare he so blatantly and deliberately defy his father’s instructions and wishes?  Why was he so fucking _selfish?_  

Liam couldn’t deal with this right now.  He was exhausted and defeated and he just needed someone else to take over. He pulled out his phone and called Zayn’s office. It rang twice before a young woman’s voice answered with a cheery, “Zayn Malik’s office, how can I help you?”

“Hi, Brit, it’s Liam.  Is Zayn in right now?” Liam honestly loved Zayn’s secretary.  She was a sweetheart.

“Oh hi, Liam!  Yep, he just got back from a meeting.  Want me to connect you?”

“That’d be great.”

A moment later and Zayn’s voice finally answered, “Liam?”

“Zayn, hey babe.  I just really need some help right now.” Liam could feel the tears pricking at the back of his eyes and his throat tightening.

“Oh, are you alright?  Are the boys okay?  What’s going on?”

“I just… fuck I’m sorry,” Liam took a deep breath to right himself before continuing, “Louis and I got in an argument this morning because he wanted to go to the movies with his friends after school, but then ended up swearing in the middle of breakfast so I said no.  So when I got to school to pick him up, he was gone and was rejecting all my phone calls.  I don’t fucking know where he is, Zayn, and I’m pretty sure he’s at the movies but he could be anywhere and he’s being a right prick, if I’m honest, and I just can’t really deal with it right now.”  The last few sentences were jumbled and tearful but he was proud of himself for getting them out regardless.

“Shh, hey, babe, it’s alright,” Zayn said softly, “Look, I don’t really have anything else that absolutely needs to get done today, so I’ll come home, okay?  It’s gonna be fine.  We’ll track him down and give him hell, yeah?”

Liam smiled softly and wiped his eyes, “Yeah, that’d be good.”

“Alright then, I’ll see you guys in a few.  Love you.”

Liam smiled even bigger, “love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the frigid wind of teenage rebellion. Also, Louis' adoption story! Yay for crack baby Louis! At least I got this chapter done a lot faster, right?   
> Anyway, as always, hope you enjoyed it! Tell your friends! Tell your coworkers! Tell your mailman! Also, in the meantime don't be afraid to hit up my niam one shot Down in Flames, coming soon to a theater near you.  
> You're all perfect and your comments keep me going, you cute little buttons.


	6. Chapter 6

It was only about 20 minutes before Zayn got home.  Liam had gone down to check on the boys and make sure they were getting on alright, and then headed back upstairs to lie on the bed for a few minutes.  He needed to calm down before they found Louis.  Anger and frustration wasn’t going to help this situation.  He knew he needed a clear head for this or it would only get worse.  Yelling at Louis never helped, because he would just get mad and yell right back and things would escalate.  So yeah.  He needed to chill out.

When he heard Zayn’s car pull into the driveway and door slam, he got back up and headed back downstairs to meet him.  Zayn was toeing off his shoes when Liam got to the base of the stairs, and looked up to smile softly at his husband.  Liam smiled back, but he could already feel the confidence he built up crumbling slightly. 

“C’mere, babe.” Zayn sighed and opened his arms for a hug, which Liam nearly flew into.  Zayn squeezed him tight while Liam buried his face into the man’s shoulder and sighed heavily.  “Listen, we’ll call Stan’s mum and see where he is.  Wherever Stan is, that’s probably where we’ll find Louis, yeah?  I’d bet they’re at the cinema but we’ll call and make sure, okay?”

Liam nodded and stepped back when Zayn let go of him.  Why hadn’t he thought to call Mrs. Lucas?

“Where are the little guys?” Zayn asked as he headed into the kitchen.  Liam followed.

“In the play room.  Niall’s taking his big brother duties very seriously and keeping Harry distracted for a bit.”  Liam said while Zayn leaned against the counter and plucked an apple out of the fruit bowl.

“That’s good.”  He took a bite and pulled out his cell phone.  “Alright, I’ll call Stan’s mum if you want to go check on them.”

Liam nodded and headed back out of the kitchen and to the playroom.  He had just checked on the boys about 5 minutes prior, but it wouldn’t hurt to check again.  Niall could make a mess _very_ fast.  They were still sitting behind Niall’s play castle with little knights set up around them.  Niall was murmuring something to Harry and helping him set up his own line of knights and horses across from Niall’s. 

Liam smiled and quietly watched for another minute before he backed away and headed back to the kitchen, not wanting to interrupt their game.  Zayn was sitting at the kitchen table still eating his apple.

“Well,” he said when he saw Liam, “She said they were at the cinema and that he’d told her the movie started about half an hour ago.  So in an hour or so he should be coming out.  I’ll drive down there and wait outside for him, yeah?”

Liam nodded, “thank you.”

Zayn smiled, “Ya know, I think I might have to really severely embarrass him in front of his friends for putting his dad into such a fit.”

“I was not having a _fit_ ,” Liam giggled and leaned against the counter, “I was just ready to scoop him up and lock him in his room forever.  Nothing, really.”

Zayn laughed and stood up, depositing his apple core into the garbage bin.

“Oh no, no big deal at all,” he laughed, “but seriously.  As you’re always so glad to point out, you deal with them more often than I do and stuff, so what’s our move here?  Do we ground him?  Take away his cell phone?  The Xbox?”

Liam ignored his mild annoyance at the comment and replied, “I don’t know.  Taking away anything is going to make him hate us and lock himself in his room even more.  I think just taking away any friend privileges for a month or so will work better, because it’s kind of the reason he’s in trouble in the first place.”

“I don’t know if that’s severe enough, Liam.  Like, he intentionally did something you specifically told him not to do.”

“Yeah, but if we take away his phone or Xbox, he’ll be constantly angry over it.  All he does is text and play Xbox when he’s home, so he would probably just leave the house more or something.  He violated his privileges to hang out with his friends, so that’s what we take away.  Especially with the weather getting warmer, I think it’ll work well.  But we could limit Xbox time to after dinner only, and after he’s finished his homework.  Maybe he’ll read or something.”

Zayn shrugged, “Alright, that’s a good point.  Cool.  Now that that’s settled, I’ve still got a bit before I need to leave.  What are the little guys playing?”

“Last I saw they were playing with the castle and knights.  Wanna play?”

Zayn smiled, “yes, please.”

~*~

Zayn had left about a half an hour later. Niall and Harry were _ecstatic_ that Baba was home so early and wanted to play with them.  They spent the half hour with Harry and Liam on one side, and Zayn and Niall on the other.  The two teams tossed little plastic boulders at the enemy’s lines and galloped their horses into battle.  But, all too soon, 30 minutes were up and Zayn had to leave.  Niall pouted and clung to his pants leg when he stood up, but Zayn laughed and bent back down to give the blond one more hug goodbye. 

After he was gone, Liam decided to take the boys out to the backyard to let them run around.  The weather was steadily getting warmer and Niall’s energy was hard to contain inside. Plus, Loki was always more than willing to run around and kill some of that energy with Niall, until they were both exhausted and ready to bed. 

Niall was running around the yard kicking a football, while Harry sat on the ground next to Liam and pulled up handful after handful of grass.  Liam wanted to be able to enjoy the nice evening with his littlest boys, but the stress and anxiety of Louis’ absence was lurking at the back of his mind every minute.  He checked his phone every few seconds to see if Zayn had called or texted to give him an update of the situation, but there had been nothing for almost 20 minutes. 

“Daddy!” Niall called from across the yard, “come play footie with me!”

“I’m watching your brother, babe.”

“He can play too!”

Liam chuckled and looked down at the toddler, who threw a tiny fistful of grass onto the ground a few feet in front of him. 

“What do you say, kiddo, wanna go play with Niall?” he asked.

Harry looked up at him and smiled, “Yes, play N’all!”

“Yeah, bud let’s go play with him,”  Liam stood up and lead Harry over to where his big brother was waiting with the football at his feet.

“We can teach him to kick, Daddy,” Niall suggested and picked up the ball.

“Well, we can try.  He has little legs, remember.”

“I know but he can kick it a little, probably.  Come here, Harry!” Niall smiled and held his hand out for Harry, who toddler over to his brother and took his hand. “Today you’re going to learn how to play football because it’s very important for little boys to play football, okay?”

Liam laughed.  Niall was really feeling the big brother job that day.  He stood by and watched for a few minutes as Niall demonstrated how to properly kick the ball, and then helped Harry do it himself. Loki paced around the pair, sniffing occasionally at their clothes, as if supervising to make sure Harry was learning properly.   Liam was so caught up in watching his boys be _adorable_ , he jumped a little in surprise when his phone started to vibrate in his pocket.  Quickly, he pulled it out and answered with a short _hello?_

“Hey, so I found him,” Zayn’s voice replied, and Liam sighed in relief, “He’s pretty mad though.  I thought maybe I’d embarrass him a little, and I guess a girl he likes was there so now he’s pissed.  He’s in the car, though.  Won’t even look at me, will ya, Lou?” a pause, “Nope, didn’t think so.”

“Oh god, what’d you say, Zayn?” Liam asked in amusement.

“Just that he made his dad cry, and he should be ashamed.”

“What?  Now they’re going to think I’m lame, instead of the cool hip dad that I am. And I did not cry, liar.”

Zayn laughed, “I know, but if you want to be hip, you can’t use the word _hip_.”

“Okay, okay, maybe you’re right.” Liam smiled, “But get him home, yeah?  I’m starting dinner soon.”

“Yeah, we’ll be there in about fifteen.”

~*~

Liam had just set the chicken in the oven when he heard the car pull into the driveway, and a door slam less than a second later.  He sighed and looked down at Harry, who was playing with Power Rangers on the kitchen floor a few feet away, and decided maybe that wasn’t the best place for him for the moment.  He scooped him up, earning and excited shriek, and carried him into the playroom where Niall was watching cartoons. 

“Hey bud, Harry’s gonna watch with you okay?” He set the toddler on the couch.

“Okay, Daddy, but if he makes a lot of noise you have to take him away.  This is very important.”

Liam shook his head and chuckled, walking out of the room.  As soon as he made it to the living room, he saw Louis running up the stairs.

“Louis!” he called, “Stop right there and come back down here.  You _know_ you’re not getting out of this one.”

Louis groaned and stomped back down the stairs as Zayn came inside and shut the door behind him.  The teenager crossed his arms and fixed both his fathers with a hard stare.  The three of them stood in the foyer for a few beats of silence before Louis spoke.

“Do whatever you want but I’m not sorry I went.”

“I don’t expect you to be, but you’re going to be sorry when you can’t see any of your friends, other than at school, for a month.” Liam countered.

“Fine, whatever.  I knew that’s what you would say so I don’t care.”

“Two months,” Zayn said easily.

“What?  Why I didn’t even do anything just now!”

“Your attitude was asking for it.  Anything else?” Zayn asked, crossing his own arms as well.

“Just that maybe if you actually let me do things for once in my life, I wouldn’t have to sneak around behind your back?  So maybe think about that.”

Liam rolled his eyes.  What a _teenager_. 

“Alright, but as long as you, for the next two months, think about how you treat us as your family.  We’re your parents and we deserve respect, Louis.  Respect for our authority and rules, yeah?” he said, “We respect you as your own person, and your ability to make decisions for yourself.  But you’re still a kid, and have to follow the rules or you lose privileges we give you.  That’s how it works, kid.”

“Whatever, I can't wait to be out of this house.” The teenager grumbled, “Stan’s parents let him go and let him do whatever he wants and I have so many rules, I can’t do _anything!_   I’m not Niall or Harry and I’m not five years old!  You treat me like a baby!”  Louis’ voice rose.

Liam glanced over at Zayn, who seemed to have fallen completely silent.  He stared straight ahead at Louis with his mouth set in a firm line.  Liam had hoped he would jump in a help him out a bit more with the whole ‘ _I’m your parent and I love you but you’re in trouble’_ approach. 

“We don’t treat you like a baby.  I was ready to give you money for the movie tonight but you lost that privilege when you swore in front of your brothers.  You did it to yourself.” Liam responded.

“Sure, whatever excuse you can come up with.  Any reason to make my life fucking suck!”

“Well, there you go again with the mouth,” Liam sighed in frustration.  He tried not to lose his cool.  He needed to switch tactics. “Give me your phone.”

“ _What?”_ Louis cried.

“Phone. Now. You lost it.”

“No!  It’s mine you can’t take it!” He gaped.

“We pay for it, and it’s ours now.  You can have it back when you’ve lost the attitude.”

Angry tears welled in the teenager’s eyes as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and threw it in Liam’s direction.  Liam flinched and dodged the toss.

“Fine!  Fuck you!” he screamed before bolting up the stairs and slamming his door a moment later. 

Liam sighed in the sudden silence, and bent to pick up the phone.

“Well, I guess we take the Xbox too, then.” Zayn mumbled and rubbed his temples.

Liam nodded.

“I’ll go get it and put it in our closet or something.  And make sure the little guys didn’t hear too much of that,” he responded.

As Liam was heading into the play room, he heard Zayn mumble, “This is what happens when you baby them.”

He stopped and turned back around.  “Well, I didn’t really see you stepping in and helping me out much, thanks.”

Zayn shook his head and turned to go upstairs.

 _Well, fuck him, then_ , Liam thought. 

~*~

Louis didn’t come out of his room all night, and Liam was fine with that.  He didn’t need to deal with attitude and snide comments that he always had plenty of when he was angry.  Especially when Liam was trying to get his other boys fed, and later ready for bed. 

However, over the course of evening, Liam noticed several interesting text messages sent to Louis’ phone from a contact called _El._

**_El  6:02_ **

_I had a really great time tonight!  I’m glad you got to come, hope you’re not in too much trouble xx_

**_El  6:37_ **

_Well, either you’re in a lot of trouble and you’re dead, or you’re busy._

**_El  6:44_ **

_Or asleep_

**_El  6:58_ **

_OR they took your phone!  If so, HI LOUIS’ DAD!_

Liam had laughed out loud at the last one, and thought about showing Zayn, but he didn’t really feel like talking to him.  And the other man seemed to feel the same, if the way he had holed himself up in his office all evening said anything.

Liam thought this El girl must be the Mystery Girl who Louis had been spending so much time with.  If so, she seemed nice enough over text, though she was part of the problem of Louis going behind their backs.

He decided not to worry too much about it until Louis had cooled off enough he could ask him about it. 

Just after he had gotten the two youngest boys in bed for the night, Louis’ phone buzzed one more time.

_8:39_

_Well, goodnight, Louis (or Louis’ dad).  See you Monday xxx_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW I'm sorry this took so long. I was busy all week (5SOS concert at Darien Lake WOO!) and had to write little bits at a time. Also, sorry it's not that great, I did my best. But now that I don't have anything really going on I'll be posting a lot faster, pinky swear.  
> PS, after this chapter shit gets more real with Liam


	7. Chapter 7

While the beginning of the weekend didn’t go so well for the Maliks, the rest of it went about as well as Liam could have expected after the rough start.

On Saturday morning, Liam woke up a little after 8 o’clock with Niall’s elbow in his face.  He vaguely remembered feeling him crawl into their bed in the middle of the night at some point, and if the way he was tossing and turning was anything to go buy, he wasn’t having a very restful sleep. 

Liam sat up and stretched, and noticed the heat coming off the smaller boy.  Great.  He gently pushed back his blond hair and laid his hand over his small forehead.  He definitely had a fever.  Niall was generally a pretty warm sleeper but he was burning up, and Liam knew it wasn’t normal.  That explained his complaints of being so tired the day before, and how he hadn’t finished his dinner.

Later, once Niall had woken up, he immediately latched himself onto Liam and refused to let go.  He clung to his father while Liam made breakfast, while he cleaned up, and while he got Harry dressed.  Liam was fine with it – he never wanted to let go of his babies when they were sick either.  But he also didn’t want Harry to get sick as well, and with Louis still locked in his room and Zayn working in his office, Liam was the only one keep an eye on both of them.

Niall temperature had been taken, reading a solid 100.4 degrees.  He was complaining of headache and sore throat, which Liam was counting as a blessing.  As long as there was no stomach ache or nausea – which Niall hated more than _anything_ – they’d be alright.  Probably.

He had spent a good part of the morning with Niall curled against his chest on the couch in the play room with cartoons playing on the TV for him, while Harry played with his toys on the floor.  Liam held Niall and pushed back his sweaty hair from his forehead, rubbing a soothing hand up and down the boy’s small back.  Niall whined and fisted a hand in Liam’s shirt.

“Daddy,” he mumbled into the fabric covering Liam’s chest, “don’t feel good.”

“I know, Bug,” Liam hummed, “it’ll be alright.  Just try to sleep, yeah?  You’ll feel better if you sleep,” he kissed his son’s head.

“I’m trying, Daddy!” he whined, and Liam could hear the tears in his voice before he felt the wetness on his shirt, “I can’t because I’m all hot but I’m cold and I feel gross!”

“That’s the fever, sweetheart.  In a while you can take some more medicine, and I’ll make you some soup, okay?  That might help you feel a bit better.”

“Wanna feel better now, Daddy, please,” he sobbed and Liam’s heart broke.  He hated when his babies were ill.  All he wanted to do was take away their pain and he’d do anything to fix it for them, but he was helpless.  His baby was miserable and there was nothing he could do, and it killed him.  All he could do was give him medicine and cuddles and hope for the best.

“I know, I know, babe.  I have to run to the store in a bit to get you some more medicine and I’ll pick up some popsicles for your throat, yeah?  Would you like that?” 

Niall nodded against his chest and mumbled a _yes please_. 

That proved easier said than done when, an hour later, Niall refused to let Liam leave to go to the store.  He attached himself to Liam and cried whenever Liam tried to put him down, which only made Liam feel worse.  He tried to reason with Niall by telling him he couldn’t go to the store with him while he was sick, which Niall wasn’t having.  After a few minutes of trying to detach the seven year old from him, Liam gave up and carried him to Zayn’s office, where the man was sat at his desk, typing something on his laptop.

“Zayn, babe, I need to run to the store and-“

“Sh!” Zayn cut him off with an angry flip of his hand.

“Um… excuse me?” Liam held Niall tighter.

“Can you just _give me a minute?_   This is kind of important.” Zayn said impatiently.

“Your son is _sick_ and _that’s_ kind of important too, Zayn.”

Zayn looked up at the two, the irritation in his features making Liam fume.

“I know he’s sick, but I need to get this done before dinner.”

“I’m not trying to _stop_ you, Zayn.  I just need to let you know I’m leaving and he’s going to want some love.  And that Harry is in the playroom by himself, which means you need to either bring him in here with you or go in there with him.  Or something.  But you need to be a dad for like, 20 minutes so I can get some thigs for dinner.”

Zayn rolled his eyes and scooted his desk chair back, reaching for Niall, mumbling, “whatever, Liam.”

The younger man tried to ignore the comment and the anger boiling inside him at Zayn’s nasty behavior toward him and their son.  He couldn’t believe that Zayn would act this way toward their sick child. Instead, he took a breath and tried to lift Niall off his hip and set him on Zayn’s lap, but again, the boy refused to let go.

“Niall, honey, come on.  You’ve got to let go so I can go get your popsicles, right?”

“No, I don’t need popsicles.  Please stay, Daddy,” he whined and wrapped his arms tighter around Liam’s neck.

“Well, I need to go to the store regardless.  So why don’t you sit with Baba for a little while and then when I get back you can latch right back onto me like the little spider monkey you are, hmm?”

Niall sighed and nodded against Liam’s shoulder.  Liam gently transferred the sick boy over to Zayn, who set him on his lap.  The blond immediately curled himself into Zayn and sadly waved goodbye to his daddy after he kissed his head in farewell.

On the way to the store, Liam’s mind was racing over the way Zayn had been acting, not only toward Liam himself, but to the rest of their family.  The disinterest and lack of care he showed for his husband and children broke Liam’s heart and made him furious at the same time.  This wasn’t the man he married.  The Zayn he married loved Liam and was excited to have a family with him.  This Zayn didn’t seem to care about much of anything.  He didn’t care that Liam was constantly exhausted and that Louis treated him like shit.  He didn’t care that Liam felt alone and isolated and sad every day.  He just didn’t care about Liam at all.

And that killed him.

As the thoughts tumbled over each other through the channels in Liam’s mind, his stomach turned and he could feel the tears pricking at the back of his eyes.  _I can’t do this anymore,_ he thought to himself, _I can’t deal with all of this shit anymore._

He pulled the car into a parking space haphazardly just in time for the full breakdown to hit.  He choked out a cry as he slammed the car into park and dropped his head down onto the wheel, letting his body wrack with sobs and his hands squeeze into fists.  He cried onto the steering wheel in the middle of the Tesco parking lot for so long he lost track of time.

He cried because his marriage was shit.

He cried because his son hated him, and he didn’t think he would ever stop.

He cried because he was always fucking exhausted, with no end in sight and he didn’t know what was wrong with him. 

He cried because he had always had dreams of a happy picket fence family with Zayn and beautiful children.  And now he had that and it was nothing like he’d ever hoped for.

He cried because Zayn had promised him he would never let him feel so worthless and lonely again, yet here he was.

He cried because he was _stuck_ in this shit show that was his life.

And he cried because he was tired of feeling thing way, but it was never going to end.  And it was all coming down on him _hard_ in what he realized was the first time he had had completely alone in _weeks_ , without a toddler to tend to, or a seven year old latched onto his back. 

By the time Liam had calmed himself enough to check the time on his phone, he cursed under his breath at how long he had been sitting there.  It had been over half an hour of waves of sobbing overtaking him and draining him of the little energy he had left. As much as he wanted to just stay in the car, maybe take a nap, he still had shopping to do before he went home.  If he turned up at the house empty handed, Niall would be upset and Zayn would be suspicious. 

He took a few more minutes to recline the seat of the car a bit and take a few deep breathes to right his breathing before he tried to go in the store for the few things he still needed to grab.  He knew his eyes would be red and puffy, but there wasn’t much he could do about that.  So he took one last deep breath before he got out of the car.  As soon as he stood, however, he wanted to break down crying again at how badly he didn’t want to go inside.  He didn’t want to go in the store, he didn’t want to go home, he just wanted to sleep.

He was in and out of the store in about ten minutes.  He kept his head down as much as possible to avoid anyone seeing his red, blotchy face.  He got the things he needed for dinner, as well as more medicine, popsicles, and Sprite for Niall.  While in the medicine aisle, however, Liam stopped at an end display for a sale on sleep aid pills.

He froze.

He knew he shouldn’t.  He knew Zayn would be furious.  He knew he had promised he would never get them again, but he was better now.  Now was different.  Now he just wanted to be able to sleep at night so maybe he wouldn’t always be so tired. And besides they were on sale, so a bottle couldn’t hurt, right?

Maybe two bottles.  They were on sale.

Liam quickly tossed two bottle into his cart and walked away before he could talk himself out of it.  It would be fine.  He just needed sleep.

~*~

By the time he got home, he had been gone nearly an hour and Zayn was clearly unhappy. 

“I thought you said 20 minutes, Liam, what the hell?”  Was his greeting when he stepped back into Zayn’s office to check on his little patient.

“Language, please, Zayn,” He mumbled and he felt Niall’s forehead, who was still curled up on the older man’s lap.  He ignored the sharp pain in his chest, “it took longer than I expected.  Where’s Harry, did he get his nap?”

“Alright, well, Harry’s upstairs with Louis.  I couldn’t get any work done in the playroom and I thought maybe it would be better to keep him away from Niall anyway.”

“That’s a good idea, but maybe you could have played with him a little?” Liam offered, “You’re at work all week long, what could you possibly be doing now?”

“I had to leave early remember?  And Brit lost a few of the proposals I had finished, so I had to resend them, and then Hamilton wanted them tweaked a bit before we go in on Monday so here I am.”

“Oh.  Well, do you mind if Niall stays here?  I should get started on dinner,” Liam asked softly.

“It’s barely four.”

“Well, we can eat early.  If I sit for more than five minutes I may fall asleep.”

“Sure, then, its fine.  He’s nearly asleep as it is.”

“Alright,” Liam mumbled, “I’ll um… I’ll be in the kitchen then.  And if you finish up anytime soon, I bet Harry would be really happy to have you play with him for a bit.”

“I’ll see.”

Liam sighed and headed into the kitchen, where he put away his groceries.  He held the two bottles of sleeping pills in his hand and wondered where he should put them so it wasn’t obvious they were hidden, but where Zayn probably wouldn’t stumble upon them.  And where they’d be out of reach for little hands.  He decided his drawer he and Zayn’s bathroom would work, since Zayn probably didn’t dig through Liam’s drawer, and because the boys didn’t go in there unless it was necessary.  They kept most of the medications in there so the younger boys wouldn’t find them and get curious anyway.

After he had put the bottles away and was just leaving his bedroom and was about to check on Louis and Harry, he heard the shrill ring of the phone downstairs in the kitchen.  Knowing Zayn wouldn’t answer it, he rushed down the stairs and caught the phone on its last ring.

“Hello?” he answered quickly.

“Mr. Malik, this is the city police office.  I’m calling to let you know a group of prisoners has escaped in your area and we want-“

“Hi Ruth,” He cut of the woman’s voice with a chuckle.

“Dammit!” She cursed and laughed, “How did you know it was me?”

“Well, your voice is pretty hard to miss.  Also, we have caller ID.”

“Well aren’t you a fancy man with your fancy caller ID.”

“I am, thanks.  Anyway, what do you want?”

“What?  A sister can’t check in on her little baby brother?”

Liam laughed and sunk into a kitchen chair.

“I suppose they can, but you usually have an actual reason to call.  Check ins can be done through texting.  Your words, not mine.”

“Okay, yeah, fair enough.  I _do_ actually have a reason for calling though.  I’ve got this week off and the kids are going to be at school, obviously, so I thought maybe one day I’d come down and we could go for lunch or something.”

Liam smiled wide.  He missed all of his family in Wolverhamton, but he and his sister had always been especially close.  He hated being so far away from her, and _loved_ when she came down to visit.  He missed his nieces as well, of course, but some time spent with just Ruth would brighten up the otherwise dark week he had had. 

“That would be amazing, Roo.  I’ve had a shitty week, I could use a visit.”  Well, fuck, he probably said too much.

“What do you mean? What’s wrong? Is everyone alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re fine.  Well, mostly.  Niall’s a bit sick.  But otherwise, yeah, we’re good.  Just some teenager drama with Louis.”  Lying by omission didn’t really count as lying, right?

“Ah, I get ya.  I’m gonna be there with Lilly in a year or so.  She’s already got such an attitude on her.”

Liam laughed, “wow, can’t imagine where she gets that?”

“Hey now, you don’t know the pain of having biological children.  They literally turn out _just like you_ and it’s awful.”

“You could have adopted!  Adopting isn’t only for the gays!”

Ruth laughed at the other end of the phone.

“Yeah I guess I could have.  But I love my little monsters anyway.”

Liam could relate.  While Ruth’s girls tended to be a bit more wild than his boys, they certainly had their moments. 

“Yeah, I feel that.  Even when they’re driving you crazy you gotta love ‘em, right?”

“Exactly.”

They talked for a few more minutes before Liam hung up with a big smile on his face.  At least something was going right for him. Maybe it was a sign things would look up.

Probably not, though.

~*~

Later that night, as Liam was in he and Zayn’s bathroom getting ready for bed, he finished brushing his teeth and took a sleeping pill from his drawer.  He held it in his palm for a few moments, debating on whether or not it was a great idea.  But in the end, the weariness in his limbs and the constant exhaustion he felt won, and he took the pill with a little cup of water.

He buried the bottle back in his drawer and went back into his room to slip into bed.  Zayn didn’t need to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie I didn't even reread this so if it sucks, my bad fam. A little more of a hint at Liam's past. Also sick clingy Niall


	8. Harry

Zayn didn’t find out. 

Liam slept through the night for the first time in almost two weeks, and when he woke up he felt a bit better than he had.  Still tired, but in a much less intense, bone-dragging way.  At some point during the night, Niall had, again, crawled into their bed and Liam had woken up with the blond asleep on his arm.  He too, was feeling better the next day, but still decided he preferred to stay inside and watch TV and color instead of his usual wild playfulness and constant begging to go outside or to the park. 

Overall it was a calm, quiet Sunday.  Louis refused to come out of his room, even for dinner, and Zayn had spent some time coloring with Niall.  Liam spent most of the day curled up on the couch while Niall watched TV with him, and Harry bounced back and forth between playing with his daddy and disappearing into Louis’ room to do God knows what.  Unsurprisingly, Louis only opened his bedroom door for the littlest Malik, and when Loki needed to come downstairs for food, water, or bathroom purposes.  Louis had locked the poor dog in his bedroom with him, though Liam doubted he really minded.

After Liam had gotten Harry out of Louis’ room and laid him down for his nap that afternoon, however, he was hit again with the realization that his boy was too big to be sleeping in a crib, and it was time to get him his first real bed.  He decided he’d talk to Zayn about it and maybe they could go pick one out the next weekend, or maybe even one night in the coming week.  He walked back downstairs and found Zayn still lounging on the couch, looking at something on his phone while Niall played with his dinosaurs and army men on the floor.  Liam sat at the other and of the couch and nudged Zayn’s calf with his foot.

“Hmm?” Zayn responded, but didn’t look up from his phone.

“So,” Liam started, “I just put Harry down for his nap.”

“Mhmm.”

“He’s getting a bit too big for his crib, isn’t he?”

“I don’t know.  I guess.”

“Well, I think he is.  He’s two, ya know.  Cribs are for babies.  I’m surprised he hasn’t found a way to bust out of it in the middle of the night yet.”

“Yeah,” Zayn mumbled distractedly. 

“Yoo-hoo, Zayn?  Are you even listening?”

Zayn looked up.  “Yeah, you said he’s too big for his crib.”

“Yeah!  So I’m thinking we should probably get him a new bed soon.  Like, really soon.  Like, probably this week.”

Zayn shrugged one shoulder and looked back at his phone screen, “Okay.”

“Okay, cool!  We can go Saturday, then.  Or one night this week if you get out early enough.”

Zayn looked up at his again, eyebrows drawn.

“Do you really need me to go with you?”  He asked, “I mean, it’s not really a two person job, is it?  You’re just picking out a bed for a two year old.”

Liam was a little taken aback by the comment, though he knew he shouldn’t have been. Of course Zayn wouldn’t care enough to go with him.

“Well, I figured since it’s _our_ son and _our_ house and _our_ money you’d want some input.  I dunno, I thought buying furniture would be something we, as a married couple, would do together.”

“Yeah, if it were something going in the living or dining room where we would all see and use it, but it’s only going to be in Harry’s room.  It’s not that I don’t _care_ I just don’t think I really need to go.”

Liam sighed. “I think it would be nice for us all to go out one day and do something.  Picking out his bed won’t take long and then we could all to dinner or something.”

“Do you really think Louis is going to go out with us anywhere right now?”

“Alright, that’s not the point, Zayn,” Liam rubbed his temples and sighed again, “If you don’t want to go, whatever.  I’ll take _my_ son and pick out a bed for him, and carry it in the house alone.  Maybe Ruth will look with us when she’s here.”

“Ruth is coming?” Zayn sounded surprised.  Liam though he had told him.  He was a little thankful, though, that that was the part of the comment he had focused on. 

“Yeah, she’s got the week off so we’re having lunch on Tuesday.”

“Oh, see, then it works out fine.  She can help probably better than I can, she’s had babies before so she would know.”

“It’s a _bed_ Zayn it’s not a baby-parent exclusive thing.”

“Well, still.  She knows what she’s doing.  Just make sure you don’t get one that’s too expensive.”

Liam rolled his eyes. 

“Fine.  I’ll just go get lost in IKEA and probably die but its fine.”

Zayn laughed, “you’re so dramatic.”

Liam forced a chuckle but he was disappointed.  He had really hoped Zayn would be into picking out a bed for their boy.  Zayn had been so excited when they picked out his crib and nursery furniture, he had for some reason expected it to be carried over when they bought their baby his first real bed. 

But he suppressed the disappointment and climbed down onto the floor with Niall to play with his toys

Later that night, since Liam had been so happy with how well he’d slept the night before, he decided the sleeping pills had been a good idea.  So he took one that night too.

~*~

Harry had been their first _baby_. 

He was only a few months old when he came to live with the Maliks, unlike their first two boys.  Both Liam and Zayn had been so excited to have such a tiny baby in the house – one that they would know and love and raise for his whole life, before he had other parents – but they were equally as terrified.  Babies were so much more work and there was so much more pressure on them as parents to do well. 

A year or so after Niall had come into their lives, they decided they would register to be a foster home for more kids.  They had plenty of space, and Liam was stay at home dad, and they had so much love to share.  They had wanted another child, at some point in the future, but weren’t quite ready for the commitment of a third child.  Instead, they figured a foster home would work, because they would be offering their love and care to children who needed it on a temporary basis, before they were ready for a third child of their own. 

It took several months to finally be registered.  Dozens of home checks, paper work, background checks, and red tape to go through almost made them change their minds a few times. 

After they were registered as an official foster home for the London care network, it was over 8 months before they were contacted about a potential placement.  The call came during the day, so only Liam was home, but by the sounds of things, it seemed pretty urgent that they place the child as soon as possible.  Liam accepted before he even asked Zayn.   All he knew was that his name was Harry.

Zayn had been a bit annoyed, but his excitement overshadowed any negative feelings he had.  The couple was told it would be two days before the boy arrived in their care, and they were sent a list of things they would need – a crib, diapers, pacifiers, car seat, clothes, and a stroller.

And that was the only way they had any warning that the boy they were taking in was a baby.  An actual, tiny, little bitty baby. 

When he arrived, the social worker knocked on the door with a large duffel bag over her shoulder and a carrier set at her feet, holding the smallest little thing Liam had ever seen. 

“Hello!  This is Harry!”  She had said excitedly as she was ushered inside.  Liam didn’t speak, he just stared.

They had sat down in the living room with Harry fast asleep in his carrier, as the social worker went over his special care needs and his background over a cup of tea.

Harry had been the child of a teenage mother who, only _after_ giving birth to him, realized she couldn’t handle the responsibility.  He had been juggled around between a few homes for the first three months of his life, but it was hard to find a home who was willing to keep a baby who didn’t sleep through the night and who required so much attention and care in general.  They were trying to keep him out of a boys’ home, since that type of hectic environment wasn’t exactly good for such a little thing - at least until he was older.

At some point during the conversation, Liam had _so gently_ lifted the sleeping infant out of his carrier and held him as he listened to the social worker.  He just couldn’t get over how _small_ he was.  Liam had never had a baby. Were that all that small?  He was just _so so so tiny_ and so soft and pudgy and his hair was so soft in little ringlets. 

Liam remembers placing the softest little kiss on the boy’s forehead and watching his tiny nose scrunch up for a moment before his features settled back down into the sleep-soft expression.  His little lips were so pink and in the cutest little pout which twitched gently every few minutes.  He was such a small, warm weight in Liam’s arms and he didn’t ever want to put him down.

He was in love.

How could no one want such a sweet little thing? 

“Liam,” Zayn calling his name had made him look up, “She said she needs to see his bedroom.”

“Oh.  Oh yeah, right.  Let’s go.” He stood with Harry in his arms, “ready to go see your new bedroom, little guy?”

The soft smile Zayn had given them and the way he kept watching Liam hold him until after the social worker left made Liam’s heart skip.

After she had gone, Zayn had wanted to hold Harry too.  Zayn had had little sisters while growing up and was always so good with babies, and Liam knew as soon as he saw his husband holding the tiny boy he didn’t want him to leave.  He wanted Harry to stay and be _their_ baby so Zayn would always hold him and smile like that.  But he had kept that to himself.  Harry was a foster.

Introducing Harry to his boys went better than anything Liam could have expected.  Niall had to be told to calm down and keep his voice down a few times, but he was so _excited_ and his tiny little body didn’t know how to contain it.  He had begged and begged to hold Harry, and once he was sitting still enough on the couch, Liam placed the infant in his lap and let Niall hold him.  He was terrified Niall would drop him or some freak thing would happen and Harry would end up hurt, but Niall was very gentle and careful with him. 

“Daddy, is he staying forever?” He had asked with a big grin on his face.

“No, bud, only for a little while until a family wants to adopt him forever.” Zayn had replied.

“But we bought him so much stuff!  He has lots of stuff here now!”

Liam had laughed, “I know, babe, but he can take it with him to his new home.”

“No, I think he should just stay here.  I love him.”  Of course Niall loved him, Niall loved everyone.  But he hadn’t been the only one to instantly fall in love.

When Louis got home a while later, he had practically sprinted into the living room asking, “Is he here yet?  How small is he?”

When he spotted him in Niall’s lap he cooed (something he would deny to his day).  He had gently sat on the couch next to Niall who was still very proudly holding him, and Louis ran a finger down his tiny chubby cheek. 

“Niall give him to me.”

“No, it’s still my turn I just got him!”

“Shh, Niall,” Louis said softly, “I know, but let me just hold him for a minute and you can have him right back, okay?  I want to say hi, too.”

So Niall let Louis very carefully lift the baby into his own arms and he held him, too. 

“Hi, Harry,” He whispered, “You are _so cute.”_

Liam agreed.

“Oh my god he’s _so small,_ Dad!  God, he’s so cute.”

“I know, isn’t he?  Look at those cheeks!”  Zayn had cooed, petting Harry’s hair over Louis’ shoulder.

In that moment, Liam decided maybe he should talk to Zayn about the possibility of adopting Harry. Everyone loved him, and he looked so _right_ with their family.  He really fit, and Liam didn’t want to give him up.

The first few nights were horrible for Liam, having to get up every few hours to tend to the baby.  He let Zayn sleep, of course, since he had to get up for work in the morning, but Liam was so tired.  He’d never gotten less sleep in his life.  Though they’d had two kids before him, Harry was a baby, which was something they hadn’t dealt with before.  They were so unprepared it was almost laughable.  After all, they’d only had a day’s warning, when most people have nine months.  The learning curve was a little rough, but they figured out feedings and burping and diapers and everything else rather quickly.  But god, it was exhausting.

But every time Harry looked at him with those huge green eyes or cooed up at him, Liam’s heart swelled and he knew it was certainly worth it to give this little orphan a loving home, even if it was only for now.  But as days, and then weeks passed, Liam was growing more and more attached.  He knew the rest of his family was, as well.  Louis was canceling plans with his friends to stay home and play and cuddle with the baby and Niall spent almost all of his time at home within less than five feet of him.  And if the way Zayn held him and bounced him and talked so softly and sweetly to him were any indication, he loved him just as much.  Harry had become a part of their family so quickly, it seemed like it was just meant to be.

After about a month and a half, Liam talked decided to talk to Zayn, who had agreed before Liam even got the entire sentence out of his mouth.  Apparently, Zayn had been wanting to ask him for some time, but was too afraid he’d say no.  So really, it was basically a done deal that Harry was theirs forever from the moment he came into their home. 

They called the next day to set up and appointment at the adoption agency to make Harry legally theirs.  It was still a few months before it was official, but the family celebrated the night of the appointment anyway.  They went out to dinner and bought Harry a bunch of new things he’d want or need, since he would be living their permanently.  Of course, both Louis and Niall had been ecstatic to hear that Harry would be their new brother forever, and had happily dog piled on Liam and Zayn when they told them.

After the adoption went through, however, the Maliks decided to drop their position as a foster home.  Now that the extra room was taken by their new baby boy, and since they had three boys in the house now, they didn’t really have the space required for another child.  Also, as Zayn had said, “we won’t be a very effective foster home anyway, because you know damn well we will adopt every single kid who shows up.”

And he certainly wasn’t wrong.  Plus, their family was perfect, and Liam didn’t want a single thing to change.

But it was only a few months later that Zayn started spending so much time at work, and subsequently becoming so distant and cold.  His warm, loving husband had been replaced by an angry stranger.  Around the same time, Louis’ teenage angst really kicked in and his attitude was constantly rather negative. 

It was like everything was as perfect as it could possibly be, and then all at once it crashed around him and he felt like shit, physically, mentally, and emotionally all the time.

But he still loved his babies.

~*~

Soon it had been three nights in a row, and Zayn still had no idea.

Liam knew it was a good idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would have been up sooner, but ya know... gotta catch em all  
> Thanks for reading, kudos-ing, and commenting! You're all such precious little beans I love you all  
> Introducing Ruth the awesome sister in the next chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

Late Tuesday morning found Liam sitting in a booth at a pizza parlor called Nina’s with Harry in his lap, waiting for Ruth.  Harry was coloring on the paper placemat with a few crayons Liam had brought to keep him entertained, and Liam rested his chin on the boy’s head gently to watch his wild scribbles. 

“Whatcha drawin’, buddy?” He asked.

“Couds!” He responded enthusiastically.  Liam squinted.  _Clouds,_ he thought.  Close enough.  He was pretty sure they were just purple scribbles.  But he loved them anyway.

“Purple clouds, huh?”  A woman’s voice said in amusement, “I always thought we should have more purple clouds.”

Liam looked up and smiled wide.

“Roo!”

“Lima Bean!” She laughed and opened her arms for a hug, which Liam stood and jumped into, squeezing her tight.

“God, I’ve missed you,” he kissed the side of her head as he let go and stepped back so she could swoop Harry into her arms for a big hug.

“Yeah, yeah, missed you too.” She said quickly, followed by an elated, “hello, Harry berry!  How are you, my curly little baby?” She kissed his cheek loudly, making him laugh.

Liam laughed as well and sat back down as she sat down across form him with the toddler in her lap.

“Well, I can see who you were more excited to visit.”

“Oh shush. I haven’t seen him in so long I missed his little face,” she kissed his cheek again, “The only way I can see him is on your Facebook posts and he’s getting so _big!_ ”

“I know,” he sighed, “hardly a baby anymore.”

“Nonsense, he’ll always be a baby.  Won’t you Harry?  Won’t you always be Daddy’s baby?”

The little boy giggled and leaned his head on his aunt’s shoulder and nodded, though Liam knew he didn’t really know what he was agreeing too.  But that was okay. 

“Anyway,” he said, “I’m starving and Harry wouldn’t eat his breakfast, so should we order?  Harry won’t eat anything but cheese on his pizza and I figured that would work for you, unless you’re going to do the dreaded _no Liam let’s do half mushroom and onion_ ,” he did his best high pitched girly voice in an imitation of his sister.

Ruth laughed loudly before covering her mouth.

“No, no, cheese is fine!” she giggled and shook her head, “and there’s nothing wrong with mushrooms and onions.”

“Sure, and while we’re at it, there’s nothing wrong with the plague.”

She laughed again, this time causing Harry to turn and look at her with concern.

When the waitress came by, they gave their order and Liam asked how Ruth and her family were doing back home, which launched a ten minute rant on her daughter’s new obsession with collecting bugs in jars and keeping them in her room.  Liam couldn’t help but laugh, knowing how his sister _hated_ any and all bugs with a passion. Liam reveled in how great it was being in his sister’s company again, even if just for a day.  She had been his best friend while growing up, and moving away from her had been hard.  She understood him like no one else ever did (until Zayn showed up), and loved and protected him fiercely.  If it hadn’t been for Zayn getting his fancy marketing job in London, he never would have left Wolverhampton.  And spending time with Ruth made him long to go home and see everyone again.

“Liam?”  She cut into his thoughts.

“Hmm?”

“I said how are things with you and your boys?”

“Oh.”  Shit. Okay.  He’s got this.  “Fine.  Good.”

She quirked an eyebrow at him, “Oh really?”

“Yes really.”

“Liam James.”

Damn she was good.

“Okay, so maybe things have been a little bit rocky lately.”

“Uh huh, that’s what I thought. Spill.”

Liam sighed and looked over to Harry who was paying them no attention, as he had moved on to coloring on Ruth’s placemat.

“Just… things have been tense.  With Zayn.  Ya know… the usual.  Working all the time, being all distant, all that good stuff.  And Louis’ teenager attitude is off the fuc-… darn charts.  He’s driving me mad.”

“Short drive innit?”  She commented with a small smile.

“Yeah, I suppose so.”

“Last time I was here you said the same thing with Zayn and that was almost a year ago.  Has he not gotten better?”

“If anything he’s gotten worse.  Always grumpy and angry and doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me or the boys.  It’s not just that he’s always at work its like… like he just doesn’t want to be around me,” he finished softly and looked down at his hands.  He knew he shouldn’t tell Ruth this, because she would get angry at Zayn and never forgive him.  But it wasn’t like he had anyone else he could go to.

“Oh, Liam,” she sighed sadly, “I did threaten him years ago I’d chop off certain extremities and force feed them to him.  It’s never too late.”

Liam chuckled lightly, “no need for that just yet.”

“Sure there is.  He’s making you feel like _this_ after he knows damn well about your history.  He knows he can’t treat you like this without you taking it personally, babe.  And I don’t mean that in a rude way, it’s just how you are, and he knows that.  And he’s supposed to be the person protecting you from feeling like this.”

“I’m not like I was back then.”

“But you’re getting there.  I can see it.  Hell, I could practically hear it in your voice on the phone the other day.  This sad little Liam isn’t allowed, okay?  Happy smiley Liam _only_.  And I’ll smack him if he keeps being like this.”

“It’s not his fault I’m such a baby.”

“You’re not a baby, Liam.  You were depressed.  And it would be really easy for you to fall back to that given the right triggers, even little ones.  And the way Zayn is making you feel could easily be a trigger, especially when it’s gone on this long, and _especially_ when you add Louis’ angsty crap.”

“Yeah I guess but I don’t want that to be an excuse.  I got better and I’m going to _stay_ better I just like… I don’t know.  I feel so alone.”

“Oh, sweetheart.”

“Yeah.  But I mean, I guess it’s a two way street.  I don’t do a whole lot to initiate any intimacy of any kind, really.  Like nothing.  Very few goodbye kisses, no cuddling, not even hand holding.  But mostly I just feel like I would be bothering him if I tried. Just me being a baby again.”

“Wait, not that I really want to know, because you’re my baby brother, but how long has it been since… ya know.  Woo hoo.”

Liam cringed at her wording but responded, “I don’t know.  Five or six months probably.”

“ _What?_   But he always seemed like, really into that.  A lot.”

“Yeah, but like I said, a lot of things have changed lately.  And by lately, I mean in like the last year.”

“Jesus, I guess so,”  She looked down and petted Harry’s hair, making sure he still didn’t seem to be listening as he hummed to himself and continued to color, “maybe you should try to initiate something  little.  Like a cuddle before you go to sleep.  I know you’re a cuddler.”

“Eh, I don’t know.  I’ll see.  If a good opportunity comes up maybe I’ll try it,” he shrugged.

“God, Liam, we sound like we’re talking about a high school crush, not someone you’ve been married to for years.”

Liam sighed again, “I know.  But I feel like I don’t know him like that anymore.  There’s so much distance now, it’s like he’s someone else entirely.  He was never like this.  And honestly, I think it must be me.”

“You how?”

“I don’t know.  I’m kinda naggy.  And boring.  And like… I dunno.  Look at him.  What on earth is he doing with me?  He’s probably just like, ya know… bored with me or something.”

“Bored of _what_?  _You?_   And your marriage?  Well if that’s the case,” she covered Harry’s ears, “fuck him.  But I don’t think it is.  Your lives are busy and hectic with work and the boys, you’ve just lost touch with each other a bit.  Maybe you could just take some time to reconnect with one another.”

Liam nodded thoughtfully.

“If you two wanted a weekend away from the boys, you know Josh and I would be happy to take them for a few days.  Any time.”

“Thanks, Roo,” he smiled and reached across the table to pat her hand, “You know I love you right?  Like, so much.”

“Yeah, I know, I’m pretty lovable.”

Just then the waitress arrived with their pizza and plates and Harry shrieked happily. He made a grab for the pan before it was even set down, but Ruth stopped his hand in time.   


“Careful, sweetheart, that’s hot!”

“Here, why don’t you let me take him so he doesn’t get pizza sauce all over you,” Liam stood to lift Harry off of the blonde woman’s lap and settled him in his own.  He took a slice of the pizza and began to cut it up into small pieces for Harry, which he immediately began to stuff into his mouth happily.  Apparently, it wasn’t too hot at all. 

“So anyway, now that I know what Zayn’s been up to, I think I’ll be coming over for dinner tonight as well.  And of course I need to see my little baby boys who aren’t babies anymore,” Ruth said, then took a bite of her own pizza.

“That would actually be awesome.  Niall would love to see you, and I’m sure Louis could come out of his mood for a few hours too.”

“Yay!” she cheered, “It’s settled then.  Also, I think Loki probably really misses me and I should pet him.  A lot.”

Liam laughed, “Josh still not up for getting a dog, then?”

She sulked, “no.  He’s _so_ annoying about it,” she changed the pitch of her voice into a nasally, whining tone, “no, Ruth, I’m _allergic_ , I’ll sneeze and die, Ruth, we can’t!”

Liam laughed again, which Harry laughed along too, though Liam was sure he didn’t know what he was laughing at.

“Well, Loki will be glad to see you, I’m sure.  But after this, Harry and I need to go pick out a new bed for him, don’t we, baby?” He turned down to kiss his baby’s chubby cheek, “because someone has definitely outgrown their crib, huh?”

“Oh, how exciting!  He’s such a big boy now!”

“I know!  It’s horrible he should stay tiny forever.”

She laughed, “I know the feeling, trust me.  But I would _love_ to help you pick the little Harry berry out a new big boy bed.”

“Great!  Zayn was no help, of course, and kept convincing me of reasons he didn’t need to go, so I was hoping I could rope you into it.”

“No roping necessary, I completely volunteer.”

“You’re the best, Roo.”

“Yeah, I know.”

~*~

Picking out a bed for Harry went easier than expected.  At the furniture store, there was a large selection of twin-sized bed frames, But Liam and Ruth easily decided on one that almost perfectly matched Harry’s dresser and rocking chair that were already in his room.  A few hours later found the three of them hauling the box into the house and leaving it in the foyer, before going back out and doing the same with the new twin mattress they’d gotten.

“I guess he can stand one more night in his crib,” Liam said, sighing and wiping the gleam of sweat off his brow, “don’t really have time to put this together before I have to go pick up the other boys from school, and I didn’t think to get him new bed clothes.”

“Haven’t you got extra twin sized sheets somewhere?” Ruth asked, bending down to scoop Harry into her arms.

“Yeah, we’ve got Louis’ old ones.  But we can put it together and everything tomorrow while everyone else is at school, and then we can go out and let him pick out something fun.”

“Alright, if you say so, baby bro,” she said easily, “now where’s my puppy?”

Liam laughed and led Ruth to the back room and let Loki out of his crate so she could pet him for a while as he went and put on some tea.  He gave Harry a sippy cup of juice, but when he noticed the boy yawn and rub his eyes, he realized maybe he should go down for a nap. 

“Hey Roo?  Do you mind staying here with Harry while I go pick up the boys?  He’s going to fall asleep any minute now.”

She took her cup of tea, “What?  Stay here with my adorable nephew for nap time cuddles?  Please, no, anything but that!”

Liam laughed and took a quick gulp of his own tea, “alright then.  He’ll probably want to sit in the play room and watch cartoons, and he’ll try to stay awake but he won’t.  He’ll be out like a light.”

“Okay!  Loki can cuddle too, because I want to keep petting him.  Forever.”

“If you say so, Roo.”  Liam took the last drink of his tea, kissed Harry, grabbed his keys, and was out the door.

~*~

“Daddy!”  Niall called as he ran and jumped into Liam’s arms, hugging his father’s neck tightly. 

“Hey, little man!” Liam held him tight and set him on his hip, “How was your day?”

“Daddy, where’s Harry?”  Niall asked, completely ignoring his father’s question. 

“He’s home, bud.  He’s with someone special who’s waiting to see you.”

Niall gasped.

“Who is it, Daddy?  Is it Nana?”

“No, but close.  You’ll see when we get home,” He kissed Niall’s happy face as he carried the boy to the car and strapped him in.

Louis was less excited about their surprise visitor when Liam picked him up.

“Louis!”  Niall called in excitement as soon as the teenager got into the car, “Daddy said someone is at home waiting for us!  It’s a surprise!”

“Cool,” he mumbled and put in his headphones.  Well, that was a little disappointing.

~*~

The evening was spent eating dinner and playing board games in the living room.  Liam was delighted to realize how genuinely happy he felt with his whole family spending time together, plus his favorite sister.  Even Zayn seemed to be in an abnormally happy mood as he joked around with Louis and pretended to pout when he lost at Candy Land.  Louis, too, seemed to be less of a grump, claiming Harry to be on his team and helping the toddler move the game piece around the board. 

Ruth left around 8 o’clock, when Harry was nearly asleep on his big brother’s lap and Niall had yawned a few too many times.  Ruth still had a long drive home, and it was getting a bit late.  The rest of the family said their goodbyes to their aunt, then Liam followed her out to the car and wrapped her in a big hug.

“Bye, Kangaroo,” he said, squeezing her tight, “don’t wait so long to visit next time, yeah?”

“Well, you could always come home and see everyone for a change,” She countered, hugging back.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.  Love you, babe,” he kissed the top of her head before letting her go.

She smiled sadly at him.

“Call me whenever you need, okay?  I know you’re a bit short on friends out here, but I’m always down for a good gossip session.”

“Yeah, I will.  Same to you.  Give the girls lots of kisses for me.”

“I will,” she hugged him one more time, “remember what we talked about. Try to work on things, yeah?  He loves you, I know he does.  Don’t forget about that.”

It was Liam’s turn to give a sad smile.  She climbed into her car, blowing him a kiss out the window and driving away.  He stood in the dark driveway for a few more minutes, staring down the street even after her car had turned away.  Eventually, though, he turned and slowly headed back into the house where he put the two little boys to bed as quickly as he could.  Niall had insisted Harry cuddle in his room while Liam read them not one, but _three_ bedtime stories before he agreed to lay down to sleep.  By the time Liam had tucked Harry into his own bed, the two year old couldn’t keep his eyes open anyway. 

He popped his head into Louis’ room to see what he was doing before he headed to his own room to lay down.  Louis was sat up on his bed with his laptop, scrolling away.

“Hey kid, whatcha doin’?”

“Nothing.”

“Well nothing looks really interesting if you can’t even look up to say hi to your dear old dad,” Liam mused, walking in and sitting on the foot of the teenager’s bed. 

“Yep.”

Liam suppressed a sigh.

“Have fun with Aunt Ruth tonight?”

“Yep.”

“Maybe we can take a trip to Wolverhampton this summer and see Nana and Grandpa and everyone.  That would be fun, wouldn’t it?”

“Yep.”

“Do you know any other words than that?”

“Yep.”

“Am I the coolest dad ever?”

Louis rolled his eyes and said nothing.

“Ouch.  Alright, well, I’ll leave you to it then.  Night, babe.”

Liam stood and leaned down to kiss his son’s head, but Louis pulled away and batted lazily at his father.  Liam ignored the pain in his chest at that.

“Fine, be that way.  I’ll go spend time with Loki, because he actually likes me,” Liam joked as he left Louis’ room, pulling the door closed behind him.  He didn’t get a response.

He headed back to his room where the dog was, in fact, curled up on the bed as if he were waiting for Liam to come in to watch TV as he did every evening.  He stretched out on the bed and flipped through the channels while lazily petting the dogs for a while before he settled on a rerun of Parks and Recreation.  After a while Zayn came in and got ready for bed silently. 

“So I got Harry’s new bed,” Liam said, muting the TV, “it matches his other furniture almost perfectly.”

“Yeah I saw.  Looks nice.”

“I think tomorrow I’ll take him out and let him pick out some new sheets and stuff, then maybe once you get home we can put it together or something.  I’d say I could do it during the day but we both remember the bookshelf incident in our first apartment and we don’t need-“

“What did you and Ruth talk about today?” Zayn cut him off.

“Uh,” Liam was a little surprised at Zayn’s curt tone, “Just catching up and stuff.  Why?”

“Because you must have really been talking some shit about me because after dinner while you were cleaning up Harry’s face she pulled me aside and threatened my life.  Again.”

“Oh, come on, Zayn,” Liam tried to pass it off casually, “you know how she is.  Over protective sister and all that.  She loves you.”

“Really?  Because it sounded pretty specific.  Certain things about letting you ‘slip back into your depression’ and ‘not spending time with you’ and ‘there are more important things than your job, Zayn’.  Awfully familiar, isn’t it?  Sounds like the stuff you whine about, doesn’t it?”

Liam sighed.

“Yeah I told her the truth about what’s been going on with us lately.  That we don’t see you much because you’re working more, and that I’ve been lonely lately and I miss her because of it.  In case you forget, Zayn, I moved here with you and left all my family and friends behind.  The only person I spend my time with during the day can’t even pronounce ‘banana’.  I told her I’ve missed her and I’m lonely.”

“Oh, cry me a river, Liam.  I left my family and friends too.  You’re always just such a _victim_.”

“Why are you making this into a fight?  You get to see actual grown adults at work all day every day.  I only see our kids.  And sometimes you.  So I’m lonely, and that’s what I told her.”

“Whatever.  If you did see any other actual adults you’d just tell them what an obviously shit husband I am.”

“Your words, not mine.”

“Fuck you, Liam,” Zayn spat, “your wounded little victim thing is really getting old.  Be a fucking adult and handle your shit.”

Liam shook his head, again trying to ignore the aching pain ripping through his chest and the tears pricking at his eyes.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” he mumbled and stood up.

“Of fucking course not,” Zayn laughed humourlessly,”once you start to realize you’re wrong, you always have to end the conversation.”

“No, I don’t want to talk about it, because for once I just actually had a good fucking day and I don’t want to ruin it anymore with this shit.  Just… god just leave me alone,” he sighed and brushed past Zayn into their bathroom and shut the door quickly.

“Liam, you can’t-“

“Please Zayn, just stop,” Liam called through the door as he sank to the floor, “Please stop.”

He heard Zayn sigh angrily but then there was silence. He couldn’t cry because Zayn would see his red face and know he had won.  He dropped his head into his hands and tugged at his hair, trying to even out his breathing and will the tears to stay away. 

After a few minutes, he felt good enough to get up and brush his teeth, splash some water on his face, and dig out a sleeping pill before he left the bathroom and curled up under his side of the covers.  He kept his back to Zayn and avoided eye contact, though he was sure the older man was probably doing the same as he read his book in the light of his bedside lamp.  He fell asleep before Zayn had even turned off his light. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, I wasn't feeling particularly inspired.   
> Also I quit my job in a fit of rage, so hey, new chapters will probably happen faster! :D   
> I just really love loki, ok?  
> Thanks for reading! Hope it's still enjoyable for you all, my little beans.


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning, Liam woke up in a horrible mood.  He’d slept well, but he’d had weird dreams and woke up feeling a bit unsettled, and once he remembered his fight with Zayn the night before, he felt even worse.  But still, dad duties called, and he pulled himself out of bed to get the boys ready for the day. 

When he had woken up Niall, however, he’d found the boy was in a clingy mood and refused to let go of his father, even while he was trying to dress Harry before breakfast.  Though Liam would be lying if he said it didn’t improve his mood just slightly to be reminded how much his baby loved and needed him. 

He was in the kitchen, standing at the counter packing Niall’s lunch with the blond hanging onto his back like a spider monkey when Zayn finally came downstairs, dressed and ready for work.  The irritation that had set itself in Liam’s shoulders spiked even further when he saw the other man’s face, completely void of any kind of emotion. 

“Morning,” he mumbled to the whole of the kitchen as he poured some coffee from the brewing pot into a travel mug.

Louis grumbled back and Harry squealed happily, but Liam kept himself faced toward the counter.  He didn’t want to pretend to be happy, or pretend last night hadn’t happened.

“Hey,” Zayn murmured and slid up to Liam’s side, wrapping an arm around both him and Niall who was still clinging to his back, “I said goodmorning.”  He placed a quick kiss on Liam’s cheek, then one on Niall’s head.

“Yeah, g’morning,” Liam mumbled back and kept spreading peanut butter onto the bread of Niall’s sandwich. 

“Sorry about last night,” he whispered and kissed Liam’s cheek again.  If Liam had been in a better mood, the sudden affection would have certainly let Zayn off the hook for the previous night’s argument, but he was stilled pissed.  A few kisses and a heartless apology weren’t getting him anywhere.

“Mhmm.”

Zayn stood next to him silently for another few seconds.

“Is there anything you want to say to me, too?” He finally asked.

“Have a good day at work,” Liam replied.

“Really, Liam?”

“Really.”

“Ya know I didn’t-“

“Stop, not now.” Liam cut him off, “there’s French toast on the table.  Have a good day.”

“Have a good day, Baba!” Niall chirped happily from his place on Liam’s back.

“Thanks, bud,” he ruffled Niall’s hair before he finally stepped away, and Liam felt like he could breathe again.

“Bye, kiddos,” Zayn kissed Harry and Louis on the head before he picked up his briefcase and headed out the door.

Liam sighed and finished putting Niall’s lunch into his T-Rex lunch bag, then reached around to swoop the boy into his arms from his back, making him giggle.

“You need to eat some breakfast, young man,” Liam said playfully in an attempt to get rid of any bad feelings Niall might have gotten from his fathers’ short conversation.

“Only if you eat breakfast with me,” Niall said, tucking his head under his dad’s chin.  Liam hugged him tighter, then pulled out a chair to sit at the table.

“Daddy isn’t hungry, but I’ll sit with you while you eat.”

Niall settled himself into Liam’s lap and ate his breakfast.

The rest of the morning went rather normally while Liam helped the younger two boys get ready for the day.  By the time the family was in the car on the way to school, Niall was feeling better and less clingy, though Liam was surprised he hadn’t tried to stay home from school again, as he often would when he was having a clingy morning.

When Liam stopped the car to let Louis out at his own school, the teenager paused before he opened his door.

“You know, he was only trying to apologize.  You didn’t have to make it so difficult.  Just let it go and stop always making everything so hard.”  And then he was gone and heading into the building.

Liam sat there stunned for a moment.  Both because he was shocked Louis had said so many words to him at one time – he had been refusing to talk to his father unless absolutely necessary since his phone was confiscated – and because he certainly hadn’t been expecting him to comment on Zayn’s behavior earlier that morning.  The longer he sat there processing what he had said, the angrier he got.  Of fucking _course_ Louis was going to side with Zayn.  He hated Liam.  No matter what Liam did, Louis was always going to hate him and he was always going to side with Zayn, even though he knew for a fact Louis couldn’t know the whole story.  He didn’t even have enough information to _have_ a side to choose, but he went with Zayn.  It pissed Liam off, but it also broke his heart.  Not even his own son was on his side in this. 

“Daddy, we stay?”  Harry’s tiny voice from the backseat broke his thoughts.

“Um, what?” He looked at the toddler in the rearview mirror.

“We stay?” He asked again, pointing ahead at the school.

“Oh, no, sweetheart.  We’re going home.  Well, actually we’re going to the store first,” he put the car in gear, only then realizing how tight he had been squeezing the wheel.  “We’re gonna go pick out some new blankets for your new bed, okay?”

“Yeah, Daddy!”  He cheered happily and shook his stuffed monkey in delight.

 Well at least someone was in a good mood. 

~*~

Picking out bed clothes for Harry had been surprisingly fun.  Not that Liam thought it would be _bad,_ but with the mood he was in, he wasn’t expecting to enjoy it as much as he did.  He let Harry look at all the bed displays and pictures of duvets on the packages, and even let him feel every single one he liked.  And Harry just looked so happy and excited to be getting blankets, Liam almost forgot about his mood. 

Eventually, though, he decided on a blue SpongeBob set.  Liam wasn’t surprised at all.  He even let Harry pick out a new stuffed animal for his new bed, which led to another 20 minutes of serious decisions.  He hugged every animal in the display, looked each over carefully, and patted the heads of each one he didn’t choose.  He ended up not being able to decide between a tiger and a fox, so Liam let him get both. 

And the pure joy on his baby’s face at getting _two_ new stuffies was certainly worth it. 

When he got home, though he had been planning on trying to put the new bed together himself, he didn’t feel like it.  He was still angry, both at Zayn and Louis, and he was starting to not feel well.  He just couldn’t be assed to try and deal with the frustration that would come with trying to put the damn thing together.  So instead, he made himself a cup of tea and sat on the back porch while Harry played in the backyard, filling his dump truck in the sandbox before emptying it into a different pile over and over.

At one point, he got a text from Ruth asking how things were going.  He ignored her.

~*~

By the time Liam needed to go pick up the other boys from school, his mood had improved slightly but he still felt the mild irritation that was set off by just about _anything_ that he’d been dealing with all day.  He had given up folding laundry because he was sick of finding all of Niall’s clothes inside out and trying to find the missing matches for all of Harry’s socks, and had decided it was absolutely not worth the frustration.

As he pulled up to the high school, with both is little boys in the back, Liam reminded himself to not be cross with Louis, and not show how much he had been affected by his comment earlier that morning. 

So he said nothing as the teenager climbed into the car.  He just put the car in gear and went home.

At home, he finished folding the laundry while Niall sat next to him and told him all about his day.  The chatter was nice.  It kept Liam’s mind occupied. 

“Why don’t you help fold if you’re going to be sitting here anyway, bud?” He asked at a lull in Niall’s story.

“Okay!  How do I do it?” He asked excitedly.

Liam showed him how to tuck a pair of socks together, and let him dig through the mountain of clothes to find socks and pair them with their matches, fold them together, and toss them in a pile. At least that was one thing he wouldn’t have to deal with.  And Niall seemed to actually enjoy finding matching socks as if it were a game. 

After the laundry was finished and put away, Liam started on dinner.  The chicken was in the oven when Liam decided to go check on his boys, minus Niall who he knew was playing outside with the dog.  He climbed the stairs and knocked on Louis’ door, knowing Harry was in there with him, and got no response. 

“Lou, I’m coming in,” he sighed and turned the knob.

“Whatever,” the teen mumbled as his father opened the door. 

“Daddy!” Harry shrieked.

“Just wanted to see what you guys were up to,” Liam said.  Louis was sat on his bed, laptop on his legs, and Harry was on the floor sticking Legos in Louis’s shoes. 

“I’m doing homework,” Louis replied in a bored tone, not tearing his eyes away from the screen.

“Well, I mostly wanted to see what Harry was up to.  And he shouldn’t be playing with those Legos, they’re too small.  He’s only allowed to play with the big ones, remember?”  Liam reminded him gently, “I can go down and bring up the jumbo sized ones for him if that’s what he wants to play with.  But if he’s in here, you need to keep a better eye on him, okay?  He’s still too little to play with such small pieces.”

Louis rolled his eyes.

“He’s not going to stuff them in his mouth, Dad, he’s not an idiot.  He found those under my bed so I let him play with them.”

“Okay, but just in case, we have to be careful.  He’s only two, kiddo, he can’t play with the same stuff as you and Niall yet.”

 “Yeah, he’s two, he’s not an infant who shoves everything in his mouth.  He’s not going to choke with me right here, three feet away.”

“Louis, stop.  I don’t care what you think he will or won’t do, he’s my son, and he’s small.  If you’re going to have him in your room and you’re watching him, you have to abide by my rules to keep him safe.  Otherwise, he stays downstairs with me.” Liam was really trying not to lose his temper, but Louis was pushing him.

Louis rolled his eyes again, and went back to staring at his laptop.

“Fine, take him then.  I’m sure he would love to stay down there in Naziville with you until you kill all his joy like you did to me.”  He leaned over the side of the bed and patted Harry’s head gently, “have fun while you can, little guy.  Good luck, love you.”

“Alright, Louis, that’s enough,” Liam sighed and picked Harry up, who immediately hugged his father’s neck happily, “just because you’re being punished for breaking our rules doesn’t mean we want to kill all your joy.  You did this to yourself, so don’t blame us.”

“Oh, I’m not blaming you and Baba.  Just, you, actually.”

Liam almost screamed.

“Well, like it or not, you’re stuck with me for another four years.  If you want to pretend I’m the only parent in this house who enforces the rules, then fine.  But I’m not going to stop doing that just because you’re angry about it,” Liam adjusted Harry on his hip and turned to walk out of the room.

“Four years unless I kill myself first,” Louis mumbled.  Liam stopped and turned back around.

“Don’t even joke about that, Louis William.”

“Whatever, maybe I will.”

“Louis I’m serious.  Don’t you ever joke about that, okay?” Liam stepped back inside and crossed the room to sit on the edge of Louis’ bed, “I know you’re not serious, but that _is_ something to be taken seriously, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, whatever.  I’m not serious, Dad, get over it.”

“I know.  But I love you so much, okay?  And saying things like that terrifies me, even when you’re kidding.” 

Louis groaned, “Yeah, okay, I know, just go.”

“Alright,” Liam stood up, but bent down to kiss Louis’ head, “I love you, kid.  Even when you’re driving me insane.”

“I love you, Louis!”  Harry cheered, waving to Louis as Liam stood up again. 

Louis laughed, “love you too, little man.”

“See? You’re capable of emotions, I knew it!”  Liam winked as he left the room, shutting the door behind him.  After a moment, though, he opened the door again to peek his head in and say, “speaking of emotions, your phone has gotten an awful lot of texts from someone named El.  Is she the mystery girl you’ve been spending so much time with?”

The shocked look on Louis’ face was enough to make Liam laugh and close the door once again.  While he was out in the hall, though, he could hear Louis yell, “stop reading my messages!”

~*~

For the third time that week, Zayn wasn’t home in time for dinner.  Liam had texted him to ask if he should bother to set him a place at the table, but never get a response.  So, he decided me might as well go ahead and set the table for five, incase Zayn was home in time for the roast chicken and vegetables he made.  Zayn loved chicken of any kind, so whether he was home for dinner or if he ate it cold, either way he would be happy. 

As he sent the boys to wash their hands and he got the food on the table, Liam checked his phone one last time for a text from Zayn.  No reply meant he was still working, and wouldn’t be there.  But even when everyone was sat in their seats ready to eat, Liam stalled as much as he could.  He took his time making sure all the food was on the table, was slow to pour everyone a glass of milk, and even had the boys wait while he ran into the kitchen to find a “better” knife to cut into the chicken with. 

By then he was out of things to do, so he carved the chicken and cut Harry’s into little pieces, and had a decent dinner with his boys.  Louis didn’t talk, Harry made a mess, and Niall didn’t _stop_ talking.  And, of course, Harry had a mild fit about finishing his broccoli until Liam sprinkled some cheese on it.  Thankfully, none of them asked why he hadn’t eaten any of his food. 

After dinner, things went quickly downhill.  Niall fulfilled his task of clearing the dinner dishes away from the table and stacked them by the sink while Liam put away the leftovers.  He took care to arrange a full plate for Zayn, so when he got home he could easily pop the whole thing into the microwave, instead of having to fuss with several different Tupperware containers. 

After dinner, the two older boys had designated chores.  Niall cleared away the dishes, and Louis washed the plates, glasses, and silverware, and Liam or Zayn washed the harder to scrub things, like frying pans, pots, and baking dishes.  On this night, like many other nights, Louis tried to get away without doing his bit. 

When Liam saw him heading for the stairs, he called his name.

“Louis, don’t forget about these dishes,” he reminded him.

“Yeah, I know, I’ll do them later.  Like, wash the other stuff first, and then I’ll do the rest.”

“Why can’t you do them now?”  Liam knew he would ‘forget’ about doing them, and Liam would end up having to wash them all himself.

“I want to finish the episode of _Supernatural_ I was watching before dinner.”

“Alright, be back down in twenty minutes or I’m coming up there.”

Louis flipped his hand in acknowledgement and headed up the stairs. 

 “That boy is not very helpful around here, is he Daddy?” Niall asked, little hands on his hips.

Liam laughed, “no, sometimes he certainly isn’t.  But at least I’ve got one little boy who loves to help me, huh?”  He swooped Niall up into his arms and planted a big kiss on his cheek.

Niall giggled and hugged Liam’s neck.

“Only sometimes I like to help.”

“Sometimes is better than no times, innit?”

“Yeah.  When Harry’s bigger maybe he will like to help too, and you can have _two_ helpers!”

“Well, that would be just awesome, wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah!  And it would be good because Baba doesn’t help you.”

Liam’s smile dropped.  That was unexpected.

“Well, Baba helps in other ways.”

“Like what?”

“Baba goes to work to make money for our house and food and toys and stuff.”

“Yeah but he helps _at work_ not at home, Daddy.”

“All help is good, babe.  If Baba didn’t go to work we would have to live in a box under a bridge and have no toys.”

Niall gasped dramatically and covered his mouth. 

“No _toys?_ ”

Liam laughed, “Not a single toy!  And we could only eat crackers and green beans.”

“No!  I hate green beans, Daddy!”

“I know!  So it’s a good thing Baba goes to work, huh?”

“Yeah, if I had to only eat green beans I think I would die, probably.”

“Well, maybe not die, but you’d be awfully sad,” Liam laughed and kissed his cheek again before setting him back on his feet, “now go play or something, Daddy’s gotta wash some dishes.”

Liam washed up his part of the dishes then headed into the play room to see what his little boys were doing.  The TV was on, but both boys were playing with army men under the coffee table.  Liam decided that was as good a place as any to watch TV at least until Zayn came home so he could talk to him about putting together Harry’s bed.  Although, they wouldn’t be able to put it together than night, since it was nearing Harry’s bed time as it was.  Checking his phone, Liam saw no new texts, meaning Zayn was still working.  If he were on his way home, he would have checked his phone by now to reply to his husband, so Liam assumed his must still be busy.  At 7:30 at night. 

Again, Harry and Niall would probably be in bed by the time their father got home from work, and they’re go the whole day only seeing him once for about two minutes.  And Zayn claimed he had a good relationship with them.  Liam mentally rolled his eyes.  Harry didn’t even ask for Baba before bed for kisses anymore, and Niall never tried to get Baba to read him a story in funny voices like he used to love.  Baba just… did really exist for them anymore.

A half hour or so went by before Liam finally got up and stretched, and told the little guys it was time for bed.  Niall protested loudly, claiming he wasn’t even tired yet, while Harry just sleepily reached his arms up to his daddy to be carried off to bed. 

He put the boys to bed with minimal setbacks, and by 8:30 they were both sound asleep.  Liam was glad Harry had been so sleepy, otherwise he surely would have demanded to be able to sleep in his new sheets and duvet he had gotten earlier that day. 

Liam headed back downstairs to let the dog out one more time for the night, and as he passed through the kitchen, he saw the pile of dirty dishes still sitting on the counter. 

For some reason, on this particular night, it really, _really_ pissed Liam off.  Why couldn’t Louis do just _one fucking thing_ Liam asked him to do?  It wasn’t like he had many chores in the house, and he never seemed to do any of them anyway.  He was nearly shaking with anger as he opened the door in the back to let Loki out to pee, then stormed back up the stairs and knocked on Louis’ door twice before pushing it open. 

The teenager was still sitting on his bed, watching something on his computer.

“Louis William Malik you get downstairs and wash those dishes right now or you’re not getting your Xbox back _ever_.”

“Whoa, okay, relax, whatever,” Louis shut his laptop and stood up, which Liam took to mean he’d be right behind him as he headed back to the kitchen to put away the dishes he had washed earlier.  After he had finished, and Louis _still_ hadn’t gotten downstairs, he was fuming.

“LOUIS!”  He yelled, instantly regretting it and fearing one of the younger boys had woken up, but he heard nothing but feet coming down the stairs.

“Jesus, I’m coming, keep your pants on,” Louis grumbled.

“Watch your mouth.”

“I didn’t even say anything!”

“Well watch your attitude.  I’m sick of it lately.”

“Maybe once you’re off your period you’ll feel a bit better,” Louis mumbled.

“ _Excuse me?_ ”

“That’s the only explanation for your mood lately.”

“I think _you’re_ an explanation for my fucking mood lately, Louis.”

“Uh oh, better watch your language!” Louis mocked as he turned on the water, facing away from Liam.

Liam was done.  He was fed up.  He was sick of being treated like shit by his own kid, who walked all over him like a door mat.  He was going to set things straight once and for all.

“You listen to me, Louis,” Liam spat.  He grabbed Louis by the arm to turn him around and make him face him as he spoke, “I don’t know what bug crawled up your ass, but I’m tired of it.  You’ve been acting like a brat for over a week and I don’t want to deal with it anymore.  You may hate me more than your Baba since I’m the only one around to punish you, but trust me, he would do the same if he were here more.  But you need to start giving me a little respect around here, because whether or not you like it, I’m your father.  I am sick of you treating me like shit, got it?  So buck up and get over your hormonal teenage angst or you’re not getting any of your things back until you move out.  Understood?”

“Let _go_ of me!”  Louis hissed and jerked his arm out of Liam’s hold, “I didn’t ask for you to be my dad, did I?  I got dragged here when I wasn’t even old enough to know any better so don’t act like you’re really even my dad, you’re a glorified babysitter until I’m 18.  I don’t have to like you.”

“Excuse me?” Liam gritted out between clenched teeth.

“You heard me!  You’re not my real dad and you never will be.  You can act like I’m really your kid but I never was.  You just gave me a place to stay until I’m old enough to live on my own.”

And god, if that wasn’t a punch in the gut.

“Ya know, you’re awfully ungrateful aren’t you?  We could have had any kid we wanted, and we chose you.  We chose you to love and give a home and a family to, when maybe we should have picked someone a little more _grateful_.  We could have left you in that fucking boys’ home to rot, but instead we brought you here and gave you all the love in the world, Louis.  If you think it’s bad here, maybe you ought to go back, yeah?  Maybe we could make a swap for a kid who would _love_ to have your life and your family.  Don’t think I won’t send your nasty little ass back there, because right now I’d love to let someone else deal with you, because I’m about _sick_ of you.”  Liam could feel the angry tears on his face and he knew he shouldn’t say these things but he couldn’t stop now.  It was all tumbling out of his mouth without his brain’s approval and he hated to think how _good_ it felt. 

“Good!”  Louis yelled right back, “send me back!  I’d rather live there anyway!  I didn’t ask to be brought into some stuck-up, boring household, and I didn’t ask to be raised by a couple of _fags!_ ”

He didn’t even register what he had done until he saw Louis recoil, and felt the stinging on his palm.

Louis looked at him with his eyes wide and jaw slack in shock.

“Lou… Louis oh my god I’m so sor-“

Louis pushed past him and sprinted out of the room and up the stairs before Liam could even finish his sentence. 

He stood in the middle of the kitchen in shock.  Had he really done that?  Had he just… _hit_ his son?  And the things he _said_ to him?  To his _baby?_

He heard a sob echo through the kitchen, and it took him a moment to realize it had come from him. 

The room started to spin a bit, so he sat on the floor and pulled his knees to his chest and cried.  He tried to keep his cries quiet, but he was sure he wasn’t doing a very good job.  He couldn’t really tell over the ringing in his ears.  He wasn’t sure how long he was sitting there, when he heard the front door open and Zayn taking off his shoes. 

“Liam?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did all of this in one sitting, for once, so my b if it's not very good but oh shit am I right, middle class?


	11. Chapter 11

Liam looked up at Zayn.  He knew he had to look pathetic, curled up on the kitchen floor with tear tracks streaking his flushed cheeks. 

“Liam?”  Zayn asked again, this time with more concern.  He kneeled in front of Liam and put his hand on his husband’s knee.  “Liam, what happened?  Are you okay?”

Liam sobbed again and dropped his face back to his knees.

“L-Louis and… Louis and I f-fought really… really bad,” he stuttered through his sobs.

“Oh, Liam,” Zayn said softly.  Liam kept his face hidden in his knees as he tried to right his breathing, but jumped when he felt Zayn’s hand in his hair.  “What happened, love?  Are the other boys okay?”

Liam never even thought about the other two boys.

“I… I d-don’t know,” he cried.

“Shh, okay, Liam.  It’s alright. I’m sure they’re fine, but I’ll check on them in a little bit, okay?”

Liam nodded.  Zayn kept his hand in his hair, gently massaging his scalp.

“Tell me what happened, Li.”

Liam took a shaky breath.

“I w-was so angry, and he was being such an _ass_ , Zayn.  A-and we yelled a lot and I said such awful things and he said he doesn’t want to live here and I’m not his real dad and he called us _fags_.”

He heard Zayn’s sharp intake of breath and felt his hand go still in his hair.

“He did?”

Liam nodded and sniffed pathetically.

“But I said horrible things, too, Zayn!  I s-said I’d send him back to the boy’s home and I didn’t mean it but he was being _so awful_ and… god, Zayn,” he sobbed again and tugged at his hair.

“Shh, Liam, it’s alright.  It’s not that bad, okay? I think him saying what he said kind of asked for you to say that, babe.”

“I hit him.”

Silence.

“What?”

“I did!”  Liam cried, “I didn’t mean to but it happened before I could even think!  I hit him and he ran, Zayn, I hit our _baby!_ ”

Another short silence.  Zayn’s hand pulled away from his hair.

Then Zayn was laughing humorlessly.

_Laughing?_

Liam looked up sharply.

“What the fuck is so funny, Zayn?”

Zayn shook his head and kept laughing, standing up and running his hands through his hair. 

“Oh, boy.  This is rich. Wow, Liam.”

“ _What?_ ”

“Perfect Daddy Liam _hit_ Louis.  I thought we didn’t hit in this house, Liam,” Zayn said smugly, “Dad of the year you are!”

Liam was dumbstruck.

“Are you... are you serious?”

“I can’t _wait_ until the next time you try to bitch me out for being a bad father because I don’t live up their asses like you do.  Perfect little Liam finally fucked up.  This is just _rich_.”

Liam just stared at him from his place on the floor.

“Zayn… please don’t do this right now,” he mumbled miserably, staring at his hands.

“Do what?  What do you expect from me right now?  To hold your hand and make sure you’re okay, after _you’re_ the one who fucked up _miserably_?”  Zayn laughed again. “I don’t think so.  How does it feel to be belittled for your shitty parenting, Liam?  Not great, is it?”

Liam dropped his face into his hands and curled his knees even closer to his chest, biting his lip to try and hold back another sob.

“Well, have fun in your pity party, I’m gonna go make sure Louis is alright.  And the other boys.  Since, ya know.  Niall gets scared so we can’t yell, but hitting is okay as long as _Liam_ is the one doing it.”

Liam sobbed loudly into his hands and tugged at his hair again.

“I-I-I’m s-sorry!”  He wailed.

“Oh, I bet you are.  Anyway, I’m gonna go play Good Dad,” he waved his hand nonchalantly as he left the room.

Liam sat on the floor shaking, small whimpers leaving his lips as he restrained his sobs to try and hear what was going on upstairs.  He strained his ears, but couldn’t hear any voices.  He knew he should go up and try to talk to Louis but he couldn’t bring himself to move, and he didn’t want Louis to see him crying.  He sat there for what felt like 20 minutes before his body began to ache from the position he was in and his eyes were burning but dry.  He wanted nothing more than to go curl up in his bed, but he couldn’t bear to be near Zayn.  Plus, he didn’t know if he would make it up the stairs without collapsing.  He was fucking exhausted and his head was spinning and pounding. 

So instead, he dragged himself into the playroom and curled up on the old couch in there.  Niall’s little firetruck print blanket was crammed into the corner of one of the cushions, so Liam pulled it over himself.  It didn’t cover him entirely, but it would have to do. 

 _Things really can’t get much worse here, can they?_ He thought miserably.

He laid there in the dark, on the old lumpy sofa, crying softly until he fell asleep.

~*~

He woke up to someone roughly shaking his shoulder.

“Liam. Up.” Zayn said shortly.

Liam slowly cracked open his eyes and it took him a moment to realize where the hell he was, and even longer to remember why he was there.  His eyes were burning and his head was throbbing.

“Please, no, Zayn,” he whined and ran a hand over his face.

“Come on. Get up.  The boys are already in the kitchen and I need to go to work.”

“Zayn,” he groaned, “can’t you take them to school today?”

“Why?  Because you’re moping because you fucked up?  No.  Get up and do your job.”

Liam winced.  He probably deserved that.

“Fine, whatever,” he grumbled and sat up slowly.  The room spun a little bit. 

“Hurry up,” Zayn sighed and left the room. 

Well, that was a promising way to start the day.

After a few minutes, Liam pulled himself up and headed into the kitchen, where the two younger boys were already sat at the table eating cereal.

“Daddy!”  Niall cheered, “Baba woke me up this morning!”

Liam tried his best to force a smile, but Zayn was standing at the counter buttering some toast.  Liam definitely didn’t feel like smiling.

“I know, bud.”

“Where were you, Daddy?”

“I just slept in a little bit this morning.”

“Oh, okay,” Niall reached his arms up in the air as his father passed by, “Daddy, hug please.”

At least Niall still liked him.  He stopped and bent down to lift the small blond into his arm and hugged him tightly.  Niall clung to him and hugged his neck happily.

“Know how many hugs Baba gave me this morning when he woke me up?  Zero!  Zero hugs!”

“Well, Baba doesn’t know you need a lot of hugs in the mornings, you’ll have to remind him,” Liam kissed the side of his boy’s head.

“Next time I will,” Niall said matter of factly before turning his head towards Zayn, “Baba!  I need a lot of hugs in the morning!”

Zayn nodded his head but didn’t look up.

 Niall squeezed him one more time before Liam set him back in his chair, then moved on to give his littlest baby a good morning kiss.  Harry reached up to hold the sides of Liam’s face when he kissed the boy’s forehead, then puckered his own lips for another kiss.

“You shouldn’t kiss him on the mouth, Liam.”  Zayn mumbled from his spot leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee in his hand.

“Why not?”

“He’s two, you just shouldn’t. It’s weird.”

“Yeah, he’s only two, and he likes kisses.  It’s not like I’m some creep, I’m his daddy.”

“Well, soon he’ll be too old for it and it’ll be weird.  People will think weird things.”

Liam sighed in defeat and rolled his eyes.

“Let people think what they want, it’s none of their business.”

“Whatever, Liam.  We all know what a five-star dad you are lately.”

Liam whipped his head up to glare at his husband, who didn’t even have the decency to be looking at him when he spoke.  He kept his mocking eyes focused on his coffee.

Liam was about to respond when Louis came into the kitchen, and Liam snapped his mouth shut.  Louis quietly sat down at the kitchen table and poured his own bowl of cereal. Liam looked back over to Zayn who was now scrolling through something on his phone, paying his husband no mind.

Liam’s stomach dropped and his heart started to race.  Looking at Louis just made him feel like shit all over again about the night before, and he felt like he might be sick.  Louis wouldn’t look at him either.

“Well, see ya later, kiddos,” Zayn said finally, setting down his empty coffee cup and kissing each boy on the head on his way out the door.

Silence fell over the room again while the boys ate.

Liam fidgeted and kept flicking his eyes over to his oldest son, who stayed quiet as he ate his Lucky Charms.

“Did Baba already make your lunch, Niall?”  Liam asked.

“Yeah, I think so.  I asked him to put in an extra applesauce and he did because I told him you always do it.”

“I do _not_ give you an extra applesauce.”

Niall giggled.  “I know, but Baba doesn’t know that!”

“You’re naughty, Niall James.  Don’t do that again,” Liam smiled but shook his head.

“Don’t take advantage of Baba, Niall, that’s mean.  Don’t be a jerk.”  Louis snapped.

Niall glared at his older brother. 

“Whatever, Louis, you’re just mad because I got applesauce and you didn’t.”

Louis just rolled his eyes.

“Hey, come on, boys, it’s too early for arguing.”

“Sorry, Daddy,” Niall said.

Louis didn’t say anything, and that was fine.

Silence fell over the kitchen again.

“So, boys, are you excited for the last week of school?  It’s almost summer!”  Liam injected some fake enthusiasm into his voice as best he could, but it sounded bad even to himself.

Louis just nodded and Niall went into a full rant about all the things he was going to do this summer and how he was going to miss his friends.  Liam let him chatter on and on, thankful for the noise.

Getting the boys ready for school went relatively easily, despite Liam’s exhaustion and nausea.  After he’d laid an outfit out for Niall and gotten Harry dressed, he headed back downstairs with the toddler on his hip and made sure the boys’ bags were packed and ready for school.  He set Harry down and stuffed Niall’s lunch into his backpack and tucked a few dollars of lunch money into the small pocket on Louis’, then carried them to the front door to wait for the two older boys to come downstairs. 

And of course, Louis came down first.  He stood at the bottom of the stairs with his head down, fiddling with his fingers.

“Lou?”  Liam called softly.

Louis hummed softly in response but didn’t look up.

“Lou, sweetheart, come here.”

Louis sniffed and was in Liam’s arms before he could even blink.  Liam gasped softly and hugged the teenager tightly to his chest, burying his face in his hair.

“Lou, honey, I’m so, so, _so,_ sorry, baby boy.  God, I’m so fuc-… so sorry.  I didn’t mean to do that, baby, I promise, and I’ll make it up to you somehow, okay?  I love you so much, Louis, I am _so sorry,”_ Liam squeezed his eyes shut to stop the tears from falling. 

Louis sniffled into his dad’s shirt and wrapped his arms tight around his middle. 

“I’m sorry too, Dad, I didn’t mean to call you and Baba that, I swear, I was just so mad and-“ he sniffed again, “I just wanted to hurt your feelings and I felt so bad but I don’t really think that, Daddy, I promise!”

“Oh, baby boy,” Liam kissed the top of his head, “we’ll talk about this more later, okay?  We’ll talk about it for real, but I don’t want you to go to school upset, yeah?  You need to know how sorry I am, sweetheart.  You know I never wanted to hurt any of you boys.”

“I know, Dad,” Louis sighed and nuzzled his face into Liam’s shirt more.  Liam was pretty sure he was just wiping his snot on him, but he accepted it, “I didn’t mean to make you that upset, I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too, bud,” Liam kissed his head again.  He heard Niall’s footsteps thundering down the stairs so he patted Louis’ back once more, “But we can talk more about this later, okay?  After you get home from school we can have it out if ya like.”

Louis nodded.

“Aw!  Can I hug too?” Niall called happily as he bounced to the bottom of the stairs.

Liam laughed.

“Of course, bud.  Grab Harry too, group hug.”

“Dad, no, we’re gonna be late!” Louis groaned.

“Don’t worry, I’ll drive fast.”

Niall led Harry by the hand to Liam and Louis, and the teenager scooped the toddler up into his arms and hugged Liam again with the boy on his hip.  Niall wedged his way in between them and hugged them both.

“This is nice.  I love you guys.  Except you, Louis, I only _like_ you today because you were mean.”

~*~

Liam felt a bit better after dropping off the boys at school.  Even though the talk he and Louis had had was short, he felt much better after having it.  At least Louis knew he was sorry.

However, he was still exhausted.  His body was sore and his head was still pounding, and he felt like he could hardly keep his eyes open.  When he got home, he was more than ready to collapse onto his bed and fall asleep, but he had things to do.  Laundry needed to be done, the dishes from the night before still had to be washed, and the floors could use a good vacuum.  And of course, Harry’s new bed needed to be put together, but just looking at the box in the foyer made him want to burst into tears.  He was tired and stressed and overwhelmed and needed about a three day nap.

Harry had gone directly into the playroom for his morning cartoons the minute they got home, and Liam figured he could take some time to have a cuddle with his baby before he started on household chores.  After an episode and a half of SpongeBob, though, Liam was falling asleep.  He was so tired and Harry was such a warm, snuggly weight in his lap he couldn’t keep his eyes open. 

He nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone rang next to him on the couch. 

He fumbled around to pick it up as fast as he could with his eyes still half closed.

“’lo?”  He answered sleepily.

“Hello, Liam?  It’s Mark.” 

Mark was technically his boss at the editing company.  He was the one who assigned Liam his manuscripts and set his deadlines.

“Oh, uh, hey, what’s up?”

“I was just looking through some of the assignments we have right now, and I realized you haven’t got any right now.  How does three short stories proofread by next Friday sound?”

“I um,” Liam rubbed his temple, “I don’t think now is a good time for any new assignments.  I’ve just got a lot going on right now and I don’t think I would have any time.”

“Oh.  Well, then I guess I’ll let you know the next time we’ve got something for you, okay?”

“Yeah, Mark, that sounds good.  Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.  I’m sure I can find someone to take them on.”

“Alright, thanks Mark.”

“Yep.  Have a nice day, Liam!”

“Thanks, you too.”

He hung up and dropped his head back onto the back of the couch and sighed.  He hadn’t even thought about any new manuscripts he might be assigned.  And he sure as hell knew there was no way he’d be able to get any done any time in the near future.  But the unexpected phone call threw him off and made him feel even more worthless.  He couldn’t even proofread a few short stories while he sat on his ass being a lazy father.  Great.

He sighed again and hugged Harry closer to his chest.

“Who it, Daddy?” the toddler asked, eyes still trained on the TV.

“It was Daddy’s boss from work.”

“No,” Harry shook his head, “Daddy not work.”

“Daddy does his work at home, bud.  But I still have a boss who works in a building downtown.”

“Oh,” Harry said like he understood, “What his name?”

Liam laughed and kissed Harry’s head.

“His name is Mark, bud.”

“Is him nice?”

“Yeah, he’s pretty nice.”

“Good.  I love Mark.”

Liam laughed again and squeezed Harry tight.

“I’m sure you do, little man.” He kissed his chubby cheek.

 Harry was quiet after that.  At least until he was ready for lunch, for which he had no problems tugging at Liam’s hair after he had drifted off.  So, Liam got up and made Harry a sandwich and laid him down for his nap, at which time he decided he would take a nap too. 

And one he laid down in his own bed, he realized how badly he did not want to get up.  So he made a decision he knew was risky considering the circumstances he and Zayn were in, and called his office.

“Hello, Zayn Malik’s office.”

“Hey Brit, its Liam.”

“Oh, hi, Liam!”  Zayn’s secretary chirped, “Zayn’s at lunch, so you should be able to call his cell if you want.  He’s out of the building so I’m afraid I can’t help.”

“Okay, thanks, Brit, I will.”

“Okay, bye Liam!”

Liam hung up and called Zayn’s cell.  It almost went to voicemail, but Zayn picked up just in time.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Zee, it’s me.”

“Oh.  What’s up?”

“Listen, I hate to be an ass but-“

“Then don’t,” Zayn cut him off.  Liam heard laughter muffled behind Zayn’s voice.  He sighed.

“Never mind.”

“No, come on, I was kidding.  What do you need?”

“Just I’m sorry and I know you kind of hate me right now but I’m so fucking tired and I need to sleep or I’m going to snap.  So I was wondering if _maybe_ you could pick up the boys from school today?”

There was a pause, then it was Zayn’s turn to sigh.

“I have a lot of work to do, Liam.”

“I know!  But maybe you could just take a half hour or so to just drop them off at home so I don’t have to get up and go get them?  By the time you get them home I’ll be feeling better, I’m sure, and then it’ll be fine.  But you don’t want me endangering the lives of your children from driving while sleep deprived, do you?”

“Well, it’s hard to argue with that,” Zayn chuckled, “but yeah, I can do that.  Get out at 2:45, right?”

Liam sighed in relief.

“Yes, yeah, 2:45.  God, thank you so much, Zayn.  Really, thank you.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.  Get some sleep.”

“Yeah, I will.  See you later.”

“Yeah, see ya.”  Liam was about to hang up when Zayn’s voice stopped him.  “Oh, and Liam?”

“Hmm?”

“I don’t hate you.”

“Golly, thanks, mister,” Liam said goofily.

“I might even kinda like you.”

Liam giggled.

“Yeah, I kinda like you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys your comments... I can't anymore. You're all the best I love you all, and I'm so glad you're enjoying the story because tbh sometimes I feel like it's quite shit. Also, any and all little comments like "hey I imagine this type of thing happening" and "I bet Liam wil ___" is actually kind of helpful in terms of getting the creative juices flowing. I ended this one on a slightly happier note for once, yay. Idk why I'm such an angsty little person tbh.


	12. Chapter 12

Liam woke up to crying coming from down the hall. 

He groaned loudly and rolled out of bed, wiping a hand over his face and opening his bedroom door.  The crying was coming from Harry’s room, of course, so that’s where Liam went. 

“Harry, sweetheart, what’s-“ Liam cut himself off when he saw Zayn already in Harry’s room.  The man was standing next to Harry’s crib, reaching toward the toddler.  Harry kept crying and wiggling away and out of Zayn’s grip, refusing to let the man pick him up.

“Harry, come on!”  Zayn snapped.  He wrapped his hands around Harry’s middle in an attempt to lift the child, but Harry latched onto the bar on the far side of the crib and wouldn’t let go.

“What’s going on?”  Liam asked, stepping farther into the room.

Zayn jumped and lost his grip on Harry, who scooted away further.

“I’m just trying to help him out of the fucking bed and he won’t let me!”

“Hey, hey, come on,” Liam said softly, “no F-words, please.”

Zayn rolled his eyes and turned back to Harry.

“Harry, come on, bud,” he said, forcing calmness into his voice.

“No, Baba!”

“Yes, Harry.  Time to get out of bed.”

“Not wan Baba!”

“Then what do you want?”

“Wan my Daddy!”

Oh.  Shit.

Zayn sighed and threw his hands up in defeat, stepping back.

“Fine. Daddy’s here. I’m done.”

Liam sighed and stepped forward, reaching his arms down for Harry who instantly crawled into them.

“Okay, okay, baby boy, calm down,” he hummed soothingly, lifting Harry up and into his arms.  “What’s wrong with Baba?  Don’t want him today?”

“No, Daddy,” Harry whined and let his face drop into Liam’s shoulder.

“Why not?”

“Wan Daddy.”

“Alright, little man, if you say so,” Liam said softly and bounced the child in his arms, then turned to face Zayn who was standing a few steps away with his arms crossed.  “What happened?”

“Nothing!  He was awake when I got home, so I figured he probably wanted to get out of the damn bed but he just had a tantrum when I tried to pick him up,” Zayn grumbled.

“Alright, I guess he just woke up grumpy,” Liam reasoned.  He turned his face down toward Harry, “Did you, bud?  Are you grumpy?”

Harry nodded pitifully against Liam’s shirt.

“See?  Just a grouchy baby who needs some daddy snuggles,” Liam smiled softly at Zayn.

“Yeah, well, whatever.  I guess Baba snuggles aren’t good enough.”

“He’s so little, Zayn, don’t take it personally.”

“Sure.”

Liam sighed.  Again.

“Anyway, welcome home!” Liam tried to say positively.

“Yeah.  Thanks.”  And with that, Zayn left the room with a sigh.

Liam turned his attention back to Harry.

“You, little man, have to be a bit more polite to your Baba.”

Harry rubbed his face on the material of Liam’s shirt and whined, “no, Daddy.”

Liam shook his head as he, too, left the room.  His boy was a menace. 

He found Niall in the kitchen, digging through the pantry on the bottom shelf, probably in search of a snack.

“Hey, Nialler, whatcha looking for?”  Liam greeted him cheerily. 

Niall looked up quickly and backed away from the pantry.

“Oh.  Nothing.”  He was acting guilty, as if he had been caught in the act of something he knew he shouldn’t be doing.

“Are you sure?  If you want a snack or something, that’s fine.”

“Uh, no, it’s okay.  We got… we got ice cream with Baba.”

“Oh, okay.  Did you have fun?”

Niall nodded quickly, then slipped out of the room around Liam and hurried up the stairs.

_What the hell?_

Niall was acting strange, and almost a bit _nervous_. Something was up, but Liam would figure it out later.  His brain was still a little foggy from his nap and Harry was going to have a fit if he didn’t get juice very soon.

As Liam was attempting to pour apple juice into Harry’s sippy cup with one hand and the toddler balanced in his other arm, Zayn stepped into the kitchen. 

“Hey, take this for a second,” Liam said, nodding toward Harry.

“This?”

“Yes, this little monster.  Take it.”                 

“Is it going to start screaming again?”

“Probably not.”

“Sounds conniving,” Zayn mumbled but lifted Harry off of Liam’s hip.  The curly haired boy whined, but clung onto Zayn just the same.

“See?  He just needs some juice,” Liam set down the jug and twisted the top onto Harry’s cup, then handed it to the boy with a kiss to his forehead.  “There we go.  So Niall told me you guys got ice cream?”

“Yeah, so?” Zayn countered defensively.

“What?  Nothing I was just surprised.  I thought you were going to hurry up to get back to work.”

“Oh, nah, I decided not to bother.  Louis said he had a bad day, and I was going to come home early tomorrow since it was their last day anyway.  So I figured I could just come home early today and stay tomorrow.  I didn’t have anything that needed to be done by the end of the day today anyway.”

“Oh, cool,” Liam said and smiled as he turned to open the fridge, “Why did Louis have a bad day?”

“He said he got in a fight with one of his friends, but he said ‘she’.  Does he have any female friends, or is it a _girl_ girl?”

“There has been some girl he’s been hanging out with a lot.  I called her Mystery Girl, but since we’ve taken his phone, it appears her name is El.”

“Oh, the one from the night he went to the movies?”

“Probably.”

“Nice.  She was cute.  Well, anyway, he had a fight with _some_ girl and with what happened last night between the two of you, I figured we could all use some ice cream.”

“Oh.  Right.”  Liam shut the refrigerator with a bottle of water for himself and a can of Coke he knew Zayn would want.  “I should go up and talk to him soon, then.  We kind of apologized to each other this morning, but we said we’d talk about it more later.”

“Nah, we talked about it while we got ice cream.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.  He kind of let it all out and got a bit upset with himself.  Said he didn’t really mean it, blah blah blah, just wanted to hurt your feelings.  All that good stuff.  And he said it didn’t really even hurt, just shocked him more than anything.  When I looked at it last night it wasn’t even red.  He’s pretty well over it now, just upset about that El girl.”

“Oh.  That’s good, I guess.”

“Yeah.  I mean, if you want to talk to him I guess you can, but like I said, I think he’s over it.  Niall even gave him a kiss on the cheek to help it get better.”

Liam narrowed his eyes.

“You talked about it in front of Niall?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Why?”

“What, was it supposed to be a secret?”

“Well, not necessarily, but you know how he gets, Zayn!”

“Maybe you should have thought about that before you hit your son.”

“Daddy hit?”  Harry piped up from where he was still perched in Zayn’s arms.  Liam had almost forgotten he was there.

“No, no sweetie, don’t worry.  There’s no hitting going on, babe,” Liam reassured him gently.  Zayn scoffed.  Liam rolled his eyes and gently transferred Harry into his own arms, kissed him on the head, and set him on his feet.  “Why don’t you go watch some cartoons with your juice, babe?  I’ll bring you a snack in a little while, okay?”

Harry didn’t even reply as he toddled out of the room.

Liam stood back up and fixed Zayn with a glare.

“So, you’re telling our previously abused son all about how I beat his brother around, yeah?”

“What?  Liam, no.  You’re over reacting.”

“Am I?  Because not ten minutes ago, I ran into Niall in here and I’m only now realizing why he seemed so nervous. If my son, my _baby_ , is going to be nervous and scared of his own daddy, because of _your_ lack of tact in that situation, I’m going to be really fucking pissed.”

“What do you mean, _my_ lack of tact?  How about it’s because _you_ hit our kid.  Don’t act like it’s my fault you did that.”  Zayn crossed his arms and leaned back against the counter.

“No, but you know damn well how knowing about it could affect him.  _That_ is your fault.”

“Well I didn’t know we were keeping secrets, just to benefit you.  I’m not going to hide your fuck-ups from our kids just because you want them to think you’re so perfect.”

“Oh my _god,_ Zayn!”  Liam nearly yelled, “That is not what this is about!  It’s about you not giving a shit that your son is scared and uncomfortable in his own home now.”

“Again, that’s your fault.”

“Jesus Christ, Zayn.  If you weren’t so keen on turning them all against me, this wouldn’t even be a problem.  You could have talked to Louis about that at _any other time._   You know, like the other 97% of the day you’re not anywhere near Niall or Harry.”

“Oh my god, on this again, are we?  Jesus, I took the rest of the day off to spend with them.  And for your sake, I’m going to ignore your comment about me turning them against you.”

“Oh, for my sake, huh?”

“Yes, for your sake.”

“How so?”

Zayn sighed angrily.

“If you honestly think I’m trying to turn our kids against you, you’ve clearly got a lot of fucking issues going on, Liam.  It’s not a competition here.”

“No, we’re supposed to be a team.  But that went out the window a long ass time ago, once you started acting like none of us matter but you.  You’re basically an extra in this house anymore, Zayn.  And accessory.  B team.  You’re not a constant.  And that’s when we stopped being on the same team.  All we do is fight with each other when you actually are around, and it’s clear we want very different things for our kids in terms of punishment, attention, and everything else.”

“Jesus, Liam.  You’re fucking crazy, you know that?”

Liam grit his jaw and clenched his fist.  Angry tears gathered in his eyes and blurred his vision

“I am _not_ crazy.  You just want to change the subject because you know I’m right.”

“Keep telling yourself that.  Staying cooped up in this house all the time doing nothing is really going to your head.”

“Doing _nothing?_ ” Liam did yell this time.

“Yeah.”  Zayn gestured to the counter of dirty dishes next to him, “Have you done anything at all?  In like, a week?  No, but you’re just _so tired_ you can’t even pick up the kids.  Your _one job_.”

Liam felt the tears spilling over and running down his cheeks. 

“I can’t fucking believe you, Zayn.” Liam ran a hand through his hair, tugging at it in frustration.

Zayn coughed out a dry laugh and shook his head.

“Maybe you should get yourself a husband who’s actually fucking _worth_ _something_ then, Zayn,” Liam continued, “let him raise your god damn kids.”

“Fuck you, Liam.  Don’t try to turn this into a pity party for yourself.  I’m not buying into it this time.”

“Go fuck yourself, asshole,” Liam gritted out between clenched teeth.  “You can deal with the kids alone tonight, because I’m fucking _done._ ” 

Liam was on his way out of the kitchen when he heard Zayn call, “Wow you got me!”

As soon as he got into his room, Liam slammed and locked the door and went directly into the bathroom.  He dug around in his drawer until he found the bottle of sleeping pills, pulled one out, and swallowed it dry.  He was going the hell back to sleep so he didn’t have to deal with any of the shit going on his life.  He knew it wasn’t healthy, and he knew he had gotten into trouble with it before, but he felt justified this time.  He decided to take the bottle with him, in case he couldn’t sleep and needed another one but didn’t want to get up. 

He dropped himself onto his side of the bed and curled himself around his pillow, sobbing into the fabric. 

He was so sick of this.

So sick of feeling to alone, and sick of feeling like his life was a constant battle with _someone_ in his own home who was supposed to love him, be it his husband or his son.  Having a family shouldn’t feel like this. 

And now Niall, his best little buddy, knew what a piece of shit he was and was _afraid_ of him.  And that was one thing he absolutely could not handle.  Niall was the only one he knew was always on his side.  Niall _loved_ his daddy more than anyone.  And now he had fucked that up as well.

 _He always fucked everything up_. 

He cried himself to sleep before 15 minutes had even gone by.

~*~

When Liam woke up, it was dark.  H could tell by the way the blanket was pulled tight over him Zayn was in bed beside him, meaning it was late.  His head ached as he turned to look at the clock, which read an annoying 1:22.

Without even thinking, Liam dug the bottle of pills out from the nightstand drawer where he had left them and was as quiet as possible about shaking two out of the bottle.  He knew one wouldn’t be enough to put him back to sleep after just waking up from sleeping over 9 hours, but hopefully two would be enough.  He didn’t want to waste any more than he needed to.  He swallowed them dry and tucked himself back under the blankets, and closed his eyes to wait for sleep to take him back into its comforting hold. 

Zayn didn’t need to know. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, sorry this chapter is a bit shorter, but I felt like it was a good stopping place. Otherwise it would have been a lot longer, and I'm leaving for vacation tomorrow so I wanted to get one up tonight. Angst angst angst tho am i right. Here's a fun drinking game: drink every time someone sighs.


	13. Chapter 13

When the alarm went off the next morning, Liam almost burst into tears.   Just the thought of getting up and dealing with the day ahead made him _miserable_.  He yanked himself out of bed anyway and tried to ignore the dark spots surrounding his vision when he stood. 

Halfway down the hall to Niall’s room, the dark spots hadn’t faded.  His head felt light and dizzy.  He’d felt this before.  He knew if he didn’t sit down _immediately_ , he’d probably pass out.  So he sat.  He sat on the floor of the hallway and dropped his head between his knees and tried to take some deep breaths.  He would be fine.  He would be _totally fine_ he just needed to calm down and get up more slowly.  He would be _fine¸_ he wouldn’t pass out. 

It took a long time for the dark ring around his sight to go away and for his head to stop spinning.  Once it did, he waited a few more minutes before he slowly stood up, leaning against the wall for support, and headed into Niall’s room.

Getting the boys up for school was harder than usual.  Niall was still acting slightly nervous around Liam, which broke his heart even further and added to the throbbing in his head and churning in his stomach.  Zayn had nothing to say to him as the older man popped into the kitchen for his travel mug of coffee on his way out the door, and Liam was fine with that.  He was in no mood to deal with any of Zayn’s snarky attitude.

When Harry was done eating and Liam picked him up to take him upstairs to get dressed, he noticed Niall hadn’t eaten any of his breakfast.  The boy was pushing the pieces of cereal around in his bowl, but it didn’t look like he’d actually been eating any of it.  Liam sighed and set Harry more comfortably on his hip before stepping toward Niall and running a gentle hand through his blond hair.

“Hey, babe, what’s wrong?  Not hungry?”

Niall shook his head.

“Well you’ve got to eat at least something, sweetheart.  It’s the last day of school, you don’t want to be hungry all day, right?”

Niall kept staring at his bowl.

“Is there something else you want?  Toast maybe?”

Niall shook his head again. 

“Do you feel alright?”

Niall paused, but nodded slightly.

“Okay, babe.  Well, if you do want anything else let me know.  I’m going to go get Harry dressed.”

When he got no response, Liam sighed and headed upstairs with the toddler to get him ready for the day.  He didn’t want to think about Niall’s discomfort with being around him, so he tried his best to push the topic out of his mind.  It wasn’t too hard, really, with the intense pounding in his head that made him want to vomit.  Harry was being especially squirmy that morning and it was making Liam all the more nauseous. 

The drive to drop off the older boys was excruciating.  If Liam were a smart man, he wouldn’t have tried to drive in the state he was in.  His vision was a bit blurry and his depth perception was way off due to his migraine, and he knew it wasn’t safe for his boys or himself.  Luckily, Louis seemed to sense something was off with his father and did most of the talking in the car, asking Niall if he was excited for summer start, and telling Harry about how his two big brothers would be home to play with him every day.  Liam was thankful for that, at least.

He was even more thankful when he got home alive without crashing his car into anything or anyone, and was able to drop himself onto the couch as soon as he got inside.  He was asleep within minutes.

~*~

“Daddy?  Daddy up now!” a tiny voice chirped in Liam’s mind, working itself into his dreams before he slowly woke up to realize it his son.  Harry stood in front of the couch, right in Liam’s face, gently patting his father’s cheek.  “Daddy, it not nap time.”

Liam blinked a few times to clear the bleariness of his vision, then slowly pulled himself into a sitting position.

“Wow, sorry, bud.  I fell right asleep didn’t I?”

“Yes.  It okay,” Harry crawled up onto the couch and sat himself in Liam’s lap.  “Were you sleepy?”

“Yeah, I was.  But I feel better now.  How long was I asleep?”  Liam looked at the clock on the wall across the room.  It read 9:37, meaning he had only been asleep for about an hour.  But he was still upset with himself for basically leaving Harry by himself for an hour, when he could have gotten into something and gotten himself hurt.  He had probably spent the hour watching cartoons in the play room, but the possibility of something happening to Harry because Liam was taking a nap terrified him nonetheless.  He really was a horrible father.  He had one job.

“So, long, Daddy.  Like this long,” Harry held both his arms out all the way to indicate what, apparently, was a very _big_ amount of time that Liam was sleeping.

The man laughed, “oh, that long, eh?  Wow, how did you ever get on without me?”

Harry shrugged and laid his head on Liam’s shoulder.  Liam hugged him tight and kissed the top of his head.

“Did you wake me up just for a cuddle?”  He asked the toddler, who nodded in response.  “Good, Daddy needs a cuddle too.”

The rest of the day went on relatively normally.  Harry was extra cuddly, which Liam was certainly not complaining about.  Liam ignored the large box next to the stairs that still held Harry’s new bed – which thankfully the boy seemed to have forgotten about.  There wasn’t a chance Liam would be able to try and put the thing together on his own, even though the pounding in his head and the churning in his stomach had subsided.  He just couldn’t deal with the stress. 

Picking up the older two boys from school should have been a joyous occasion for them all.  Every year on the last day of school, Liam would take the boys out for ice cream before going back home and they’d celebrate the beginning of summer vacation.  This year, however, Louis came out of the school building looking absolutely miserable.  He climbed into the car and sighed heavily, a deep frown set on his face. 

“Hey, kiddo, what’s wrong?” Liam asked as he put the car in drive.

“Nothing,” he grumbled back.

“Oh, come on, it’s summer vacation!  No more homework, no more getting up early.”

“Yeah, and no seeing or talking to my friends.  I’m _so_ excited to sit around the house for two months.”

Liam sighed.

 “Ya know, Louis,” he began, “we can always revisit your grounding depending on your behavior these next few weeks or so.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, why not?  I don’t want you to be miserable _all_ summer.  If you behave, and you do your chores, maybe we can cut that punishment short.”

“That would be awesome!”  Louis said excitedly.

“I know, I know, I’m an awesome dad.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you were thinking it, I can tell.”

“Um, if it means I get my phone back faster, then sure.”

Liam laughed.

“I’ll take it.”

~*~

As soon as Zayn got home from work, Niall was sprinting toward the front door to throw himself on his father in excitement.  Zayn barely put his bag down in time to catch him, but stumbled back a few feet on impact.

“Baba!”  Niall cried, “Happy summer!”

“Happy summer to you too, little man,” Zayn laughed as he swooped Niall up into his arms properly and kissed his cheek.

Liam watched them as he stood at the stove, flipping over the chicken breasts frying in the pan in front of him.  Even when he was upset with Zayn, and their marriage was crumbling, Liam still couldn’t help but appreciate how _beautiful_ his husband was.  And it would always warm his heart to see him interacting so sweetly with their boys, especially when it had been so rare the last few months.  Even if Zayn made him feel like shit, and even if Zayn didn’t love him anymore, Liam still loved him to death.  Zayn was still the love of his life, and Liam would take any small moment of happiness he could get at this point. 

“Hey, love, how was work?” He asked casually.

Zayn looked over to Liam for the first time and the look on his face hardened as the smile dropped off of it.  The happy moment was gone just like that.

“It was fine,” he replied in a monotone voice.

“Oh, that’s… that’s good.”  Liam tried his best to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest. “We’re having chicken parm, how’s that sound?”

“Alright.”

There as a beat of awkward silence before Niall’s voice broke it.

“Baba, we got ice cream because school is all done and I got a really big one and me and Harry ate all of it!”

Zayn smiled again, “that’s cool!  What kind?”

“Chocolate _and_ strawberry!”

“That sounds yummy.”

“It was!”

“Alright, bud, I gotta put you down so I can go upstairs and change, yeah?”

Niall whined and wrapped his arms around Zayn’s neck.

“Baba, no, it can wait.”

“No, it can’t, Ni.  I’ll be right back.”

“Okay, but then can we play?”

“Maybe.  I’ve got to do some things on my computer first.”

“Oh, okay,” Niall sounded disappointed, but not necessarily unhappy.  Liam listened to the two interact as he diced up green peppers, surprised to hear Niall talking so much.  He hadn’t spoken more than ten or fifteen words to Liam all day.  Liam was supposed to be his favorite.

After Zayn left the kitchen, Liam spoke to Niall.

“Once I finish chopping these up, we can play, bug.”

Niall was quiet for a moment, but eventually mumbled a quiet, “no, that’s okay.”

“Well, do you want to help me up here?  I know you like to cut veggies.”

“No, I um, I’m gonna go play with Louis maybe.”

Liam sighed and set down his knife, wiped his hands on a cloth, and turned around.

“Nialler, bud, what’s wrong?”

Niall stood next to the kitchen table and looked down at his hands.

“Nothing.”

Liam rolled his eyes and crouched in front of his son.

“Babe, please, tell me.  I know something’s bothering you, and unless you tell me what it is, I can’t help.”

Liam knew what was wrong, but he had to hear Niall say it first.  He needed the confirmation that he was upset and nervous around Liam because of Zayn letting him know about the incident between himself and Louis a few nights prior.

“Nothing is wrong, Daddy,” he mumbled and twisted his hands together in front of him.  Liam could feel a knot forming in his throat.  But he wouldn’t cry.

“Sweetheart,” Liam gently reached out to take one of Niall’s hand in his own larger one to stop him from fidgeting, “I know something is wrong.  Please, _please_ talk to me.  I just want to help, babe.  You know you can talk to me about anything.”

Niall was silent for several aching seconds before he finally, _finally_ , mumbled, “Baba said you hit Louis.”

Liam sighed heavily and dropped his head down.

“I did, sweetheart.  And I’m so, _so_ sorry for it.  Me and Louis talked about it, and its okay now.”

Niall looked up.  “But _why_ , Daddy?”

“It’s complicated, little love.  Me and Louis had been having a lot of fights, yeah?  And I was very stressed and very tired and he said some very mean things.  It doesn’t make it okay, because hitting is _never_ okay, and I regretted it as soon as it happened.  And I never wanted you to find out, because I knew you would be scared.  But please, _please,_ don’t be scared, babe.”

Niall sniffled.  “You said you would never hit us.”

Liam felt his eyes fill with tears.

“I know, baby.  I know.  And I didn’t ever want to, and I never ever will again.  He wasn’t hurt or anything, it wasn’t hard, and he’s alright.  He was just mad at me, and he’s not scared, right?  And you shouldn’t ever be scared of your dad, because I love you more than anything in the whole world, bug,” Liam sniffed and squeezed Niall’s hands gently, “I never ever want you to be scared of me.  I would never hurt any of you, you know that.”

“But you hurt Louis!”

“No, no, babe it didn’t hurt him.  It was just a little pat on his cheek, and he wasn’t hurt.  It doesn’t mean it was okay for me to do that, but I just want you to know that I didn’t really hurt him, okay?”

“Okay.”

“And I know you’re a bit nervous now, but that’s the last thing I ever wanted for you, baby boy.  I never ever want you to be scared in your own home,” the tears were spilling over onto his cheeks now, and his breath was coming shorter, “because you’re safe here.  I promise you, Niall James, you are safe here and no one here will ever, _ever_ hurt you.”

Niall was silent again, and Liam could hear his own heart beating in his ears.

“Okay,” was all the boy said.

“Okay?”  Liam sniffed, “feel any better?”

Niall nodded slightly.  So that was a no, then. 

“Can Daddy have a hug?”

Niall hesitantly stepped forward for Liam to wrap him in a gentle hug.  He stiffly wrapped his small arms around Liam’s neck before quickly stepping back.

“Can I go see Baba now?”

Liam sighed.  “Sure, babe.”

And then he was gone.

Liam pulled himself up into a chair at the kitchen table and dropped his head in his hands.

Even Niall hated him now.  His baby was afraid of him and didn’t want to be around him, and now preferred Zayn.  No matter what Liam did, he just ruined everything.  He ruined all the good things in his life.  He ruined his marriage and his relationships with his kids, and even his work.  His husband wanted nothing to do with him, his oldest son hated him, his middle son was now scared to be around him, and soon his youngest would be old enough to realize how shitty Liam was too.  He really had nothing going for him anymore.

He choked back a sob and tugged at his hair.  He couldn’t deal with this much longer.  And he certainly couldn’t deal with sitting through dinner with them all and watch Niall shy away from him and Zayn ignore him. 

He wiped his eyes and stood up, taking a deep breath and heading upstairs.  He heard Niall’s voice coming from inside Zayn’s office, so he knew his bedroom was free and Zayn was done changing.  He went in and shut the door behind him, dropping on the bed and pulling out his phone to send a text to Zayn asking him to finish dinner.  Once it was sent, he turned it off and opened his bedside drawer, took out two sleeping pills, and swallowed them.  He was getting better at taking them without water now, and he knew since he hadn’t eaten anything all day they would probably work faster, which was a blessing. 

As soon as he was on the bed, the tears really came.  He hugged his pillow and buried his face in the soft fabric to muffle his cries, but once they started they wouldn’t stop.  For the past few weeks he had felt as if he were on the edge of sobbing almost constantly, as though he could burst into tears at any moment.  Maybe if he just let it out for a while, he’d get it out of his system and feel a bit better.

Fat chance of that.

He just needed to sleep.  He knew he was weak for having to resort to this to avoid his problems, but it was the only immediate solution he could think of.  He pulled off his jeans and crawled under the covers, pulling the duvet over his head.  He should have thought to close the curtains to drown out some of the fading light from outside, but the world had already begun to spin and turn hazy. 

He was asleep in ten minutes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, I'm really sorry this took so long. I was on vacation (yay virginia beach) and got the WORST SUNBURN OF MY LIFE and basically didn't move for like 3 days. And tbh I just couldn't really get into this when I tried, so this chapter sucks and is pretty forced but the next will be better, I pinky swear. Love you all, my lil beans :)


	14. Chapter 14

The next time Liam woke up, he almost couldn’t feel his body.  It was still dark, so he knew it was nighttime, but he couldn’t turn his head to see the clock.  Though he couldn’t see much in the darkness, he still felt as if the room around him was spinning and tilting and it made his stomach roll.  He wiggled his toes, just to make sure he could feel them, and was relieved to find he could.  He slowly moved all of his limbs to come back to his body, but they all felt stiff and heavy and his head felt like it was floating.  And _god_ his mouth and throat were dry.  He needed some water, but getting up and going to the bathroom for a drink seemed like an impossible feat.

He figured taking too many sleeping pills over the last few days was really catching up to him, and he should take a break.

But he also wanted to the fuck back to sleep. 

He took a few minutes to build up the will and strength to grab himself a pill from the bottle in his bedside drawer, and during that time his eyes began to adjust to the dark.  He turned his head to look over at the other side of the bed and saw the outline of Zayn’s body huddled under the covers.  Maybe he would go get Liam some water.

 _No, he hates me_.

As Liam laid there, he thought about how badly he wanted a cuddle.  He would kill to be able to scooch over in the bed and snuggle up to Zayn like he used to when he couldn’t sleep.  He just wanted to feel Zayn’s warmth beside him and feel reassured that everything would be okay, even if it was messy at the moment, because they had each other. 

But Liam didn’t really have Zayn anymore.  But he wanted to.

Almost subconsciously, Liam’s hand slid along the mattress under the covers toward the other side of the bed, and gently patted around until he found Zayn’s.  Carefully, he slid his hand into Zayn’s and squeezed gently.  His husband was a heavy sleeper, so he didn’t have to worry about waking him, but he was careful just in case.  Holding Zayn’s hand felt nice; he hadn’t in so long and the small bit of comfort made him feel just a little bit better and a little bit less alone.

Too bad he had to do it sneakily while his husband was asleep.

After a while, Liam’s head was beginning to hurt and he was still thirsty.  The room had stopped spinning enough to allow him to get up and get himself a cup of water from the bathroom, which he drank quickly.  Before he laid back down in the bed, however, he took one more pill.

~*~

The next time he woke up, the sunlight coming through the window nearly blinded him.  His vision was hazy and his head felt light.  But the ache in his muscles – his whole body, really – was telling him he needed some more sleep.

The clock read 11:42 a.m.  Zayn must be with the boys, so it couldn’t hurt if Liam got another eight hours or so, right?

So he took two pills this time – he knew one wouldn’t be enough.

~*~

The next time it was dark again.  But not entirely dark – like the darkness that came near the end of a sunset.  Dusk. 

Zayn wasn’t in bed beside him, so he knew it couldn’t be too late.  But, since it was nighttime, he wasn’t going to just stay up all night alone.  He needed to go back to sleep.  Just for the night.  The next morning he would get up and shower and actually eat something, and he’d be fine.  He just needed a day of rest and he’d gotten it.

So he waited again, for the stiffness in his limbs and the spinning in his head to subside, then got up and got himself another cup of water, and two more pills.

~*~

He wasn’t sure the next time he woke up.  He flitted in and out of consciousness for what felt like several hours the next day, though he couldn’t entirely be sure how long it was.  He had no idea what time it was or how long he’d been asleep but he felt incredibly sick each time he woke up, only to fall back asleep against his will soon after. 

At one point, when he had woken up again, he really tried to force himself out of bed.  Mentally, he tried to wake himself up by trying to remember what day it was, though he couldn’t be entirely sure of that either.  He thought it was probably Sunday, but maybe Monday.  He didn’t know.  He literally did not know what day it was and that kind of scared him.

He tried so hard to force his eyes to stay open long enough for his foggy brain to clear so he could actually, finally, wake up.

He must have fallen asleep again, however, because he woke up to the sound of his bedroom door opening.  His half-conscious mind told him it was probably just Zayn coming in to grab something, but the presence of a small body beside the bed in front of him made him realize otherwise.

“Daddy?” The presence asked quietly.  It sounded like Niall.  It _must_ be Niall.   “Are you awake?”

“Uh huh,” was all he could manage.  Maybe if he could force himself to keep his eyes open long enough to actually talk to his son this would be easier.

“Are you okay?  Baba said you’re sick.”

Liam blinked his eyes rapidly in an attempt to wake himself up a bit more, and turned to look at the boy standing beside him.

“’M fine.”

“Are you sick?”

“Yeah, kinda.”

“Is it continuous?”

“What?”

“Continuous.  Like can I get it from you?  The sickness?”

Liam snorted a breathy laugh.

“Ya mean contagious, bud.  And no.”

“Okay, good.  Then can I cuddle with you?”

“Mhmm.”

“Cool!”  Niall pulled himself up onto the bed and awkwardly crawled over Liam’s body, kneeing him in the ribs, and curled up in the middle of the bed.  He laid his head on Liam’s shoulder after the man rolled to lie on his back. “You’ll feel better now, Daddy.”

“’M sure I will.”

“I’m gonna take a nap though, so I’m gonna be asleep.  But the cuddles will still help.”

“Hey, Ni?  Can you do me a favor before you get too comfy?” Liam mumbled.

“Sure, if it will help.”

“Could you get me a cup of water?”

“Yeah!  Hold on!” Niall crawled back off the bed and Liam heard his tiny footsteps go into the bathroom, then return a moment later.  Liam accepted the cup gratefully and drank some before lying back down where the blond had already climbed back on the bed.

“Okay, nap time!”  Niall whisper-shouted and placed a kiss on his father’s cheek before he laid down as well, this time pulling the blankets over his small body.

Liam hummed in acknowledgement and closed his heavy eyes.  It wasn’t until several minutes later that his sleepy mind realized Niall was acting normal with him again, and he felt a lump form in his throat.  His baby was back and cuddling him because he thought he was sick.  Thank _God_.

He snuggled his boy happily, and was back asleep less than ten minutes later.

~*~

The next time he was woken up was much less pleasant.

A voice calling his name pulled him out of his strange dreams and he immediately, subconsciously flinched away from the heavy hand on his shoulder.

“Liam! Hey relax it’s just me.”  Zayn said.  The older man was sitting on the edge of the bed next to Liam.

Liam was still trying to blink the blurriness out of his eyes to look at his husband properly when the man spoke again.

“Liam, what the _fuck_ is this?”  Zayn was holding something up in his hand.  All Liam could see was that it was white. 

“Dunno,” he mumbled honestly.  He wasn’t fully awake and Zayn’s voice just seemed so _loud._

“These are _sleeping pills_ Liam.” Oh.  Shit.  “What the _fuck_ are you doing with them?  I thought you were done with this shit.  You _promised_ me you were done and it wasn’t going to happen again.”

Liam closed his eyes and pulled the blanket over his head.

“Oh no, absolutely not.  Don’t get all immature and try to _literally hide_ from this, Liam.  Not now.  I am _so pissed_ and we are going to talk about this right now.  I figured I’d leave you in here to sort out your pouting thing, but two days is too long, yeah?  So what do I find when I come in to check on you?  Fucking sleeping pills right next to the god damn bed, Liam.  What do you think you’re _doing?_  You’re a _father_ now.  You can’t just be popping pills all the time to avoid any responsibility or inconvenience.”

“Go away,” was all he mumbled I response.

“Liam,” the change in Zayn’s voice surprised the younger man.  He sounded upset, but not angry.  More sad, or almost _hurt_.  “Liam, you can’t do this to me.  Not again, please.”

“Don’t wanna talk ‘bout it right now, Zee.”

“I know you don’t, but you never will.  This is important, Liam.  You were better for so long and now you’re addicted again and-“

Liam pulled the blanket off his face and glared at his husband.

“I was _not_ addicted.”

“Babe, yes you were.  Maybe not like chemically addicted to them, but mentally you were.  You know what I mean.  You were addicted to taking those things and it was so fucked up and I'm not going to let it happen again.  All you did was take pills and sleep for days on end and it made you sick as hell, babe.    And I know it’s just how you coped with everything but you can’t do that again.  You can’t try to cope by ignoring everything, you have kids who need you.”

Liam could feel the tears welling in his eyes.  He couldn’t do this right now.  He was tired and he felt sick and Zayn fucking caught him and he was pissed.  Nothing could ever go right for him.

“I was just so _tired_ , Zayn,” he said miserably.

“I know, Li.  You were always tired back then, too.  I should have seen it this time, I’m so sorry.  I know this is how you get when you're... ya know.  Depressed.”  That word was the last thing Liam wanted to hear, but deep down he knew it was true.  He was back where he was when he and Zayn had met.  Zayn was speaking much softer now, rubbing his hand over Liam’s hip in a soothing motion.  It was kind of nice.  Liam was starting to wake up now, though his head still felt light.  At least he could keep his eyes open.

A few stray tears rolled down Liam’s cheeks, but he didn’t say anything.  He didn’t know what _to_ say.  But that was fine because after a moment of hanging silence, Zayn spoke again.

"Show me your arms."

 Liam was taken aback.

"What?"

"Let me see them."

Liam instinctively pulled his arms in closer to his body.

"Why?"

Zayn sighed, "you know why."

"They're fine, Zayn."

"Please, for my own sanity, just let me see them to be sure."

 Liam sighed in defeat and help both his arms out for Zayn to examine. The older man gently held each of his forearms and looked them over. Nothing new, just old, faded, barely visible pink lines running horizontally across each one.

 "I wouldn't be that stupid now, Zayn."

"I know," Zayn said softly as he let Liam's arms fall back onto the bed, "I just... I needed to see for myself, okay?"

 "Yeah."

 Silence fell between them again, until Zayn was the one to break it.

“I know things have been a bit rough between us lately, but we can work on it better, alright?  Because taking these god damn pills and sleeping your life away and making yourself sick isn’t going to solve anything.  It didn’t in college, and it won’t now.  Especially when you have three boys depending on you who love you.  And I love you, and we can-“

Liam’s scoff cut him off.  He hadn’t even meant to do it, but there it was.  He wiped the tears from his face and rubbed his eyes to make them stop coming.

“What?” Zayn challenged him, the softness in his voice already fading. 

“Don’t lie to me, Zayn.”

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t try and tell me you love me.  At all.”  Liam pulled himself up into a sitting position and leaned back against the pillows.

“What the fuck?  Do you honestly think I don’t?” Zayn looked a cross between hurt and pissed, though Liam didn’t know which was worse.

“Why would I think you do?”

“Because I’m your husband?”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“I don’t know what you want from me Liam, but if a fight is what you’re looking for, I’m not taking the bait tonight.”

Liam sighed sadly.

“I just want you to love me again, Zayn.  Like you used to,” Liam sniffed and shrugged pitifully.  He didn’t want a fight either.  That just seemed to be how things naturally progressed with them lately.

“Liam, of course I love you.” While the words were sweet, the irritated tone of Zayn’s voice sent a sharp pain through Liam’s chest.

“Yeah, that’s obvious with how much you want to be around me the last year or so.  You love your job more than you love me, Zayn.  You don’t give a fuck how you make me feel, and every time we actually talk to each other, we end up fighting.  Arguing and ignoring each other isn’t a happy marriage where people _love_ each other.”

“So you’re saying you don’t love me, then.”  It wasn’t phrased as a question.

“God, no, Zayn, I love you so much but sometimes I wish I didn’t, because it feels awfully one sided.”

“Why, because we fight?  No marriage is perfect, Liam.”

“I know!  But that’s _all_ we do!  And you’re never around anymore and when you are it’s always so hostile!  I feel so fucking alone around here, Zayn. I’ve tried to tell you that before and you blow me off and act like I’m not important.” He wiped more tears off his cheek.  “You used to tell me I was important every day so I wouldn’t forget.”

“Of course you’re important.  Just because I don’t always tell you doesn’t mean you’re not.”

“I can count on one hand the amount of times you’ve told me you loved me in the past three months.”

Zayn rolled his eyes.

“Li, you’re being crazy, okay?  Just because-“

“I am _not crazy!_ ”

“Stop cutting me off!”

“Stop being a jerk!”

Zayn sighed angrily and stood up, running a hand roughly through his hair.

“Fine, fine.  Just, listen to me, okay?  I love you.  You’re my husband, and I love you.  I love our kids.  If I made you doubt that, I’m sorry, but I do.”

“Wow, yep, that solved everything.”

“What else do you _want from me?_ ”

“I don’t know!  For you to actually be around sometimes?  And spend time with me and our kids?  And treat me like your husband instead of an inconvenience?  If you want to be with someone else, stop dragging this out and just tell me already because I really can’t deal with this anymore.”

“You think there’s someone else?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“But it’s what you think.”

“I don’t know what I think.  But I do know you normally can’t go more than two or three days without sex, and you certainly haven’t been getting it from me.  You haven’t even _tried_ to have sex with me in over three months.”

Zayn just stared at him with his eyebrows pulled together in a combination of anger and confusion.

“You… You actually think I would _cheat on you_?”

“That’s the logical link, isn’t it?  You’re never around, don’t want anything to do with me, spend long hours _at the office_ and come home late every night, and haven’t touched me in months.  What else am I supposed to think, Zayn?”

Zayn sat back down on the edge of the bed and dropped his head into his hands.

“Oh my god you think I’m cheating on you.”

“Not actively, but it’s been in the back of my mind.  I’ve been kind of repressing it because I didn’t even want to think of it as a possibility but… Zayn, if you are just tell me so we can get this over with.”

When Zayn looked back up at Liam, his eyes were full of tears and he looked so _hurt_ Liam almost felt bad for the accusation.  Almost.

“You really think I’d cheat on you, and that I don’t love you?  Like, really?  Liam, babe, _no_.  Oh my god, _never._  Not ever, Liam.”

Liam was quiet and looked down at his hands, fiddling with the edge of the duvet.

“Liam, jaan, I’m sorry I ever made you think that, okay?  God, I am so sorry.”  He moved closer to Liam, reaching up to take one of Liam’s hands in his own.

Liam smiled sadly but didn’t look up.

“There’s a name I haven’t heard in a while.”

“Jaan?”

“Mhmm.”

Zayn brought Liam’s hand up to kiss his knuckles.

“I love you, _jaan_.  So, so fucking much.”

“Promise?”

“Forever and ever.”

Liam smiled more sincerely and looked up at Zayn through his eyelashes.

“I love you too, Zaynie.”

The older man laughed quietly and shook his head.

“When’s the last time you ate, babe?”

Liam thought for a moment.

“I don’t even know.”

“Alright, then, let’s go get you something.  We already had dinner, so we can heat something up for you, okay?  I can bring it in here for you if you want.”

“That’d be great.”

“Good.  We can talk about this more another time, okay?  Right now you just need to try and feel a bit more normal.  I remember how sick you felt last time.”

Liam nodded and gave Zayn a small, sad smile.

“Okay, I’ll be back.”

Zayn stood up and placed a kiss on Liam’s head, whispered one more _I love you_ into his hair, and left the room.

As soon as he was gone, Liam flopped back over on the bed and sighed.  He didn’t know if he felt better or not.  It was nice that Zayn apologized, and tried to convince Liam again that he loved him, but Liam didn’t know if he believed him, even if Zayn believed himself.  He didn’t think Zayn loved him anymore, even if Zayn didn’t know it yet.  But hearing it was still nice.  He didn’t feel much better, really, but maybe things would get better.  Maybe.  But maybe Zayn was just saying and doing what he thought he should in out of guilt.  Maybe.

When Zayn got back to the room with a hot bowl of leftover spaghetti, Liam expected him to leave again.  But he crawled right in bed with Liam and flipped on the TV.

“I’m bribing Louis to look after the little guys for a while.  Told him I’d cut a week off his punishment with his phone and Xbox.”

Liam hummed in acknowledgement and took a bite of the spaghetti while Zayn looked for something to watch.

The evening passed nicely, with the couple watching TV together until they decided to go to bed.  After Liam had finished his pasta, Zayn had taken the dishes back downstairs and came back ready to cuddle, which made Liam’s heart flip.  Even though it had only lasted about 20 minutes, before they had had to go tuck the younger boys into bed, it had been the best 20 minutes of Liam’s whole week.  He even got a three kisses on the top of his head while they watched _Fixer Upper_ , not that he was counting.

He totally was.

When they went to bed, though Liam had slept for two days straight, he was still exhausted and ready to go back to sleep.  The sleeping pills were still very present in his system and he was nearly asleep by the time Zayn turned off the light.  He almost didn’t feel the kiss Zayn placed on his cheek before he laid down himself.

“Night, jaan.”

Liam smiled, “goodnight.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did this one all in one sitting, for once, yay. This was a little more depressing, but the ending was happy! Kind of. The next chapter will be a little special so beware. Also, jaan is an urdu pet name that means "my life" or "my heart". I read it once in a fic like 2 years ago and I'm like obsessed with it now and I totally think Zayn would call Liam that bc its hella cute.  
> ***ok i edited this chapter to try and better explain a few things, and to fix the formatting which I didn't realize was all messed up. Sorry for anyone who already struggled through reading it the way it was before, you're a champ!


	15. Zayn and Liam

Zayn and Liam met in college, in the most cliché way possible.  Zayn had made _several_ jokes throughout their relationship that they should have made it into yet another university love story and cast someone ridiculous to play them both. 

They met at a party, and they were both drunk.

Zayn had been a member of the Delta Phi fraternity on campus, since freshman year.  While partying hadn’t really been his thing in high school, he had decided that when he got to uni he would force himself the enjoy it.  And he did.  Beer, weed, and steamy make out sessions in his bedroom with random people became his weekly routine. 

Liam was the opposite.  He was introverted and shy almost to a fault.  His only friend on campus had been his freshman year roommate Andy, who had gone to live off campus with his girlfriend their sophomore year and Liam hardly ever saw him.  The stress of school work had beaten him down into a constant state of panic and anxiety, and the loneliness had mixed with that to stamp him down into a depression so deep he hardly ever left his bedroom at all. 

Liam’s sophomore year, and Zayn’s junior, Andy had finally reached out to Liam for the first time that semester and invited him to a frat party off the edge of campus.  Liam begrudgingly agreed, if only because he was afraid if he declined, Andy wouldn’t bother to invite him to anything again. 

So he’d found himself standing awkwardly in the overcrowded living room of the Delta Phi house with a cliché red solo cup of beer in his hand alone.  Andy had gone off to talk to a few of his other friends almost as soon as they had walked in, and Liam had yet to see him again.  He had decided to give it another ten minutes or so to see if his friend would reappear before he called it quits and headed back to his dorm. 

Halfway through that ten minutes, though, he changed his mind entirely.  Why waste a perfectly good opportunity to get rip roaring drunk and forget his issues?

An hour later he had found himself on the back porch, trying to get some air to calm his spinning head.  He hardly noticed the other figure on the porch a few feet away, puffing on a cigarette. 

“What’re you _doing?_ ” he had slurred at the blurry figure.

The figure huffed out a laugh.

“Havin’ a smoke, mate, what are _you_ doing?”

“Don’t ya know s’bad for ya?”

“Yeah, but what isn’t now days?”

Liam had laughed at that, because how right he was.

“So, you didn’t tell me what you’re doing.  Just come out here to stand and judge my life choices, did ya?” The figure stepped closer, and the soft light coming from the open door behind them lit up his face just enough for Liam to see he was fucking _gorgeous._

“No!”

“Then what?”

“Needed air be-... cause m’friend,” he stumbled

“Your friend what?”

“Gone.”

“He’s gone?”

“Yep. Walked away, he did.”

“He left you all alone in this state?  Doesn’t seem like such a good friend.”

“Wasn’t like it when he left me.”

“Well, either way, I think you need some water, mate.”

“Maybe.”

“Didn’t catch your name?”  The handsome stranger extended his hand for a shake.

Liam shakily took it and gave it a squeeze.

“Liam.”

“Zayn.”

“You’re so pretty, Zayn.”  And _God had he said that out loud_?

Zayn laughed loudly and held onto Liam’s hand, leading him back toward the door.

“Well, thank you, _Liam_ , you’re pretty cute yourself.  Let’s get you some water now, yeah?”

“Okay, but only if you keep holding my hand.”

“Oh trust me, I’m not letting you go now.”

Zayn got Liam a cup of water, and suggested they go up to his room and away from the party for a while until Liam sobered up enough to go home.  It took all of about 20 minutes for Liam’s pants to come off. 

When he woke up in the morning, he almost panicked.  He wasn’t sure where he was or why he was in a  stranger’s bed but by the soreness in his body and the fact that they were both _naked_ he knew he must have had sex.  Which Liam didn’t _do_.  He didn’t do casual hook ups or one night stands and here he was _naked_ in some stranger’s bed with said stranger latched onto him.  And Jesus, his head was killing him.

He gently tried to slide himself out of the other boy’s hold, but to his horror, the other boy woke up.   He first tightened his arm around Liam, then rolled on his back and stretched.

“Leaving me so soon, babe?”

Liam sat up and looked around the floor for his pants.  Or shirt.  Or boxers.  Anything, really.

“Listen, I’m sorry, um… Zack?  I just… I have to go.”

The boy smiled sadly.

“It’s Zayn, actually.”

“Oh, shit!  I’m sorry, really, I don’t do this, like, _ever_ and I’m sorry to just run but-“

“No, its fine,” Zayn cut him off with a raise of his hand, “I figured you’d be gone by the time I woke up, honestly.  You said about a hundred times last night you don’t do this.”

  
“Really, Zayn, I’m sorry.  You seem nice and all and I hate to be _that guy_ to just run out but I can’t be here.”

“Yeah.  I get it.  It’s fine. There’s um… there are bagels on the counter if you wanna grab one of your way out.”

Liam smiled tightly as he pulled his jeans on and threw on his shirt.

“Thanks, Zayn.”

He slept for the rest of the day in his dorm room.

~*~

Liam didn’t think he’d hear from Zayn again, and he was fine with that.  He would have been perfectly happy never seeing the other boy again.  However, during his drunken night at the frat house, he must have given Zayn his number.  Over the next few days, he received several texts from an unknown number asking Liam if he would be available to get coffee or something after class.  Liam ignored him.

That was, until almost a week after the party when there was a knock at his door.  Assuming it was an RA or someone collecting change for a club on campus.  He was unpleasantly surprised to find it was Zayn.

“Uh, hey,” he said awkwardly, his hands in his pockets.

“Um, hi,” Liam mumbled back, “how did you like, find me?”

“Right, um,” Zayn scratched the back of his neck, “my mate knows Andy, and I got him to find out where you lived so I could come over and… this is creepy isn’t it?”

Liam chuckled.

“Yeah, maybe a little.”

Zayn blushed.  Liam had to admit, he found it _adorable_.

“It’s just like… I know I should take a hint because you never texted me back, but I wanted to see you again.  You’re… I liked hanging out with you and thought maybe you wouldn’t mind hanging out again?”

“You mean you liked having sex, and want to have sex again.”

“No! No, no I mean I would really like to just hang out with you.  Hands to myself and everything.  We could just like, get lunch at the dining hall?”  The blush was spreading and Liam was _loving it._

“Okay, yeah, I could do that.”

Zayn beamed.

“Great!  Okay, I’m free for lunch time tomorrow if that works?  Or if not I could skip class one day when you’re free and we could go, it would be okay I’ve had good attendance otherwise.”

Liam giggled, “no, don’t skip your class, tomorrow works fine.”

“Cool!  Okay, so, I’ll meet you there?  Like, over by the grill?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you there, Zayn.”

“Okay!  Bye, Liam!”

~*~

Lunch had gone well, so they decided to make it a _thing._   Every Tuesday and Thursday they ate lunch together in between classes, and Liam learned a lot about Zayn.  That he had wanted to be an art major, but his parents had tried their best to coax him in a different direction while still being supportive, because they thought he should choose a field with more of a guaranteed job.  In the end, they settled on a marketing major with a minor in fine arts, so of course Liam’s first question was if Zayn would draw him.  Zayn agreed easily.

While Liam loved getting to know Zayn and looked forward to their lunches, he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Things never went well for him, and especially not this well.  He was a mess, his life was a mess, and once Zayn figured that out he would drop Liam on his ass so fast his head would spin.  But he figured a few lunches a week couldn’t hurt too much.

Until a particularly warm day when Liam wore short sleeves, and Zayn saw the red lines on his arm.  Things tumbled quickly downhill from there.  He locked himself in his room for the entire weekend and ignored the many incoming texts he received, along with three calls.  He knew they were all Zayn, and he didn’t want to talk to him anymore.  He didn’t want to hear Zayn tell him he was a freak and he was too depressing to be around and that he didn’t want to have lunch with him anymore.

But Zayn showed up to his room again, this time with a bag of Chinese food and a shy smile, asking if Liam wanted to talk about it.  So they talked.  They talked for hours, sitting on the carpet of Liam’s room, eating noodles and egg rolls and sesame chicken.  Liam told Zayn about hurting himself and not taking his meds and taking so many sleeping pills just so he wouldn’t have to be awake and the number of times a day he thought about killing himself, but knowing he would never have the balls to do it.  He talked about how much he hated himself and how alone and anxious he felt and how he _just wanted to go home_ but college was important and he wouldn’t get anywhere without it.

Zayn listened patiently and patted Liam’s knee when he would get tearful, and he told him how incredibly sorry he was that he felt that way. 

“You know, maybe if you had a nice boyfriend who really liked you, you’d feel a little less lonely,”  he mumbled, fiddling with Liam’s fingers and not looking up at the younger boy.

Liam laughed humorlessly.

“You don’t want me, Zayn.”

“Says who?”

“Says me?  Trust me.  It might seem easy now to sit and listen while I ramble on but after a while you’ll get annoyed and sad and you won’t want to be around me anymore.  I’m speaking from experience, okay?  Just… being friends is fine.  But I don’t think you know what you’d be getting into.”

“I do know, and I don’t care, Liam.  You’re like… amazing, okay?  And it breaks my heart that you feel like this and I want to help, I do, and I will as much as I can if you’ll let me, yeah?”

“Zayn, I don’t want to drag you down with this okay?  I’m not your responsibility.”

“At least let me be there as a friend when you need me, okay?  If you don’t want to like, date me, that’s fine.  But I still like you and don’t want you to be alone, and I’ll be here for you for anything.”

Liam smiled sadly.

“You say that now, but it won’t last.”

“Let me prove you wrong.”

And he did. 

Zayn texted Liam all the time, and the two started hanging out in Liam’s room a lot after class.  They played Xbox and did homework and just about everything else together on Liam’s good days, and Zayn brought him food from the dining hall and let him vent on his bad days.  On his particularly bad days, Zayn respected Liam’s need to be alone.  As someone who had spent most of the last two years alone, suddenly having someone there all the time was a bit overwhelming at first, and he needed time a lone to decompress.  But Zayn was never too far away when Liam texted him he needed him. 

It was a few months before Zayn gained the courage to kiss Liam.  He didn’t know how it would be received, but to his relief Liam seemed even more into it than Zayn was.  That was the night Zayn asked Liam, again, to be his boyfriend, and this time, Liam happily accepted. 

The two boys became inseparable after that.  Zayn brought Liam back to the Delta Phi house and introduced him to all the guys, and Liam introduced Zayn to Andy.  Zayn slept over a few nights a week in Liam’s dorm, and while Liam wasn’t that comfortable sleeping over at Zayn’s, he did go over for dinner and football games and the occasional party, where he spent the night tucked up under Zayn’s arm as the older boy milled around and talked to the people he knew. Zayn even introduced Liam to the wonders of weed, and the two would spend hours sitting in Zayn's room, blowing smoke from a joint out the window when Liam was stressed or anxious. He had been against drugs, but he was surprised to find it really helped calm him down. Well, the weed and Zayn.  

Zayn was endlessly patient with Liam when he had bad days, and he helped him find ways to cope with his mood swings and reminded him to take his meds.  He coaxed him away from the sleeping pills altogether, though it took quite a while for him to let go of them.  He even helped get Liam in touch with a counselor on campus, since Zayn was really qualified to help Liam as much as he wanted to.  Overall he treated Liam like a prince, and constantly told him how much he loved him and how beautiful and important he was so he would never forget. 

It wasn’t until after more than six months of dating that Zayn found out that Liam liked to sing.  It was something he had let go of when the depression set in, along with a lot of the fun things he used to enjoy.  One evening, while the two were trying their best to make some spaghetti and meatballs in the lacking Delta Phi kitchen, one of Liam’s old favorite Usher songs came on, and he started to sing along as he stirred the pot. 

“I didn’t know you could sing like that,” Zayn whispered as he slid up behind Liam after the song ended.

“I guess.  I used to sing all the time.  My dad got me little gigs in pubs and stuff back home.  I kinda miss it.”

“Why did you stop?”

“Just lost interest I guess.”

“Well, I think you should gain your interest back because you sounded amazing,” Zayn said sweetly and kissed the side of Liam’s neck and made him blush.

“Well of course you say that, you’re my boyfriend.”

“If you sounded like a bloody dying cat, I’d let you know it, jaan.”

“Wow, thanks.”

“But you didn’t!  You should sing for me sometime.  And I’ll draw you.”

Liam turned in his arms and dabbed a small drop of sauce on Zayn’s nose.

“Maybe if you’re lucky.”

“Oh trust me, I’m already lucky.”

That was when Zayn knew Liam was getting better, even if just a little.  It was a start, and he was so happy to see his beautiful boyfriend feeling better and seeing his eyes just a little brighter.  Liam’s parents were grateful too, and never let Zayn forget that. 

By the time Zayn graduated almost 2 years later, Liam was almost entirely back to his old self.   He still took hid meds, but he didn’t need counseling anymore and he rarely had bad days, which were much less bad than they had been.  But in general, Liam was happier than he had ever been.  He had Zayn and had made a few more friends from his classes and his boyfriend had just graduated and he was excited for them to start a life together for real one day. 

A few months after graduation, Zayn had landed a job working as an assistant for a CEO of a marketing firm downtown, and with his salary and Liam’s part time job working at the information desk on campus, they were able to get a shitty apartment together not far from campus.  The heating didn’t always work very well and the lighting sucked and the hot water ran out fast, but they loved it because it was theirs and they were there together.  Plus, they didn’t need heat when they had each other to snuggle with, and conserved hot water by showering together.  And they were so blissfully happy.

Liam’s senior year went well enough and he managed to graduate with honors with a degree in English and a minor in business management.  He wasn’t really sure what he was going to do with that, but Zayn assured him they’d figure it out.

Zayn proposed to Liam in his cap and gown after his graduation, while Liam’s parents snapped endless pictures of the two of them.  They hung the best one in a frame over the couch in their apartment. 

Liam got a proper job as a proofreader at a small publishing company, and Zayn quickly advanced at his own job until three promotions later, they were able to get a better apartment downtown.  When they weren’t at work, they were obsessively planning their wedding and their future together and daydreaming what their kids would be like.  Liam had wanted a cat first, as _practice_ he claimed, but Zayn knew it was an excuse to get a cat.  Unfortunately, their apartment building didn’t allow pets.

A year after the wedding and the couple was moving into a big house in the suburbs in preparation for a proper family.  Kids needed open back yards and safe streets and places to play, so they found the perfect place not _too_ far from work, they both got a car, and they started applying for looking for adoption agencies.

Zayn wasn’t some superhuman being who swooped in and singlehandedly saved Liam, but he was still Liam’s hero.  He helped Liam more than anyone else had even tried to, and he helped Liam help himself.  He had never thought he would be as happy as he was when they got the key to their first apartment, or when Zayn asked him to marry him, or when he heard him say _I do._   Zayn was his hero, who saved him from himself, and he was the love of his life he never thought he’d find. 

But ten years later, and he’d kill to have that Zayn back again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG OMG.  
> I moved back into school and everything has been super hectic and I haven't really had time to sit down and write, so I had to do bits and pieces which I really prefer not to do. There was a lot I wanted to include in this chapter, but I had to make it as short as possible to avoid it becoming it's own full length fic. soooooo here it is, how cute little cliche college boys met and fell in love :) hope you liked it!


	16. Chapter 16

When Liam woke up the next morning, the bed beside him was cold and empty, telling him Zayn had already left for work.  There was, however, the heavy, warm weight toward the foot of the bed.

“Loki,” he whisper-called.  The dog’s head popped up.  “C’mere, boy.”

Loki immediately wiggled his way over to Liam and licked at the man’s chin.  Liam laughed.

“Good morning, puppy.  What are you doing in here?  Did you leave Louis all by himself?”

The dog responded by nuzzling his nose under Liam’s chin and wagging his tail.

“What time is it?  Should we get up, or have a lie in?”  Liam looked over at the clock, and was shocked to see it was a little after 10 a.m.  “Wow, shit, okay, guess we’re getting up then.”

He ruffled the dog’s ears before he sat up and stretched.  When he unplugged his phone from the power cable, it was blinking with a new message from Zayn.

**7:13 a.m.**

_Figured I’d let u sleep in a little bit, got the boys breakfast.  Be home around 4 or 5. Love u!_

Liam smiled and replied with a quick _thanks, love u too!_ And headed downstairs with Loki trotting along behind him.

When he got to the living room, the sight of his boys in front of him made him stop and just watch with so much love and fondness, trying not to disturb them.  Niall was laying on the floor on his belly, coloring book and crayons strewn around him as he colored what appeared to be a blue and orange tree.  Louis was sitting cross legged on the couch with tiny Harry settled in his lap with a picture book open in front of them.  Harry was mumbling out loud, telling Louis the story in the book.  Harry liked to “read”, though his toddler version of that was making up a story to go along with the pictures in the book with his limited vocabulary.  And Louis was listening so careful and intently, prompting Harry by pointing at illustrations on the page and asking “ _what’s that?  What’s he doing?”_ to keep his little brother going.  The television played quietly in the background, though Liam was sure no one was paying much attention anyway.

 _God,_ he loved them.

Though Liam stopped to watch, Loki kept trotting right into the room and went directly to Niall to lick the boy’s face, making him squeal and laugh.  He sat up on his knees to hug the dog’s neck and whisper words Liam couldn’t hear to his four-legged friend.

Liam laughed and stepped into the room.

“Good morning, babies.”

“Daddy!”  Niall screamed and stood up and threw himself at Liam, who caught him and swung him up into a hug.

“Hi, bud!” Liam kissed his cheek.

“Daddy!”  Harry called from Louis’ lap and held his arms in the air to be picked up.  Liam set Niall on one hip and lifted Harry up with his other arm, pressing a kiss to the chocolate curls he loved.

“Good morning, baby bear.  Having a good morning?”

Instead of either of them answering his question, Niall wrapped himself around Liam as much as possible and kissed his cheek.

“I haven’t seen you in forever, Daddy, are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, babe, a bit better, thank you,” Liam sat on the opposite end of the couch from Louis, and both younger boys settled comfortably in his lap.

“That’s good, Baba was boring.  He didn’t play with us very much, but he got pizza!  I love pizza.”

“I know you do, kiddo.”

Niall hummed reached across to hold Harry’s hand.

“Harry didn’t like the pizza because it had weird vegetables on it but I helped him take them off!”

“They weren’t weird, they were peppers and onions,” Louis commented.

“Well, whatever, I still helped.”

“That was nice of you, bud,” Liam pushed his blond hair back.

“Louis cut his pizza for him, and cut his spaghetti when we had spaghetti because I think Baba forgot.  He was very busy.”

“Busy with what?”  Liam looked up at him from where he’d been watching Harry fiddle with the collar of his dad’s shirt.

“He was on the phone a lot when we were eating dinner and right after because there was work stuff, he said.”

“Ah, I see.  Baba’s a busy guy, huh?  Did I miss anything else?”

“Tell him about your tooth, Ni,” Louis said and smiled.

“Oh!  Daddy look, it’s loose!”  Niall squirmed around to face Liam better, and opened his mouth and wiggled his tooth with his finger.  “It’s gonna come out soon!”

“Aw, bug that’s so cool!”

“I know!  I can’t wait for it to come out so I can catch the tooth fairy!  Louis said he would help me.”

Liam laughed and looked up at Louis who was smiling.  At least there was someone Louis actually liked.

“That sounds fun, but you better be careful.  I hear she brings weapons in case little boys like you try to trap her.”

“She won’t hurt me, she’s a fairy, she’s nice.”

“If you say so, little man.”

“I do say so.  Also, Daddy, Louis said he would go with me and Harry to the playground so we can go on the swings, is that okay?”

Liam thought about it.  He couldn’t see a reason why not.  The playground he was talking about was only a block away from their house, and Louis was very good about keeping an eye on the younger boys when they went out. 

“Yeah, sure.  But why don’t we wait until after lunch, so you don’t get hungry while you’re there?”

“Good idea!”

“And only if Louis promises to take the walkie-talkie in case there’s a problem.”

“What?”  Louis whined, “Come on, we haven’t had to use them since I was like ten!”

“I know, but since you’re going to have both of them, and you don’t have your cell phone, you need a way to talk to me if something happens.”

Louis sighed, “fine, whatever.”

“Good boy,” Liam winked at him and Louis rolled his eyes.

The rest of the day went surprisingly well.  Liam had some time to himself while they boys were gone, and he got a few very bored Snapchats from Zayn throughout the day about how bad he _really didn’t want to go to this meeting, SOS_.  Liam sent back a few of him making silly faces with Niall and Harry, all of which Zayn took screenshots of.  It was nice actually talking to Zayn while he was at work, even if it was just little updates here and there.

He was sure Zayn was acting differently because of the events of the night before, and he was sure it wouldn’t last very long, but he would enjoy it while he could.  He’d take anything he could get.

Around 4:30, Liam heard Zayn’s car pull into the driveway and two small sets of feet thundering across the hardwood and over to the front door to greet Baba.  It had been a while since he had gotten home from work on time, and apparently the little guys were almost as excited as Liam was. 

When Zayn walked through the door, he had his work bag as well as a brown paper bag in hand as he bent down to hug the boys.  He set his work bag by the door and propped Harry on his hip as he kicked off his shoes and shut the door.

“Hello, hello, family, Baba has returned,” he called.

Liam smiled and walked over to kiss Zayn’s cheek in greeting.

“Well you’re in a good mood today.  How was work?”

“Ugh, stupid.  But what else is new, right?  How was your day?”

“Good.  What’s that?”  Liam pointed to the brown paper bag still in his hand.  Zayn just handed it to Liam to open for himself.  He opened it to find a rather large bottle of wine. Liam was surprised.

“We’re putting that monster together after dinner,” Zayn pointed to the big box holding Harry’s new bed where it had been sitting by the stairs, “and I figured we could use this.”

Liam laughed and kissed Zayn happily.  “Yeah, this will definitely help.”

Zayn smiled and adjusted Harry more comfortably on his hip, who had whined when no one was paying attention to him. 

“Also, I’ve decided we’re ordering in tonight.  You’re taking a night off from cooking and we’re going to eat Chinese food, watch a movie, send the kids to bed, and drink.”

“Does pinot noir go with sesame chicken?” Liam laughed.

Zayn shrugged, “who cares?”

Liam laughed again, “yeah, alright, you’re right.  That sounds _perfect_ , babe.”

“Good!  Now take this thing so I can go change,” Zayn handed Harry over to Liam, patted Liam’s bum and headed upstairs.  Liam didn’t stop smiling for one second as he took the wine into the kitchen to put it away.

All three boys were excited to find out they were ordering Chinese food for dinner.  Louis and Niall picked out a movie, Wreck-It Ralph, and the family settled down on the living room floor to watch it while they ate their late dinner.  Harry made a hell of a mess getting rice _everywhere_ , but Zayn told Liam not to worry about it (which, he really tried, but he couldn’t just _not care_ ). 

After dinner had been cleaned up, they sent Niall and Harry to bed, and Louis shut himself in his room.  They put Harry in their own bed for the night, as they’d be trying to put his new bed together in his room.  Niall has fussed that it wasn’t fair that Harry got to sleep in Daddy and Baba’s bed and he didn’t, so they let him crawl into their big bed with Harry for the night.  Once they were sure the little guys were asleep, they lugged the huge box upstairs into Harry’s room, got the toolbox from under the sink, and headed back upstairs with the bottle of wine and two glasses. 

One hour and three large glasses of wine later, and the couple was surrounded by pieces of wood and screws, and were beyond confused.  Less than half of the bed frame had been put together and they’d been searching for the same piece for ten minutes.

“It says ‘insert plank A into cuff H’,” Zayn said, eyebrows drawn together as he stared at the instruction manual, “there is no cuff H!  Cuff H is a lie!”

Liam laughed loudly and covered his mouth with his hand to muffle the noise.

“Maybe they did it just to confuse you.”

“Probably!  Give me the bottle, I’m cutting out the middle man here.  Using a glass is overrated.”

Liam laughed again and handed Zayn the bottle, which he quickly took a swig from.

“Know what I just realized?” Zayn asked.

“Hmm?”

“We probably should have gotten the crib out of here before we tried to put the new bed together.”

“Fuck, you’re right.”  Liam snatched the bottle from Zayn and took a long drink.

“Hey!  Watch your mouth or ya grounded!”

“Babe…” Liam slurred just _slightly_.  He hadn’t drank alcohol in a long time, “Babe, ‘member the bookshelf?”

“Don’t even _talk_ about the bookshelf!”

“I’m sorry!”  Liam laughed, “I thought I did a good job!”

“There were pieces missing, Liam!  How could that not have been a warning sign?”

“I dunno… I thought they were extra in case you lost one!”

Zayn laughed and took another drink from the bottle, “you are something else, jaan.”

“I did my best.”

Zayn giggled.  Actually _giggled._ “You’re just lucky you’re so cute.”

“Aw, I’m cute?”  Liam scooched over closer to Zayn and laid his head on his shoulder.

“The cutest, babe,” Zayn said and tilted Liam’s head up to kiss him softly.

Liam hummed against his lips happily. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Li.”

“I think you’re done readin’ the instructions, so lemme try.  You’re not gettin’ us anywhere,” Liam sat up and took the instruction booklet from Zayn.

He squinted at the paper.

“These aren’t even in English! ‘S like Swedish or some shit.”

Zayn laughed and took the booklet back from Liam.  “Babe, no, you’re just drunk.”

“I’m not even tha’ drunk, Zee, I can read.”

“No, obviously you can’t,” Zayn laughed, “here, lemme read it to you. It says, ‘insert plank A into cuff H, and place piece 14 over the hole and screw into place.”

“I’ll screw _you_ into place,” Liam winked.  Zayn laughed and swatted at Liam’s arm.

“You’re horrible, build the bed and shush.”

“’M tryna build the bed but ya can’t find the piece we need so I’m going to jus’ chug til ya find it.”

“No, wait, don’t finish it I need more.”

“You have to be drunk to deal with me?  Ouch.” Liam flopped over onto his side on the carpet.

Zayn chuckled, “babe, no, I need to be drunker to deal with this pile of foreign bullshit that exists to torment me.”

Liam sat up and handed him the bottle, “if ya can use words like ‘torment’ you do need to be drunker.”

Zayn took the bottle from Liam and drank.

They passed the bottle back and forth a few times until Liam’s head was spinning, and he refused another drink.

“Zayn, why ya tryna get me drunk?  Gon’ take avan-… vantage of me?”

“No, I bet _you’re_ the one tryna t’ get in ma pants, Li.”

“Ew, no.”

“Ew?”

“Yuck,” Liam giggled behind his hands, “you’re _gross_.”

“Well, even if ‘m gross I still think you’re so cute.”

“Aw, Zaynie!”

“Come here,” Zayn giggled and pulled at the hem of Liam’s shirt, who slid over closer to Zayn, “Wanna give ya some kisses.”

Liam giggled back and felt the head creep up his neck as Zayn rested one hand on the side of Liam’s face, then pulled him in to kiss him deeply.

If Liam hadn’t felt so loose and light from the alcohol, he’d probably feel a bit stiff and awkward.  It had been _so long_ since Zayn had kissed him like this he almost forgot what to do.  Almost.

When they pulled apart, Zayn leaned his forehead against Liam’s and kept his hand on the side of this face, closing his eyes.  Of course, Liam’s drunk mouth had to ruin the nice moment.

“Why haven’t you kissed me in so long?”

Zayn sighed softly and rubbed his thumb over Liam’s cheek.

“Because ‘m stupid and I suck."

“No, Zayn, really.  You never kiss me anymore.”

“I dunno, babe.  ‘M sorry.  Been dumb lately.”

“At least ya know it.”

Zayn laughed quietly and kissed Liam again, shorter and softer this time.

“Love kissin’ you though.”

Liam smiled and pressed forward to kiss Zayn again.

“Missed you.”

Zayn pulled back, trailing his hand down to interlace his fingers with Liam’s. 

“I didn’t go anywhere, nerd.”

Liam laid his head back on Zayn’s shoulder and squeezed his hand.

“Missed this you.  You’ve not been my Zayn lately.  Love _my_ Zayn.”

“’M always your Zayn.”

“No, you’ve been different.”

“I know.”

“Why?”

“I dunno.  I’m trying, though, okay? It’ll be better now.”

“Because you feel guilty?”

“I do, but that’s not why.  I want to be better for you again.  And for the boys.  I want you to be happy again.”

Liam smiled and tucked his face into the side of Zayn’s neck, who wrapped an arm around Liam’s waist.

“I’m happy right now.”

“Good,”  Zayn kissed the top of his head, “stay that way, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They were quiet for a while, sitting on the floor snuggled together.  Zayn occasionally kissed Liam’s head, or Liam would press a kiss to the side of Zayn’s neck.  It was nice, but Liam’s head was still spinning.

“This bed is not going to put itself together,” Zayn mumbled after a few minutes.

Liam groaned, “too drunk, I give up.  We can do it tomorrow.”

Zayn chuckled and kissed Liam’s hair.

“So, then can we make out some more?”

“God, yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I'm sorry that this A) took so long, and B) is terrible. I know it's not very well done but I've had NO TIME to work on it and I did it in a rush, but at least it's happier! I'm going to try to aim for updates on Fridays, but who knows at this point? Thanks for sticking with it, though, guys, I know it's been a pain.


	17. Chapter 17

When Liam woke up, he was immediately aware of how stiff his neck was.  His head was angled up awkwardly and laying on something oddly firm, and not at all how he remembered his pillow feeling at any point in his life.  And _God_ , his mouth was dry. 

He groaned and rolled to the side and tried to tuck his face into the pillow – or whatever his head was resting on – but the thing moved.  And groaned.  And was he on a… carpet?  Did they fall asleep on the floor?

“Zayn?” he mumbled sleepily.

Zayn hummed in response.  It rumbled against Liam’s head and thrummed through his skull.  So _that_ was his pillow.  His sleepy brain made him smile to himself at the thought.  He missed snuggling with Zayn like this.  Cute little husband pillow. 

“Zayn… time?”

“Dunno… wait _fuck!_ ” Zayn’s sudden movement as he sat up knocked Liam’s head off his stomach where it had been resting and he yelped in shock and pain.  “Shit, sorry, babe.”

“What’s wrong, Zee?”

“I have to go to work!”  Zayn gently maneuvered Liam’s head off of him as he got up, “Jesus, I’m so _late!”_

Liam stretched his limbs out on the floor and looked up at Zayn.

“Or you could just stay home today,” he offered with a smile, and reached his arms up to Zayn and made grabby hands.

Zayn chuckled and shook his head.

“I can’t, Li.  I’ve been kind of behind, and now I’m like already over an hour late and my boss is going to _kill me_ and he’s going to yell at me and I’m going to end up having to stay late and we didn’t even get the _fucking bed put together!_ ”  Zayn grumbled as he left Harry’s room where they’d fallen asleep, and into their own room and opened his dresser to change.  Liam followed him.

“Babe, you haven’t had a day off or taken a sick day in forever.  I think it’d be okay this once, wouldn’t it?”

“No, it wouldn’t be _okay_ , Liam, it’s my job and I need to be there!”  He pulled out a pair of pants and changed them quickly, and pulled his shirt over his head and opened the closet.

“Oh.  Right, yeah, okay.  Well, go get dressed and I’ll make you something to eat, yeah?”

“Sorry, babe, don’t have time.  Gotta get out of here as soon as I can,” he disappeared into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

“Alright well, I’ll make you coffee, then?”

Zayn grunted in agreement.

Liam nodded and headed downstairs to brew him a cup.  He tried to suppress the sadness and disappointment he felt at Zayn leaving so quickly after having such a nice night together, because he knew it was just Zayn doing his job.  And he’d be back later that night and it would be good again.  He chuckled at the thought that this was bit like the first night they met.  Waking up a bit hungover and confused, and one of them bolting out the next morning as soon as possible. 

When Zayn ran down the stairs, bag in hand and hair a mess, he took the cup of coffee Liam offered him, pecked him on the cheek, and was gone a moment later. 

So, Liam went upstairs to check on his boys, particularly the two littlest ones who were fast asleep in his own bed.  Niall was curled in tight ball on Liam’s side of the bed, and Harry was sprawled out on his belly on top of Zayn’s pillow.  Liam was still tired and his head hurt, so he gently moved Harry off the pillow and into the middle of the bed, and climbed in beside them.  He snuggled Harry into his chest like a teddy bear and fell asleep.

~*~

The rest of the day passed better than normal.  Liam was in a great mood and played around with the boys in the backyard until lunch, and even got Louis to join in on a mock game of footie.  Harry did his best, but ended up in tears when he tripped over his own clumsy feet and scraped up his tiny knee.  And that wrapped up footie for the day. 

During lunch, as Harry sat on Liam’s lap munching on a chicken nugget, Niall asked, “Did you finish making Harry’s bed last night, Daddy?”

“Not quite, bug.  It took a little longer than expected.”

“And you were wine drunk,” Louis mumbled.

“Sh, you don’t even know what that word means, Louis William,” Liam chastised teasingly.

“Dad, I’m fourteen.  I know what it means.”

“No you don’t.  You’re just a baby.  Stop that.”

“Alright, Dad, you really got me,” Louis rolled his eyes.

“That’s a good lad.” Liam smiled, “anyway, no it’s not done because it took a while.  Me and Baba will have to finish it later.  Or maybe tomorrow, since he might not be home in time to work on it today.”

“No, Daddy, I can help!  Let’s do it now!”  Niall exclaimed happily, dropping his chicken nugget onto the floor in excitement.  He looked down at the thing in amusment.  “Oops!  That’s okay, Loki can eat it.”

Harry giggled wildly and Louis chuckled and shook his head. 

“If you guys want to work on it today we can try.  Maybe we can surprise Baba with it being all done when he gets home from work.”

“Yes!  Daddy let’s surprise him!”

“Inside voice, Nialler, but sure we can surprise him.  What do you think, Harry Berry?”  Liam turned down to face the toddler on his lap and kissed the boy’s chubby cheek.

Harry squealed and shook his fistful of green beans in the air in excitement. 

“Bed, Daddy!”

Liam laughed and hugged his little boy tighter, “yeah, babe, we’re gonna build your bed and maybe you can sleep in it tonight!”

“Can I sleep in his new bed too, Daddy?” Niall asked with a mouth full of food.

“I don’t think so, bub.  He needs to get used to his own bed.”

“No, Daddy, wan Niall!”  Harry turned on Liam’s lap to look up at his father.  Liam laughed and shook his head.

“Alright, maybe then.”

“Yay!  I can read him a story!”

“I bet he would like that.  Would you like that, Har?”

“Yes!”

“Alright, then let’s finish up your veggies, I’m looking at you, Niall, and we can go try to get that thing all built, huh?”

The boys nodded and Niall stuffed another nugget into his mouth.

“What about you, Lou?  Down to help?”

“God, no,”  Louis rolled his eyes again and continued eating.  “I’m going to go Skype Stan.”

“Aw, look at you, finding a way around using your phone and still talking to your friends.  I knew you’d survive.”

“Barely.  I’m dying soon, I can feel it.”

“You’re so dramatic, Lou.  You are your Baba’s boy for sure.”

“Thank you.”

Liam smiled, “I thought you’d like that.”

~*~

Liam ordered a pizza for dinner, since the three of them were still working on getting the bed put together.  Louis took two slices and disappeared back into his room, while Liam and the little boys kept working on their project.  Harry had taken a nap by accident halfway through the afternoon, falling asleep in the pile of clean clothes he had been playing in that Liam had just brought up from the dryer.  Neither boy was particularly helpful, as they kept getting distracted by the toys in Harry’s room.  Liam didn’t mind, he liked the company more than anything.  Niall did his best to help but there wasn’t much he could do besides helping Liam locate the pieces he was looking for.  All in all, it made for a nice afternoon and evening. 

When Zayn got home, Liam had just finished putting Harry’s new sheets and duvet on his newly built bed, while the sleepy toddler clung to his leg, more than ready to climb in and go to sleep.  He heard Zayn come in the front door, and was glad that he’d be home to tuck Harry into his new bed.   When he heard his footsteps on the stairs, he called a quick, “in here, babe!”

Zayn poked his head in and let out a little surprised noise.

“Oh!  You finished it.”

“Yeah!”  Liam beamed and scooped Harry up onto his hip, “the little guys helped me work on it since lunch.  It took a while, but doesn’t it look great?  Harry’s very excited for bed, aren’t you, sweetheart?”

Harry nodded sleepily and tucked his face into Liam’s neck.

“Yeah, yeah it looks great, guys.  C’mere, little love,” Zayn reached for Harry, who reached right back and let himself be transferred to his Baba’s arms.  “Where’s Niall?”

“Getting his pajamas on.  He helped so he wants to sleep in Harry’s new bed with him.  Which I figured might be good for tonight since we didn’t think to pick up a side rail, and we don’t need him rolling off the edge the first time he sleeps in his big boy bed.”

“Yeah, why buy a side rail when we can use our other son as one?”

“Exactly!  A waste of money, I say.”

“Mhmm.  Well, goodnight, little man,” he said suddenly and kissed Harry’s cheek and nuzzled his nose into the boy’s curls, “Baba is exhausted and needs to go lie down immediately.”

Harry rubbed his face along Zayn’s shoulder and collar bone sleepily and rubbed his eyes, reaching back for Liam. 

“Aw, can’t you stay for story time?  It’s a special night.”

Before Zayn could answer, Niall appeared at the door.

“Baba’s home!” he cheered and threw his arms up to be held, “Hi Baba!  Look what we did today!”

“I see, bud,” Zayn scooped the blond up and kissed his forehead, “did you have fun helping Daddy?”

“Yeah, Baba!  I couldn’t read the ‘structions very well so I listened and helped Daddy find the pieces!  And Harry took a nap in his laundry pile and it was so funny, and I played with his toys that used to be my toys but I forgot they were here and it was fun!  And we got to have pizza for dinner again and we kept working through dinner because it was a very serious job, and Louis didn’t help but that’s okay because he doesn’t get to sleep in his bed like I do.  Daddy said I could sleep –“

“Okay!  Okay, shh, bud, I know.  He told me already.”  Zayn gently cut off Niall’s long ramble.  The seven year old pouted and wiggled out of Zayn’s arms until the man put him down again.

“Whatever, Baba, I’m going to bed.  You are very rude so please leave our room.”

Zayn laughed and ruffled Niall’s hair, kissed Harry’s cheek one more time, and said goodnight before he left the room.  Liam was bit disappointed he didn’t stay and read the boys a story like he used to love doing, but it was alright.  He’d had a long day.  It was fine.

Tucking the boys in was easier than he had thought it would be, as he’d been anticipating more wiggles and squirms and chatting from overexcitement.  Instead, Harry was asleep by the time the first story was finished, and Niall didn’t even try and push a third.  He laid down next to his brother and patted his head, and waited for Liam to turn off the light.  _God_ , his boys were cute as hell. 

When he got to his own room, Zayn was in his boxers digging through the bottom drawer to find a pair of pajamas.

“Ten years later and you’ve still got it, babe,” Liam flirted happily.  He hadn’t seen Zayn naked (or close to naked) much the last few months, but his husband’s body was definitely as beautiful as ever.  He sat on the edge of the bed and stretched his arms above his head as he watched the sleek contours of Zayn’s spine move as he shuffled through the drawer.

Zayn hummed in response and pulled out an old tee shirt and pulled it over his head. 

“Oh, now why go and cover it up, babe?”

Zayn rolled his eyes, “knock it off.”

“What?  Admiring how sexy you are?  I can’t help it.”

“Liam, just… don’t, okay?”

Liam’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion.

“What’s wrong?  Are you alright?”

“Yeah, no, I just had a shitty day and I’m not really in the mood. I got my ass chewed out by my boss _twice_ today and I just… yeah.”

“I was just messing around, Zee.”

“I know, but stop.”

“I stopped.”

“Okay then why are we still talking about this?”

Liam was quiet.  He had never felt more rejected in his life.  The painful, sinking feeling in his chest made him want to just curl up in a ball and hope Zayn wouldn’t look at him.  Instead, however, he nodded and stood up to go brush his teeth and get ready for bed himself.  He stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him, forcing himself to take a few deep breaths.  He laid his palms down flat on the counter and looked at himself in the mirror.

Why was he so _annoying_?  He should have known better than to bother Zayn, especially after knowing he had probably had a rough day at work.  Why did he have to always make everything worse?  Why didn’t he ever _think_?  Why was he _so fucking stupid_? So fucking _worthless_ he couldn’t even get his properly compliment his husband without making a fool of himself? 

He felt the tears pricking at his eyes which just made him feel worse.  Here he was, working himself into a fit in the bathroom over nothing.  Zayn didn’t mean that, Zayn loved him.  He was important.  Zayn loved him, he just had a bad day.  But Zayn loved him.  He did.  Everything was fine.  Just the day before they’d had a wonderful night together, this one little conversation wasn’t going to change the fact that Zayn loved him and was trying to be a good husband again.  It was Liam’s fault for being stupid.

After a few minutes of calming himself, not letting any tears fall, Liam brushed his teeth and washed his face before stepping back into the bedroom, where Zayn lay on the bed flipping through channels on the TV. 

“How does _Friends_ sound?” he asked Liam as he approached the bed to climb in on his side.

“Yeah, that’s good,” Liam replied softly.   He pulled back the duvet and slid underneath the soft blanket, pulling it up to his chin even though it was too hot.  He forced himself to focus on the television and not let his mind wander.  He was careful to keep himself and all of his limbs as close to his edge of the bed and as far away from Zayn as possible as not to annoy him any further.  The last thing he needed to do now was accidentally bump Zayn with his hand or knee and have him get the wrong idea.  He just wanted to go to sleep.  It was still quite early for that, however, and he wasn’t very tired, so he focused his attention on the show until Zayn got tired and flipped the TV off. 

Liam laid in the darkness and repeated over and over in his mind the two things he desperately wanted to believe.

_Zayn loves me.  I’m important._

_Zayn loves me.  I’m important._

_Zayn loves me.  I’m important._

_Zayn loves me._

_Why am I so_ stupid _?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS WOW I'm so fucking sorry this is taking so long. There's been a clusterfuck of things going on and I really haven't gotten a chance to update and I'm sooooo sorry. For anyone sticking around and still reading these updates, you the real MVP. I love this story and I've missed writing it and missed your amazing comments that GIVE ME LIFE so hopefully the next few weeks I'll do a better job at updating. I'm doing ym best, I promise!


	18. Chapter 18

During the night, Liam was roughly pulled out of a hazy dream by a small body crawling over his own, and a tiny knee ramming into his rib cage.  He grunted in surprise and cracked his eyes open, though he couldn’t see in the dark what or who is was.  But he could make the only logical guess.

“Ni?” he mumbled sleepily

“Hi Daddy!”  Niall whispered back as he crawled in between Liam and Zayn’s bodies on the bed, “go back to sleep, it’s only me.”

Liam chuckled breathily, “hi, babe.”

“I had a bad dream so I’m here now, okay?”

“Oh no, are you alright?” Liam asked nervously.  He knew how bad Niall’s dreams could be.

“Uh huh,” Niall snuggled down between his fathers, sliding under the blanket that Liam held up for him, “it was a little scary but I’m okay now I just want to cuddle.”

“Alright then, Bug, let’s cuddle,” Liam wrapped his arm around Niall’s tiny body and pulled the blanket up higher. 

“Okay, goodnight Daddy,” Niall whispered again and curled up against Liam’s side, and both were fast asleep minutes later.

~*~

The next time he woke up, it was to a soft, steady whine coming through the baby monitor on the nightstand beside him.   Groaning softly, he took a moment to stretch his limbs and try to keep his eyes open long enough to convince himself to get out of bed and go check on his littlest boy. 

He must have drifted off again for a few minutes, because the next thing he knew, a more insistent _Daddy_ was whimpered through the little speaker and his eyes shot open.

“Alright, babe, Daddy’s coming,” he mumbled to himself, gently maneuvering himself out from under the sleeping seven year old who had migrated his body entirely on top of Liam’s.  However, just as he moved Niall to the side and was ready to pull himself entirely out of bed, another voice coming through the baby monitor stopped him.

“Hey, Harry Berry, what’s wrong, bud?”

That was… _Louis?_

Liam sat still on the edge of the bed and listened as Harry whined something unintelligible back to Louis, followed by the shuffling of blankets.

“You okay, little man?” Louis asked softly. 

Again Harry mumbled something back, to which Louis replied a gentle, “oh, love, it’s alright.”

Liam didn’t realize how big he was smiling until he felt the burning in his cheeks.  He had such good boys.

“Want to come in and have a lie down with me?” Louis’ voice cracked through the speaker, shortly followed by, “okay, bud, how about go and see Daddy and Baba?”

“Daddy, Lou,” Harry whined pitifully and Liam’s heart clenched.  Poor baby seemed so upset.

“Alright, Hazza, let’s go in with them, then.”

Liam reached his arms up above his head and stretched, ready for the two boys to come in so he could see what was wrong with his baby.  Just a moment later, Louis was softly knocking on their door and pushing it open slowly, and whispering _Dad?_ into the dark.

“Yeah, I’m up, bud.”

“Oh.  Harry was crying, and he wanted to come in with you guys,” Louis whispered as he walked over to Liam’s side of the bed and transferred the toddler into Liam’s arms, who reached out to wrap his arms around his father’s neck.

“Aw, little love,” Liam hugged the two year old tightly and kissed his head, pushing his hair back gently.  “Did Louis come in and check on you, bud?”

Harry nodded his head against Liam’s neck.

“Okay, night Dad, night Haz,” Louis mumbled sleepily.

“Hey, Lou.  Thank you.”

“Yeah, no problem.  I kinda do it a lot, but usually he just goes back to sleep.”

“You do it a lot?  How often does he wake up?”

“Every few nights, I guess.  If he’s crying or talking for too long I just figure you don’t hear it so I go in and see that he’s okay.  Like I said, he usually goes right back to sleep.”

Liam stood up with Harry on his hip and used his other arm to pull Louis into a side hug, to which the teenager accepted.  Liam was a little surprised, but figured it was due to him being so sleepy.

“Thank you so much, sweetheart.  You’re a good big brother,” Liam kissed the top of his head.

“Yeah well, I know.”

“I promise to keep the baby monitor turned up higher, kiddo, this isn’t your job.  And we’ll talk tomorrow about you getting your phone back.

“Really?”  Louis asked a bit too loudly, and Liam quickly gave him a gentle shush.

“Li’m… go t’ sleep,” Zayn’s voice croaked from the other side of the bed and Louis giggled.

“Sorry! Okay, well, feel better Harry,” Louis tip toed up to kiss the side of Harry’s head, and was waving goodnight to Liam and out the door a moment later.

Liam smiled to himself and settled back into bed with Harry still clinging to him, and leaned back against the pillows so Harry could lay against his chest.

“What’s wrong, little love?  Have a bad dream too?”

Harry kept his face pressed into Liam’s shirt and shook his head no.

“No bed, Daddy.”

“No bed? Don’t you like your new bed?”

Harry shook his head again.

“Alright, babe, well, you’ll get used to it.  But you can sleep here with me and Baba and Niall for tonight, yeah?  Just go back to sleep, baby,” he whispered soothingly, rubbing a slow hand up and down the toddler’s tiny back until he fell asleep, though Liam wasn’t sure which one of them was out first.

~*~

“So, Dad, my phone?”  Louis demanded the moment he walked into the kitchen the next morning. 

Liam looked up from where he was mixing together Harry’s oatmeal.

“Excuse me?”

“You said last night I can have it back, since I helped with Harry!”

“Yeah, but you’d think you could use a bit of a more polite tone.  Good morning to you too.”

Louis rolled his eyes.

“Fine.  Good morning, Dad, can I please have my phone back now?  Since I’m such a great brother and son and person because you’ve done such a great job raising me.”

“We’ll talk about it after breakfast, kiddo.”

“Dad, come on!  What is there to talk about?  You _said_ I could have it!”

“No, I said we would see.”

“Daddy!” Harry called angrily, reaching his tiny arms up impatiently for his bowl Liam was still holding in his hands.

“Sorry, sorry,” Liam shook his head and set the bowl and spoon down in front of his son, then turned back to Louis.  “Get something to eat, then we can talk, alright?”

Louis sighed in frustration and slid into a chair next to Niall, who was happily munching away on a bagel.

“Fine.  But I’ll have you know, if I miss an important call during these next few minutes, I’ll be very upset with you.”

Liam laughed, “You sound like your father.”

“Be more specific, because technically over the course of my life I’ve had three.”

It was Liam’s turn to roll his eyes, then turned to Louis with his hands on his hips.  “You know I’m talking about your Baba.”

“Okay, like, I could assume that, but you could have meant yourself.  Or my old dad.  I’m probably like him, but I couldn’t really say for sure.  I think he was… tall maybe?  Who knows,” Louis rambled as he got back up to dig through the contents of the refrigerator for his breakfast.

“My old daddy wasn’t nice, so I’m glad I’m not like him, because I’m nice!” Niall chimed in seriously.

Louis laughed and turned around to look back at Niall, “You, to heck with that guy, right Ni?  You’re way better than him.”

Niall smiled proudly and say up higher in his chair, “Yeah, he was a… a _butthead!”_

Louis laughed again, and Harry giggled along to feel included.  Liam chuckled a bit, because as much as it was nice having an actual conversation going on during breakfast that included Louis, and as much as he liked that the boys were okay with occasionally mentioning their birth parents like this, it always hurt Liam a little bit.  He knew they were adopted, and he knew they’d had other parents who they at least partially, vaguely remembered, but having the fact thrown in his face like that always struck a chord with him.  These were _his_ babies, and no one else’s.

“Well, the good thing is, me and Baba are your daddies now, so that’s all that matters, right?”

“Yeah, Daddy, I love it here!” Niall exclaimed happily, making Liam feel a bit better.

“I don’t know, I mean maybe my old dad wouldn’t have taken my phone in the first place,” Louis said, still in a light-hearted manner, but it caused a sharp pain in Liam’s chest.  He suppressed the feeling as much as he could and forced a tight smile.

“Sure, maybe.  Or maybe he wouldn’t have let you have one at all.”

“Yeah, or maybe he’d get me an iPad too.”

Liam shook his head and turned back around to finish making his own bowl of oatmeal, gritting his teeth harshly.  He wouldn’t say anything out loud, but it was really starting to get on his nerves.  He knew he was just being whiney as usual, but he couldn’t help the way it made him feel.  He’d do his best to suppress it, but it would always bother him.

By the time they were all sitting down to eat breakfast, however, the conversation topic had changed to Niall talking about the weird dream he had had the night before, and Liam was bit more at ease. 

After breakfast, he cleaned up the dishes while the boys went off to play in the play room.  A few minutes after he finished, and was putting away the last of the bowls in the cupboard, Louis appeared back in the kitchen. 

“Hey, there, Daddy-O, favorite father, best person in my life!”

“Yeah yeah, let’s get it over with then,” Liam responded, turning and leaning back against the counter.

“So, I can have it back?  My phone?  You said maybe I could if I was well behaved and I have been, right?”

“Yeah, I suppose you can have it back.  But, we can take it away again at any time if your attitude gets worse, understand?  So just because you’ve been good lately doesn’t mean you get it back forever no matter what.”

Louis rolled his eyes, “yeah, okay, I know.”

“And one more condition,” Liam smiled mischievously. 

“Oh god, what?”

“You have to invite this _El_ girl over for dinner.”

“Dad, no!” Louis gasped, “Dad really no you don’t know anything about this!”

“I know you guys spent a lot of time texting, and a lot of time hanging out, and I just want to meet my son’s friends.  You know… to make sure she isn’t a drug dealer.”

“You just want to embarrass me!”

“No, of course not.  Although, it is a fun bonus, yeah?”

“No way.  I’m not bringing her over here. It’s stupid here.”

“Well, then I guess you’ll have to wait out the rest of your punishment.”

“No!” Louis whined, “Fine, fine, I’ll ask her!  But if she says no you can’t pester me about it!”

Liam laughed, ”alright, fair enough.  It’s upstairs in my room in my bedside drawer.  Have at it.”

“Thanks, Dad!” He was out of the room a second later and flying up the stairs to retrieve his phone.  Liam shook his head and chuckled at the boy, then headed into the play room to see what the little guys were doing.  Harry was surrounded by jumbo Lego bricks, stacking them sloppily on top of each other, and Niall was flipping through channels on the TV.  When neither boy acknowledged his presence, he figured it was safe to leave them alone long enough to go up to his room and call Zayn.

Louis was already locked away in his own room, probably madly replying to all the texts and calls he’d gotten while Liam had his phone, so Liam had some time to himself for a few minutes.  He laid on his bed, leaning back against the headboard, and dialed Zayn’s cell number.

He picked up with a “Hey, Li,” after two rings.

“Hey, babe.  You’re on lunch right now, right?”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Just wanted to let you know Louis got his phone back a little early, and Mystery Girl is going to be coming over for dinner at some point.”

“Wait, he got it back?  How?”

“He’s been well behaved lately, and last night he went into Harry’s room to check on him while he was crying, and said he’s done it quite a lot, so I think he deserves it.”

“Were you going to run that by my at all or…?”

“Zayn, I literally tried talking to you about it the other night.”

“Did you?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.  I don’t remember.  Well, then fine.  Whatever.  When’s she coming?”

“Don’t know yet.  I told him he had to invite her if he wanted his phone back,” Liam chuckled, “I’m tricky.”

“Sounds like blackmail to me.”

“Eh, so what?  You know he won’t bring her over otherwise.”

“Why does he have to?” Zayn’s voice was bordering on annoyed.

“I don’t know, so we can meet our son’s possible girlfriend?  And know what’s going on in his life?”

“I guess.”

“Don’t you care?”

Zayn sighed in annoyance.

“Of course I care, but he’s 14.  It’s not like it would be a serious relationship anyway, they’re kids.  I don’t think it’s a big deal.”

“It’s his first one, it’s exciting!”

“It’s his life, butt out of it, overbearing dad,” Zayn said, though there was a teasing air to his voice that made Liam chuckle.

“I can’t help it, I get so bored around here and I need some excitement.”

“Yeah, that’s fair.  Well, let me know when you figure out what night she’s coming so I can try to get off early.  I don’t want to leave them there alone with you, you big awkward nerd.”

Liam laughed again.

“Wow, cheers, babe.”

“You know it’s true.”

“Maybe a little.  Hey, one last thing though.”

“What is it?”

“What do you think about Louis and Niall talking about their birth parents?  Is it something we should encourage?”

“Why?”

“They were talking about it today, and you know I don’t like it, but they were so nonchalant about it, it makes me think we should like… I don’t know.  Make sure they know it’s okay to acknowledge them?  But it still bothers me, because it’s like they don’t think of me as their only dad.”

“Well, you’re not.  I’m here too.”

“Well, yeah but you’re their baba.  They don’t think of _us_ as their only parents.”

“So?”

“So, doesn’t that kind of make you feel a bit less important?  Or something?”

“Liam, you’re being dramatic again,” Zayn tisked, “Don’t take everything so personally.”

“Okay, well you married me, you know I take things personally.”

“Well, don’t.  They love you and you’re their dad, that’s not something that’s going to change.”

“Yeah, but the point is, should we encourage it?  Should we talk to them about it, do you think?”

“You can, I guess.  I don’t know.  Do what you want.”

Liam sighed and rubbed at his temples.

“They’re your kids too, Zayn.”

“I know, but I’m not the one having a fit over it.  This might surprise you, but I don’t really care if they know they had other parents a million years ago or not.”

“You don’t _care_?”

“Not really, no.  We’re their dads now, and that’s what matters.  Stop making everything into such a big fucking deal.”

Liam drew his brows together in frustration.

“I was just wondering your thoughts on it, Zayn.  You can’t say you want to be included in decisions and stuff like this and then bite my head off when I try to keep you in the loop.”

“Oh my god, can we not do this now?  I have a lot to do today and I already have enough to worry about, I don’t need to add ‘hormonal husband problems’ to the list.”

“ _What_?”

“Just… do whatever you want, I have to get back to work.  If they keep talking about their old parents, try not to be so sensitive.  Bye, love you guys.”

“Zayn, come on wait a second-”

The line went dead before Liam even finished his sentence, and he was suddenly aware of the yelling coming from downstairs.  It sounded like Niall, meaning he probably broke something again, and Liam didn’t have any time to process what had just happened on the phone with Zayn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry this took forever, and sorry it's not very eventful. I've been really busy again, and wasn't feeling very inspired and basically had no idea what I wanted to do in this chapter sooo... this happened. But, prepare to meet Eleanor next chapter! Also, Louis is terrible son and he's a douche but he loves his brothers so it's ok


	19. Chapter 19

The rest of the day went by relatively normally.  He did his best to push his conversation with Zayn out of his mind and focus on other things, and the headache beginning to creep in behind his eyes helped, making it harder to focus on much of anything.  Louis laid on the couch in front of the TV with his phone in his face all afternoon, Harry had a fit about being laid down for his nap, and Niall sobbed out a desperate apology about breaking the lamp in the playroom.  No matter how much Liam assured him that it was alright, and they could just get a new lamp, Niall wouldn’t stop crying until Liam held him.  He ended up carrying the seven year old around the house as he attempted to do the few chores he needed to get done, and by the time he was finished, Niall was fast asleep on his shoulder. 

Liam carried him back upstairs and laid him down in his and Zayn’s own bed, tucking him in and kissing his head before headed downstairs.  Louis was still lounged across the sofa in the living room, phone in hand.

“So, what’s the deal with miss El coming over, then?” He asked his son.

“Her name is Eleanor, Dad.”

“Aw, that’s pretty!”

Louis groaned, “Shut _up_!”

“Right, sorry,” Liam chuckled, “Well, have you asked her?”

“Yeah.”

“And?”

“Tomorrow night.”

“Really?  That’s great!”

“Why do you do this to me?”

“Because I love you so much, that I have to ruin your life and make you miserable.  You’ll understand when you have kids.”

Louis snorted and covered his face with his hands.  “Is Baba going to be home for this?  Or should I set myself on fire now and not have to deal with it?”

“Hey now, why do you need Baba?”

“Because he’s cooler than you and he’ll keep you from being too weird.”

“Nothing can stop me from being weird,” Liam laughed and reached over to ruffle Louis’ hair, which caused the teenager to pull away and whine in annoyance.

“Seriously, Dad, try not to be weird and embarrassing, please? _Please?_ ”

“Of course I won’t try to be embarrassing, I want her to like us.”

“She loves Harry already.  She met us at the playground one day when he was with me and she loves him.”

Liam beamed.  Of _course_ she liked Harry.  Harry was cute as hell.

“Aw, then she sounds like a great girl!  If she already likes two of my babies, I approve. I can’t believe Harry got to meet her before I did.”

“Yeah, whatever.  Make spaghetti and meatballs, it’s her favorite.”

“I can do that.  My meatballs are the best meatballs.”

“Sure Dad.  If you say so.”  Louis rolled his eyes and went back to scrolling through his phone, effectively ending the conversation. 

Liam patted Louis’ head on more time before leaving the room.  He was _excited_.  He couldn’t wait for Eleanor to come over and he could meet his son’s kind-of-maybe-possibly girlfriend.  Louis was so grown up Liam could cry, but a good kind of cry.  A happy, proud cry. 

Instead of any type of crying, he found himself in the kitchen digging through the freezer to find something for dinner.  He ended up deciding on burgers and hotdogs, since it was a nice day and they could finally boot up the grill for the season.  Usually Zayn took pride in his Grill Master skills, but Liam could do almost as well. 

He took out a pound of ground beef and a package of hot dogs to thaw, when Loki suddenly sprinted through the room and barked, making Liam jump and drop what he was holding.

“Loki!” he called in frustration as he bent down to pick up the meat from the floor, “keep it down we’ve got babies sleeping!”

Loki continued to bark in the other room, and Liam could hear his paws patting against the hardwood as he paced by the front door.

“Loki!” Liam dropped the meats in the sink and headed out of the kitchen and through the living room to the foyer, where he nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Zayn was there, bent over to the pet the dog. “ _Jesus_ , Zayn!”

Zayn looked up and smiled, “Oh, hey babe.”

“What are you doing home?  It’s only like three o’clock.”

Zayn stood up completely, ignoring Loki as he kept nuzzling at his hand for more attention.  It was only then that Liam saw that the man was holding something behind his back.

“Right, yeah, I told my boss I wasn’t feeling well so he’d let me out early.  I uh… I wanted to come home.”

“Oh.  Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.  I was just um… yeah I was having a stressful day and I um… I realized I was really kind of a dick to you on the phone and I’m sorry.  Liam, I’m so sorry,” Zayn said seriously, stepping closer to Liam and pulling out a small bouquet of flowers from behind his back.  Liam gasped softly as Zayn continued, “I know it’s cheesy, and probably a bit girly, but I saw the vendor and thought it couldn’t hurt, right?  And I know you like lilies and we had them at our-“

Liam cut him off with a kiss, stepping forward and cupping the sides of Zayn’s face in his hands.  Zayn gasped slightly but kissed back immediately, wrapping both arms around Liam’s waist.

They kissed for a few moments, before Zayn pulled away with a soft smile and rested his forehead against Liam’s.

“So, you like the flowers, then?”

Liam let out a short, breathy laugh and pecked Zayn’s lips again, smiling wide.

“I love them.”

“Good,” Zayn replied softly, bringing a hand up to stroke Liam’s cheek, “because I really am sorry, jaan, I don’t know what I was thinking, okay?  I know I was being an ass and I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Thank you,” Liam mumbled back and smiled gently, “Really, it means so much, Zee.”

“Forgive me?”

Liam nodded happily, and Zayn kissed him again, tightening his arms around Liam’s waist and holding him tight. 

“Good, because I love you so much, and I was just taking my stress out on you and I know that’s not okay.  But God, I love you, Li.”

Liam smiled even bigger and nuzzled his nose along Zayn’s cheek, “I love you too, thank you.”

“For what?”

“For the hugs, the flowers, the kisses, everything.  I’ve missed your cuddles.”

“Well, we are gonna have one _hell_ of a cuddle tonight, jaan.”

“That sounds perfect,” Liam leaned forward to kiss Zayn one more time before pulling away and taking the flowers Zayn offered.

 “Aright, good.  Where are my little guys?” Zayn followed Liam into the kitchen, where he pulled out a vase and began to fill it with water for the flowers.

“Naptime.”

“Ah, right.  Niall’s napping?”

“Yeah, he broke the lamp in the play room and was really upset with himself, so he ended up passing out on my shoulder.”

“Aw, poor baby,” Zayn pouted, sticking his lip our dramatically.  Liam laughed.

“Yeah, but when he wakes up he’ll be _so excited_ Baba is home!”

Zayn beamed the most beautiful smile, and Liam’s heart melted.  “Aw, good.  I hope he’ll want to play or something, I’ve not really gotten to play outside with them in a while.”

“Yeah, he’d love that.  I thought we could have some cheeseburgers and hotdogs for dinner, and it’s perfect that you’re home in time to grill them up for us.”

“Ah!  I get to wear my grilling apron!”  Zayn said in excitement.

Liam laughed and stepped forward to wrap his arms around Zayn for another hug.  He was just being so _cute_ and he came home from work to tell Liam he was sorry, and he brought _flowers_ and was in such a good mood and Liam loved _everything_.  He had been upset about Zayn’s rude behavior on the phone earlier, but he could easily forgive him when he was acting like this.  Even if it had only been a few minutes, he was being the old Zayn more than he had been in months, and _god_ Liam had missed that.  He had missed his Zayn being goofy and sweet and fun.

“What’s this?  Why so much love?” Zayn chuckled as he squeezed Liam back, pressing a kiss to the side of his head.

“I’m just really glad you’re here,” Liam sighed happily.

“I’m glad I am too, babe.”

~*~

By the time Liam was brushing his teeth to get ready for bed that night, he was in the best mood he could recall being in in almost a year.  His whole family had gotten along so well all night, and he and Zayn had made dinner together like they used to.  They ate on the deck and the boys had played in the backyard while their parents cleaned up, and then joined in their game of hide-and-seek tag after they were finished.  It just been such a _good day_ that Liam almost couldn’t believe how well everything had gone.  And he couldn’t wait to curl up in bed and snuggle with Zayn.

He finished up in the bathroom and headed back into the bedroom, where Zayn was already stretched out on the bed with the remote in his hand, getting the movie ready. 

“What are we watching, then?”  Liam asked as he crawled into his own side of the bed.

“I hope you’re cool with watching the Avengers again.”

Liam laughed and nodded, “You know I always am.”

“Good, you little comic book nerd.  Get over here,” Zayn held up his arm for Liam to slide under, to which he happily obliged.  Liam snuggled into Zayn’s side and rested his head back on Zayn’s shoulder, and sighed in contentment.  He had missed snuggling with his husband.  The movie started and Zayn turned off the lamp beside the bed, turning back toward Liam to kiss his temple.

As the opening credits flitted across the screen, Liam draped an arm across Zayn’s middle and pulled the blanket up over himself.

“Thank you for today, Zayn. Really.  It was great.”

“What, the flowers?”

“Well yeah, that.  And just coming home and spending time with us and being so fun again.  I’ve missed it,” he leaned up to kiss Zayn’s cheek again, “a little bit of effort goes a long way.”

“I know I’ve been kind of lacking in the effort department, but it’ll be better.  Everything will be better, yeah?”

Liam hummed happily and turned his face into the material of Zayn’s shirt.  He was really comfy.

“Did you find out when Louis’ girly friend is coming over?”

“Oh yeah!” Liam replied with excitement, “tomorrow night.  We’re having spaghetti. She’s coming around 4:30 and we’ll probably eat around five.”

“Oh.  Okay,” Zayn paused for a moment, “I’ll try my best to get out of work early, but since I left early today it might be hard.”

“Oh,” Liam’s heart sank a little.  He should have seen that coming.

“Hey, no, don’t get sad on me,” Zayn tightened his arm around Liam and kissed the top of his head, “I’ll be there.  I promise.  It’s just going to be a little tricky, yeah?  But I will.”

Liam smiled and relaxed against Zayn’s body.  “I love you.”

“I love you too, jaan.”

“Give me a kiss,” Liam turned his face up toward Zayn and puckered his lips.  Zayn chuckled and kissed Liam softly, running a hand down the younger man’s arm.  “Good, now watch the movie.”

“Or – hear me out, here – we could have sex.”

Liam laughed and swatted Zayn’s leg.

“I’m tired, I just want to snuggle.  Maybe tomorrow.”

“Promise?”

“Sure, babe, I promise,” Liam giggled and kissed Zayn again.

After that they settled back down together to watch the movie, but Liam’s mind was racing.  Zayn had been so wonderful all day, and _God_ Liam had missed that.  He missed when Zayn was like that every day, and didn’t do things he had to apologize so greatly for.  And though he hoped this meant that those fights and tensions were coming to an end, a large part of him knew this was temporary.  Zayn would still get annoyed and angry and mean, and they’d still fight and Liam would still feel like shit.  But he could enjoy it for now, and pray that it lasted and things would get better. 

Because he loved Zayn, and he was hoping with all his heart that Zayn would continue to love him.  It was those thoughts that ran through his mind as he fell asleep that night, snuggled in Zayn’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Standard apology for long gaps between updates. Standard apology for poor material. But! Happy thanksgiving, I'm thankful for all you readers! And good luck with finals for all the college people out there


	20. Chapter 20

The next day, Liam was excited.  He hummed happily as he gave the boys breakfast and cleaned the kitchen, and went around cleaning the rest of the house just to be sure it made a good impression for Eleanor.  After breakfast was finished, Louis of course retreated back up to his room, and Niall went into the play room to find something to do while Liam did the housework.  Harry, however, followed Liam around like a shadow and did his best to help cleaning, which really just meant he wiped the cabinets with a dry dish towel and pretended to be cleaning.  Liam appreciated it though, and thought his little boy was _adorable_.   

A little after lunchtime, Liam decided to start on dinner.  He made his spaghetti sauce from scratch, a recipe his mother had passed down to him that he _knew_ wouldn’t be nearly as good if it didn’t simmer for at least a few hours.  Before he began, though, he went to find Niall, who was in Louis’ room watching something on the teenager’s laptop with him.

“Hey, boys.  Whatcha watching?” he asked, leaning over to peak at the screen.

“Nothing, it’s none of your business,” Louis said defensively, angling the screen away from his father.

“Well that just makes me even more curious.  What is it, Niall?” he asked the seven year old, knowing he’d be more likely to get a response. 

“A video of people getting hurt.  Like, falling off stuff, and crashing into stuff on bikes,” the blond replied, still watching the screen.

“Wow, so secretive, Lou,” Liam teased.  Louis just rolled his eyes and hummed a vague response.

“Anyway, kiddo, I’m starting to cook dinner and we have a lot of stuff to chop, and I know you love to chop stuff up for me.  Want to help?”

Niall gasped in excitement and looked up at Liam, “Yeah!  Bye Lou!” He jumped off the bed and grabbed onto the hand Liam was holding out for him. 

“Bye, Lou.  Have fun with your… whatever you’re watching,” Liam flipped his hand nonchalantly as he lead Niall out of the room and back downstairs, where Harry was sat on the kitchen floor, running the same dishtowel over the linoleum.

“Hi, Harry,” Niall greeted, “what are you doing?”

“I c’ean!” Harry smiled.

“He what, Daddy?”

“He’s cleaning.”

“Oh! Then good job, Harry, it’s so clean in here!” Niall praised and kissed Harry’s head with an exaggerated smacking noise. Harry beamed in response and continued to diligently scrub the floor.  Liam smiled just at watching his boys interact. They were being extra cute that day.  Or maybe he was just in a really good mood.

Liam pushed a kitchen chair up against the counter and set Niall up with a cutting board and small knife to let him chop up the peppers and onions under close supervision while he added spices to the sauce.  After they were finished and the sauce was boiling, they moved onto making the meatballs. 

Harry decided he wanted to help, so Liam brought another chair up to the counter for him to stand on, and after Liam showed them how to make little balls from the ground beef, they went to work.  Harry squealed at the squishiness of the meat, but tried his very best nonetheless.  None of them turned out the same size and they were all a bit oddly shaped, but Liam thought it gave them more character. 

“Now what, Daddy?  We put them in the stove?”  Niall asked as Liam helped both younger boys wash their hands.

“Yeah, we’ll put them in the oven and when they’re done, we’ll drop them into the sauce until dinner time.”

“When is dinner?”

“Not for a few more hours yet, bud.”

“Oh okay good, because I’m not hungry yet and I want to hungry for dinner.”

Liam laughed, “Well, hopefully you’ll be hungry by then.”

Niall hopped down from the chair he was standing on, and Liam tried to help Harry get down as well.  Instead, the toddler whined and clung to Liam, clearly wanting to be held.  Liam obliged and instead brought the boy into his arms, where he laid his head on his daddy’s shoulder.

“Uh oh, is it nap time, babe?” Liam looked at the clock, and it was nearly two.  Almost an hour after Harry’s normal naptime.  He felt the toddler nod against his shoulder. “Ok, lets go get you in a pull up and you can lay down, alright?”

Harry nodded again as Liam carried him upstairs, Niall following right behind.

“Daddy?  After Harry goes to sleep will you play with me?  Can we go outside? Can we take Loki?”

“Niall, bug, sh,” Liam shushed him gently and spoke softly, “why don’t you go in your room to find something for us to play with outside, okay?  While I get your brother to sleep.”

“Okay!  Goodnight Harry!”

Liam smiled after the tiny blond as he ran into his room, while Liam took Harry into his and got him quickly changed into a pullup, just in case.  The toddler was half asleep by the time he was done, and Liam was grateful it would be an easy nap.  He didn’t like the idea of leaving Harry to fall asleep on his own with his new bed, where he could get up and wander around if he got bored.  He pulled back the covers and placed Harry on the bed, tucking him in with his firetruck throw blanket and kissing him on the forehead as the boy blinked sleepily up at him.

“Goodnight, my love, have a nice nap.”

Harry mumbled something Liam couldn’t understand and pulled the blanket tighter around himself, closing his eyes.  Liam kissed his head one last time before leaving the room and going to find Niall.

~*~

It was nearing five o’clock and Liam was in a frenzy.  The garlic bread was ready to go in the oven, the pasta was ready to be cooked, but Liam didn’t want to start too early and have things be ready long before Zayn was home.  Zayn, who was not answering his texts. 

He shot one more text to his husband, begging him to let him know when he’d be home before he went insane, and telling him that he probably _was_ already going insane.

He shoved his phone back in his pocket and went into the play room to check on his littlest boys.  Niall was watching SpongeBob on the TV while Harry laid on the floor on his belly with two of his stuffed animals in front of him.

“Are you boys ready?  How do you look? Let me see your clothes.  Niall, did you brush your teeth this morning?”

“Yes, Daddy, calm down.”

Liam was a little taken aback at Niall’s words, though of course his tone held no malice. 

“I’m calm, who isn’t calm?”

“You!” Niall grinned.

Liam laughed at that and scooped the boy off the couch and swung him up into the air, causing him to squeal and giggle in delight.

“I am _perfectly_ calm, young man!  And anyone who says I’m not gets put in the pot to cook with the spaghetti!”

Niall laughed and flailed his limbs in a weak attempt to escape, “No, Daddy, don’t cook me!”

Liam tossed Niall over his shoulder and held him like a sack of flower, “What do you think, Harry?  Should we cook him?”

Harry was sitting on the floor still, giggling up at his daddy and brother.

“Yeah!”

“Yeah, we should?  Alright, Nialler, you heard the boy!”

“No, Daddy!”

“Yes, Niall!”

Niall screamed and kicked his legs more, laughing wildly.  Liam was about to swing him around and drop him back on the couch when the doorbell rang, and he froze. He’d forgotten for a moment they were even expecting company. 

“Whoops, gotta go, boys,” Liam gently set Niall back on his feet and headed out of the room, but of course both boys followed him anyway.  As they got to the living room, Louis was already thundering down the stairs, shouting out a quick _I’ll get it!_

Before Liam could even fully enter the foyer, Louis was opening the door with a smile on his face bigger than Liam had seen in _weeks,_ and revealed a pretty brunette girl who was smiling shyly.

“El!”

“Hey, Lou,” she said softly.

“Hey, here, come in,” Louis held the door wider and allowed the girl to step inside as she smiled sweetly at Louis.  Liam’s heart soared as he watched them interact, even if had only been a few exchanged words.  He stepped forward into the foyer fully and smiled warmly at the girl.

“Hi, you must be Eleanor, then,” she smiled back at him and nodded shyly.  “I’m Louis’ dad, Liam.”

“Hello,” she nearly whispered.  She was so shy Liam thought it was sweet, but the way Louis was smiling at her was so much sweeter.  The teenager’s trance was broken, however, when Harry toddled forward and hugged his legs. 

“Oh, right! El, you already know Harry, and that’s Niall,” Louis laughed and pointed to the blond, who was hiding behind Liam’s legs.

“Of course I remember Harry!” She smiled even bigger and waved at Niall, who gave a small wave and moved himself behind Liam even more. 

“Oh, come on now, Niall. You’re not shy,” Liam patted the boy’s hair and looked back up at the girl beside Louis, “he isn’t usually shy.  By the time we eat I’m sure he’ll be talking your ear off.”

“Anyway,” Louis drew out the word and looked back toward Eleanor, “now that you know everyone, Dad probably has to go cook or something so I’ll give you a tour, yeah?” He reached down and gently took ahold of Harry’s hand, and then placed his other hand on Eleanor’s arm to guide her.

Liam scoffed and shook his head, but smiled nonetheless.  Eleanor nodded quietly and followed Louis into the living room, where he loudly and dramatically explained to her that that was where he liked to watch TV and eat his snacks.

“Well, what do you think, Bug?” Liam looked down and asked Niall after the other three had left the room.  “She seems nice, right?”

“She didn’t even talk.” Niall answered, staying pressed close against Liam’s side.

“Well neither did you.”

“I was scared. Which is okay because I am little.”

Liam laughed and bent down to scoop the blond up into the air and kissed his cheek.

“You are little, aren’t you?  Stay little okay? Promise me you’ll stay little and not bring home girls for a long long time.”

Niall giggled, “Yeah, I promise. Girls are gross.”

~*~

An hour after Eleanor had arrived, the pasta was nearly done and the garlic bread was ready to be taken out of the oven, and Zayn had yet to respond to any of Liam’s desperate texts.  Louis had taken Eleanor and the two younger boys into the backyard to play, and Liam could hear them yelling and laughing through the open kitchen window.  Normally, such a thing would fill him with happiness and contentment, but now it was grating on his nerves as his anxiety and frustration wore on him.  He pulled the pan of garlic bread from the oven, stirred the pot of boiling water, and decided to give Zayn a call.  He’d probably be more likely to answer a call than a text if he was in a rush, or so Liam hoped.

After three rings it was sent to voicemail. Liam groaned in frustration.

“Zayn, hey, it’s me,” he said and sighed, “it’s almost 6, and dinner is ready to go on the table.  We’re waiting for you so… let me know when you’ll be home.  I really don’t want to start without you. Please, please hurry.”

He hung up the phone and slipped in back into his pocket before getting the dishes down from the cupboard.  He was about to start setting the table when he heard a loud shriek from the backyard, and he dropped the dishes back onto the counter and whirled around to look out the window.  All he saw was Harry laying on the ground with Louis crouched next to him before he was flying out the backdoor and running across the grass a moment later.

“What happened?” he asked Louis quickly while he kneeled beside the sobbing toddler, gently checking him over.

“He got hit with the ball and fell, but it was the soft ball so he’s okay,” Louis replied, petting Harry’s hair.

“Oh, little love,” Liam cooed and gently lifted him into his arms, where the toddler buried his face into his father’s shirt and continued to cry.  Liam frowned and kissed the top of his head, “shh, babe, you’re alright. You’re okay, aren’t you?  Why don’t we go inside and get ready for dinner, then, guys?” Liam addressed the rest of the kids, “Dinner’s almost ready and Baba will be home soon.”

Once they were all in the house and had washed up for dinner, Harry was feeling much better and was back to smiling, sitting in Louis’ lap at the table while Liam set out the plates and Niall helped him with the silverware.  Louis was telling Eleanor some story that Liam was only half listening to, but she seemed to be laughing at quite a lot.

When the table was ready and the food was done, sitting in serving bowls on the kitchen counter, Liam didn’t know what else to do. He had stalled as much as he could but the bread was getting cold and Zayn still hadn’t answered his texts.

So, he decided it was time for dinner.  He brought the serving bowls into the dining room and got everyone a drink before he helped Harry off of Louis’ lap and into his own seat, and then sat down as well.

“Wait, we’re eating without Baba?” Louis asked, obviously confused and a little put off.

“Baba will be home soon, but we’re all hungry and dinner is ready.  So, we’ll eat now and Baba can eat when he gets home.”

“Can’t we wait?”

“We did wait, bud, but the food is going to get cold.”

“Can’t you call him or something?  Dad come on, he said he would be here!”

Liam sighed. He felt _awful_ that Zayn wasn’t there but there wasn’t much he could do.

“Yeah, let me go call him,” Liam excused himself from the table and went into the kitchen to dial Zayn’s number.

He answered on the fourth ring, and Liam was surprised.

“Liam? Hey, babe, I’m almost home okay? I’m almost there, I’m sorry.”

“Really?” Liam smiled.

“Yeah, just like, less than ten minutes.  I just passed the Tesco.  And I’m starving so I hope you made _a lot_ of spaghetti.”

Liam chuckled, “yeah, we did.”

“Good! Okay, I gotta go, but I’ll be there soon!”

“Alright, see ya.”

“Bye!”

Liam sighed in relief as he hung up the phone and went back into the dining room, where four pairs of eyes immediately turned to him.

“Is he coming, Daddy?” Niall asked first.

“Yep, almost here.”

“Yay!” Niall cheered and raised his spoon in the air in celebration.

“So does that mean we’ll wait for him?” Louis asked.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Okay, good. Try not to talk until he gets here.”

Liam took his seat again and raised an eyebrow at his oldest son. “Why?”

“You know why, Dad. You’ll say something weird.”

“No I won’t! I’m not weird.  Tell him, Niall.”

“You’re weird, Daddy.” Niall replied, hiding his laugh behind his hands.

Liam scoffed in mock offense, “well, then I guess if no one wants me to talk then I won’t, if I’m so weird.”

“Oh thank _God_ ,” Louis sighed dramatically, making both Niall and Harry laugh.

“Be nice to your dad, Lou,” Eleanor giggled quietly.

“See! She likes me. She’s the only one on my side.”

“She’s only being polite. She told me she hates you.” Louis replied flippantly.

“What?” Eleanor looked at Louis with horror, and then looked quickly back toward Liam, “no I didn’t! I promise I didn’t!”

Liam laughed and shook his head, “No, no, I know you didn’t love.  Louis is just a horrible brat.”

“Isn’t he?” She laughed softly, “he’s just awful.”

“Ha ha, Louis! She doesn’t like you!” Niall laughed loudly and pointed his spoon across the table at his brother.

“Yeah!” Harry cheered.  Liam laughed at them both.

“Yes she does, Niall, shut up,” Louis teased, “you’re just _jealous_ because girls don’t like you.”

From there, the table erupted into yelling and loud laughter, with Harry sitting in the chair beside Liam, squealing and gigging wildly at his older brothers as they shot comments across the table at each other, no real malice in their voices.  They were making so much noise and Liam was so caught up in listening to them that he didn’t notice Zayn standing at the other end of the table until he spoke.

“What on Earth is going on here?”

“Baba!” Niall shouted and flew out of his chair and around the corner of the table to jump on his father, while Harry more slowly climbed out of his chair and was right behind him.  Zayn bent down to hug them both quickly and stood back up with Harry on one hip.

“Hi, guys, sorry I’m so late.  Work was a monster.”

“It’s ok, Dad hasn’t done anything too embarrassing yet,” Louis smiled.

“Eh, give him time, he will.” Zayn winked at Liam.  He then directed his attention to the girl beside Louis and smiled kindly, “Sorry, love, you’re Eleanor then?”

She nodded shyly, a tint of pink growing on her cheeks.

“Nice to meet you finally, I’m Zayn.”

“Nice to meet you too,” She said quietly.

“These Neanderthals haven’t scared you away yet, then?  Impressive.”

She laughed, “no, it’s been fun.”

“Good, good,” Zayn took his seat across from Liam after he put Harry back in his chair and cracked his knuckles, “So, time to eat or…?”

“Yes! Yes time to eat, we’re hungry,” Liam replied quickly, and every one filled their plates quickly.  

As Liam was cutting up Harry’s pasta, Niall said loudly, “Baba, Eleanor, me and Harry helped make dinner!”

“Really, babe, that’s cool,” Zayn replied

“It’s really good, guys, good job!” Eleanor smiled sweetly

“Yeah, Daddy let me cut up stuff for the sauce, and me and Harry made the meatballs!”

“Yeah, they were big helpers today.  Harry helped me clean as well,” Liam said proudly.

“You let him use a knife?” Zayn questioned, looking across the table at Liam.

“Yeah, he uses that little knife all the time when he helps me.  I keep an eye on him, he does a good job.”

“Liam, he’s seven.”

“Zayn, its fine.”

“That’s quite young to be using a knife, isn’t it?”

“I told you I keep an eye on him, and it’s not a big one.  He’s very careful.”

“He can be as careful as-“

“ _So_ anyway these meatballs are _so good_ , guys, I think I got the biggest one!” Louis interrupted them pointedly.

Liam smiled tightly at Zayn before he replied to Louis, “yeah they’re not all the same size, but we did our best didn’t we, guys?”  Niall nodded and Harry continued to stuff noodles in his mouth. 

“Good thing too, you need all the help in the kitchen you can get.  Yikes. You should see the stuff he makes when he doesn’t have the help,” Zayn made a face, eliciting giggles from everyone at the table but Liam.  He knew it was joke, and he was trying to seem cool and funny for their guest, but he was already annoyed at Zayn.  And then he was annoyed with himself for being annoyed.  Because he really shouldn’t have been annoyed about anything and he knew that, but he was.  He was just grateful Zayn was there at all.  So he forced another tight smile across the table and said nothing else as he continued to eat his dinner. 

It was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, if you're still reading this, bless your precious soul because I am trash at updating. Honestly, I'm so sorry. My life got really hectic and even when I had time to write I just couldn't get into it, and when I did end up writing, about half the chapter it got deleted and I had to start over. So, i made it a little extra long this time so MAYBE it'll make up for just a teeny bit of it. Also, next chapter is gonna get a little saucy, and I'm sorry in advance for my horrible writing skills in that department. I hope this chapter was okay and that you guys liked El!  
> Also Nialls adorable I love him v much.


	21. Chapter 21

As the night wore on, Liam tried his best to stay immersed in the conversations and activities going on, but he was having trouble focusing.  He didn’t _really_ know what was wrong, because nothing had even happened, but he just felt _wrong_ and vaguely upset but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was.  But he continued to try and push the negativity aside.

After dinner was done and cleaned up, Louis wanted to take Eleanor up to his room to _hang out_ and before Liam could even tell him that was _not_ going to happen, Zayn suggested they all play a game downstairs instead. 

And that’s how they all found themselves playing Apples to Apples on the living room floor.  Harry was on Liam’s team, snuggled comfortably in his lap, while Niall was in Zayn’s.  Niall and Zayn were winning, but Eleanor wasn’t far behind them.

By the third time in a row that Harry and Liam’s card hadn’t been chosen, Liam could tell the toddler was getting frustrated.  He was huffing and puffing and kept shifting around on Liam’s lap irritably, and Liam could feel a full blown tantrum coming soon. 

To avoid that happening, he set his cards down and stood up with Harry in his arms. 

“We’ll be back in a few, guys.  Keep playing!” He said as he made to leave the room, but Harry squirmed and whined in his arms.  Liam got them to the kitchen, despite the wiggly boy in his arms, and took him straight through the back door and out onto the back deck.

“Daddy, no, I wanna pay!”

“We can play again in a few minutes, little love, but we needed a little break.”

“Daddy, no! Pay _now!_ ” Harry yelled and pushed at Liam’s chest to try and be put down.

“Harry William, stop it now. Do you want some juice to calm down?”

“Daddy _down!_ ”

“You need _to calm_ down.”

Fat tears began rolling down Harry’s cheeks, and while it broke Liam’s heart to make his baby cry, he knew this was necessary.  Harry would get over it. It was just another tantrum.

“Please, Daddy, wanna pay,” Harry whined pitifully.

“In a few minutes, love, you have to calm down first.”

“ _No!_ ” Harry screamed, which startled Liam quite a bit. “Down!”

“Stop it _now_ ”

Harry kept wiggling and pushing Liam until his grip on the boy was slipping, and he had to put the toddler down to keep from dropping him.  As soon as his little socked feet hit the deck, he took off running back to the door.  He jumped to try and reach the handle, but he was two and tiny.

Liam huffed, holding back his anger, and lifted Harry back up and away from the door.  As soon as he had the boy lifted off the ground, he let out another angry scream and began to hit Liam’s arms.

“Daddy no! _I hate you!_ ”

Liam’s shock at his son’s words made him lose grip on him again, and this time he watched him manage to get the door back open and run inside.  Liam just stood there.

Harry said he hated him.  _Harry_.  His tiniest baby. Hated him.

Liam shook himself and took a deep breath. He knew Harry didn’t _really_ hate him. He was a little boy and probably didn’t even know what that meant, but he’d heard Louis say it when he was angry with Liam. 

But God, it still hurt his heart.

He stayed out on the deck for a few more minutes, taking a few deep breaths and listening to the voices muffled inside the house. His family. Who loved him. Who he loved more than anything. Everything was fine.

After one more deep breath, he headed back inside and found that Zayn had left the game, and Harry was nowhere to be seen.

“Baba took him upstairs,” Louis answered him before he could even say anything.

“Oh. Okay, cool.” Liam sat back down where he’d left his hand of cards, forcing calmness into his voice, “who’s winning now?”

“Still me, Daddy! But Baba was helping me.”

“Do you want me to help you, or can you keep winning all by yourself?”

“Um,” Niall looked down at his cards, then smiled adorably up at Liam, “I think I can do it by myself.”

“We’ll just see about that, won’t we?” Liam challenged, eliciting a giggle from the blond, as well as Eleanor.

Everything was fine.

~*~

“Wanna talk about it?” Zayn dropped on the bed after brushing his teeth in the bathroom as Liam flipped through channels on the television.

“No.”

“Liar.”

“Am not.”

“Are too,” Zayn smiled and reached out and tapped Liam’s cheek to get him to look at him instead of the television.

Liam turned to look at Zayn, who was smiling encouragingly, and he sighed.

“He said he _hated_ me, Zayn.”

“I know, love.”

“Why would he…” Liam trailed off and shook his head.

“You know he doesn’t, right?” Zayn said, sliding his hand into Liam’s and giving it a squeeze, “he’s so little, he doesn’t even know what that word means.”

“I know. I thought of that. He’s just heard Louis say it a lot. But what else is he going to pick up from Louis? The attitude and mean things he does? He’s my _baby_ , Zayn, he can’t hate me.”

“He doesn’t, and he won’t.  Louis doesn’t either, he’s just an angry teenager. We’ve been over this. None of us hate you, Liam.”

“It still feels like it! He’s always so mad at me!”

“You’re his dad, not his friend.”

“I know,” Liam sighed, “but I still want them to like me. I don’t want him to teach Harry or Niall to hate me.”

“He won’t. Nothing could ever make Niall hate you. He idolizes you.”

Liam smiled. “Thanks, I needed that.”

Zayn smiled back and pressed a kiss to Liam’s temple, “I know. And it’s true. Our boys love you. Don’t take it to heart, okay? I know that’s hard for you, but try for me?”

Liam smiled bigger and laid his head on Zayn’s shoulder, “Yeah, I’ll try. I think it just surprised me mostly. He’s never said that before.”

“I know. But I took care of it, right? I took him upstairs and put him in time out in his room. He didn’t get away with treating you like that.”

“Thank you,” Liam squeezed Zayn’s hand and kissed the side of his face.

“Hey, we’re a team, right?”

“Yeah, we are.”

“Damn right,” Zayn leaned forward again, this time capturing Liam’s lips in a gentle kiss.

Liam sighed happily and relaxed into the kiss as Zayn slid his hand down Liam’s arm and let it rest on the younger man’s waist, sliding his tongue along Liam’s bottom lip.  He opened his mouth to let Zayn deepen the kiss and slip his tongue inside.  Liam’s head was spinning at the contact, having missed this for so long.  When Zayn slid his other hand up Liam’s thigh, however, he pulled away.

“What’s wrong?” Zayn asked, massaging Liam’s thigh with one hand.

“I just, I don’t know I’m still kind of feeling off?”

“Liam, you promised,” Zayn stuck his bottom lip out in a dramatic pout.

“I know, but…” Liam didn’t even really have a solid reason, honestly.

“Come on,” Zayn kissed his lips softly again, then leaned his forehead against Liam’s, “it’ll get your mind off things.”

Liam smiled and kissed Zayn back quickly, “okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Good,” and suddenly Liam was on his back against the pillows, and Zayn was above him, kissing him deeply.  Liam gasped in surprise but kissed back fervently, running his hands up Zayn’s sides. 

Zayn was moving down to kiss along the column of Liam’s throat and sliding his own hands underneath the hem of Liam’s shirt along his abdomen when Liam realized he was nervous. Actually nervous. To have sex.  With his husband. It had been so long, and not that Liam didn’t want it or didn’t know what to do, but he was scared for Zayn to see him like that again. He’d been so uninterested in Liam for so long, and Liam was terrified of his husband not liking what he saw. Being disgusted. Or bored.

“Liam?” Zayn asked, holding himself above Liam.  He hadn’t even noticed his husband had stopped kissing him. “Are you in there?”

“Oh, yeah, right sorry I… got distracted.”

Zayn’s eyebrows pulled together in concern.  “If you don’t want to do this, we don’t have to, love.”

“No, I want to!” Liam said, probably a bit too loudly.  It caused Zayn to chuckle and kiss him again.

“Okay, good,” Zayn kissed him one more time, “if you’re sure.”

“Positive.”

“That’s my boy,” Zayn whispered and slid down the length of Liam’s body, pushing his shirt farther up his abdomen, licking a stripe over the skin there. 

Liam gasped and shivered, reaching down to thread his fingers in Zayn’s hair.  The older man continued pushing Liam’s shirt up his torso, following the edge of the fabric with his tongue, sliding it over the twitching skin of Liam’s abs and chest.  Liam lifted his arms and let his husband push the thing off completely, before he sat up to remove his own, winked down at Liam, and dipped back down to nuzzle his nose along the skin under Liam’s belly button.  Liam could feel himself getting hard quickly, and when Zayn unzipped his pants and his hand bumped Liam’s dick, he let out a low involuntary moan.  He was ready to be embarrassed at the noise, but Zayn stopped and gave a breathy chuckle.

“Been a while, hasn’t it?”

Liam just nodded and let Zayn finish pulling off his pants and boxers in one go, and watched his dick spring free, hard and waiting.  Zayn’s hand was wrapped around it a moment later, causing Liam to moan again, louder this time. 

“Sh, love, don’t wake the boys,” Zayn said softly, kissing the inside of Liam’s thigh as he slowly stroked his hand up and down Liam’s shaft.  Liam just nodded and pushed Zayn’s hair back off his forehead admiring the beautiful man he had married.  And the beautiful man who was about to suck his dick.

After pressing one more kiss to Liam’s thigh, Zayn leaned forward to lick a stripe up the underside of Liam’s dick.  Liam gasped and bit his bottom lip to keep from moaning again, and fisted a hand gently in Zayn’s hair which caused the older man to hum in appreciation.  Liam smirked - he had forgotten how much his husband liked his hair pulled.

When Zayn finally took the head of Liam’s dick into his mouth and slowly slid his lips down the shaft, Liam sighed in relief and dropped his head back on the pillows, hand still firmly in Zayn’s hair.

“Shit, babe, that’s it,” he whispered, getting a low hum in response that vibrated through his cock and shot a jolt of pleasure through his body, “fuck, Zayn.”

Zayn continued taking more of Liam in his mouth, opening his throat and pushing down until his nose was pressed against Liam’s skin again, then slowly pulled back off and began to bob his head faster.  Less than a minute of Zayn’s mouth on his dick, and Liam was tugging at his hair to pull him off.

“Zayn… Zayn if you don’t stop I’m gonna…” he trailed off, breathless.

Zayn pulled off Liam’s cock, giving one last lick to the tip, and crawled up to kiss Liam deeply.

“Gonna come already, babe? That desperate, are you?”

Liam tangled his fingers in the hair at the back of Zayn’s head and nodded at him, biting his lip.

“Want me to fuck you, don’t you?”

Liam nodded again.

“Tell me.”

“I want you to fuck me, Zayn, please,” Liam whispered, leaning up to kiss Zayn’s lips.

Zayn smirked against his lips, “oh, begging too, huh?”

Liam nodded one more time and pulled Zayn closer, kissing him deeper and wrapping a leg around his husband’s.  Zayn ground his hips down on Liam’s, and even through the joggers the older man was wearing, Liam could feel the stiffness of his cock pressing against his own.  He moved one hand from Zayn’s hair down to grip his ass instead, bringing their hips even closer as he licked inside his husband’s mouth.

Zayn moaned softly against his mouth and pulled away, trailing kisses down the younger man’s neck before sitting up completely.  Liam let him go and watched him lean over to dig around in the drawer of the nightstand for a moment before he found the small bottle of lube and slid the drawer shut again.

“Legs up, lovey,” Zayn said softly, patting Liam’s thigh and helping him lift them up.  He then scooted down on the bed so he was nestled between Liam’s legs, and squirted a dab of lube onto his fingers. When the first finger pressed again Liam’s hole he gasped, both from the pressure and the cold of the lube against his skin.  As Zayn’s finger gently slid inside, he kissed Liam’s thigh to distract him from the slight burn of the stretch before it subsided. 

After a few slow thrusts of Zayn’s finger, he was adding a second.  It was a little sooner than Liam expected, but the extra stretch felt nice.  He bit his lip to keep from making any noise as Zayn started to scissor his fingers to stretch Liam’s hole more.  A few minutes later, and Liam was ready.  He wiggled a little bit, pushing down on Zayn’s hand more.  Zayn chuckled and smirked up at Liam with an eyebrow raised.

“A little needy, are we?”

Liam nodded.

“Alright then,” Zayn slowly pulled his fingers out of Liam’s hole, leaving him feeling empty, and crawled up to kiss Liam deeply.  Liam moaned into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Zayn and running his fingers into his hair. 

When Zayn pulled away from the kiss, he propped himself up on one arm enough to use his other hand to lube up his dick.  He nudged Liam’s legs higher and positioned himself at his entrance, and slowly slid in.

Liam groaned, low and deep, and tightened his fingers in Zayn’s hair.  The older man kissed Liam again, licking into his mouth as he pushed all the way into Liam until his hips were pressed against his ass. Liam’s head was spinning, from Zayn’s tongue and Zayn’s dick and everything about Zayn being all over and around him again, and part of his wanted to hold on tightly to Zayn and never let him go.  He settled for wrapping one arm around the older man’s waist, and using the other to tug at his dark hair to bring him closer.

A few moments later, Zayn was pulling away from the kiss again and slowly thrusting his hips in small movements, making Liam bite his lip to keep from moaning. The last thing they needed was for one of the boys to wake up and come see what they were doing.

“You good, love?” Zayn asked, pulling his hips back and pushing them forward again.  Liam nodded.  “God, I missed this.  Missed you.”

Before Liam could even respond in any way, Zayn was pushing Liam’s thighs back and thrusting into him faster.  Liam gasped and let out a soft moan, squeezing his eyes shut and breathing heavy.  For once his mind was blank; he wasn’t thinking about anything or stressing or worrying.  He was lost in the feeling of _Zayn_ and when Zayn hit that spot inside him that made him see stars, he cried out his husband’s name in pleasure.

Zayn quickly covered Liam’s mouth with his own to silence him, and slowed his thrusts while their mouths moved together for a few moments.

“As beautiful as you sound, love,” Zayn began, but pressed his lips back against Liam’s as he jolted his hips forward hard and fast, swallowing the noise Liam made, “you gotta keep it down.”

Liam whined in protest but nodded, wrapping a leg around Zayn’s waist and pulling him down again, trying to get more pressure on that spot again.  Instead, though, Zayn pulled out and flipped Liam over on his stomach faster than Liam could even process.

“Ass up,” he commanded, and Liam pushed up onto his hands and knees, so ready to take what Zayn wanted to give him.  “Arch your back,” Liam obeyed again, dropping down onto his elbows and arching his back to press his ass up and back toward Zayn as much as he could.  “Fucking beautiful, Liam.”

When Zayn pressed himself back inside Liam’s entrance, he wasn’t as gentle as he had been.  He thrust in hard and fast, causing Liam to jolt forward and gasp.  This time, Zayn didn’t give Liam any time before he was holding him by the hips and thrusting into him steadily, picking a rhythm and sticking with it.  Liam dropped his head to rest on his forearms that were laying in front of him, and tried his best to stay as quiet as he could.  But _god_ it felt good and Zayn kept hitting him in just the right spot and his dick ached.

Zayn must have read his mind, because seconds later he was reaching around Liam’s middle to grab his dick in his hand, and began stroking it in time with his thrusts. This time, Liam buried his face in the sheets to let out a loud and guttural moan and started pushing back against Zayn’s thrusts.  He knew he wouldn’t last much longer.

“Zay… Zayn I’m… fuck babe I’m-“

“Me too, babe,” Zayn cut him off, but bent over Liam so his chest was pressed against the younger man’s back, not slowing down his movements.  “Are you going to come for me?” He whispered in Liam’s ear.  Liam nodded deafly and left out a small broken sound, “Come on then, love, come for me.”

Liam’s orgasm ripped through him, starting in his lower abdomen and sparking through each one of his limbs and causing his shaky arms to give way as he collapsed almost entirely onto the mattress as he came over Zayn’s hand.  Zayn held him up with the arm around his waist, and continued stroking his dick as his thrusts became more hurried and his breathing got more erratic.

Zayn let out a soft moan as he pressed his hips against Liam hard, biting Liam’s shoulder as he came in his ass.  He stayed inside Liam, gently rocking his hips into him as they both came down from their orgasms.  Eventually, he slowly pulled himself out of Liam, and lowered the younger man onto the bed all the way.  Liam sighed in relief and stretched his stiff, sore arms, then rolled over to snuggle up to Zayn who had laid down beside him.

“No, Li, no,” Zayn whined and pulled away from Liam’s touch, “too hot.  Let me cool down for… for just a second.”

Liam pulled his hand back quickly, unsure of what to do from there. They were cuddlers. They cuddled.  Especially after sex. And he knew Zayn was right and it was a bit warm but he needed a cuddle because his brain was foggy and slow and he was happy and wanted his husband to hold him.  But he also felt a bit sticky and gross, and usually Zayn would go get them a flannel for a quick clean up since Liam’s legs generally liked to turn to jelly. 

“Can you… I feel…” Liam didn’t know how to finish the thought, or even really start it. He was a bit out of it and honestly quite tired.  But Zayn seemed to understand.

“Yeah, right, just a sec.” He responded flippantly, closing his eyes and stretching.  A few minutes went by and Zayn had made no move to get up, or even really move at all, so Liam sighed and got up himself.  As he sat up on the bed, he was very aware of how naked he was, so he felt around on the bed to find his boxers, which he eventually discovered had fallen to the floor.  He pulled them on and headed to the bathroom on shaky legs, and closed the door behind him.  He wet a cloth with warm water and quickly cleaned himself up, brushed his teeth, and headed back into the bedroom with the cloth in hand, thinking Zayn might want to use it as well. 

“Babe, did you need this?” He asked quietly as he made his way over to the bed.  Zayn had only slightly changed positions from when he left him, now laying on his side, facing the edge of the bed, eyes still closed. “Zayn?”

No response. He was asleep. Great. Awesome

Liam sighed again, and headed back into the bathroom to hang the flannel up to dry, then dragged himself back into bed.  His limbs were stiff and starting to get sore, and his was so sleepy, so that’s what he blamed it on when tears were gathering in his eyes as he curled up on his side of the bed and tried to go sleep.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOW IS EVERYONE LIKING DIVIDE? Galway Girl is the best thing that's ever happened to me  
> Anyway, again I'm sorry this chapter took so long. I am absolutely horrible at writing smut but I did my best, but since I'm so bad at it, it took me FOREVER to get through writing it. So, I did my best and I'm sorry it's shitty and underwhelming but at least the chapter is a little longer than usual.   
> The main point of this chapter, though, is Liam's FEELINGS not the sex.   
> So don't expect smut from me ever again bc I am miserable at it.  
> Also, if you've listened to Divide (if you haven't, you should), tell me your favorite song!


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